In The Book Club, I write a post and include one Chapter of my novella Demons and Daemons.
The diary entry from Demons and Daemons is really short, and I wrote a column today, about how I would totally want to live together!
I’m sure there must be better examples in popular culture to describe what my ideal “love nest” would be;
But right now only the villa from Pippi Longstocking comes to mind.
A place she completely made to fit her own needs.
One of them was that the horse was allowed to walk freely through the house.
And if I Google her house and see the 1987 movie one is in Florida, this villa definitely falls into the category:
“I could get used to a place like this!”
And if I ever get to live together with a man, I m sure he ll feel the same.
So, in the 3 weeks I wrote “Demons and Daemons”, by posting about 14 out of 21 days on my Facebook page.
During that time, one of the things that saddened me, was people finding love and moving in together, having a “real” relationship.
And I started to think that me not fancying that, not in that way, was one of the reasons almost none of them had stayed.
I would not want to share as much as a teaspoon with most men, let alone live with them -and especially not in the civilized, neatly tidied apartments or houses I usually see them occupying- but still;
Yet even without throwing in extra sexual favors, I still believe I m a great person to have a relationship with, and to live with too.
So to see then everybody building little love nests, even if it’s nests you wouldn’t want or locations you wouldn’t want;
Part of you wished you had someone to do that with.
One of the things I ve come to realize is that what I actually want and what would be a “Hell Yes” for me, actually resembles more of a shared living space for students, than a house of a family or a couple.
That my Hell Yes, is quit rare for grownups to want.
Just like Villa Villekulla.
It’s hard to use the correct English terms, because it might be unique to The Netherlands, but until well into the 20th century (it is slowly dying out now, after having flourished for a hundred years or so) people who went to college around the age of 18, would move out of their parents house and rent a room in a big house.
Every student resident had their own room usually with a sink.
All other amenities were shared, and each resident usually had their own cabinet in the kitchen as well.
There were student houses where everybody lived separately, which was where I lived, but the bigger houses or some of the smaller houses as well, they had the pinnacle of these Dutch student dorms;
A common living room.
So although students usually also had a tv in their room, and a couch;
The main attraction of student dorms like this was the common room.
Over the past few weeks I ve received much clarity over what I would want out of a relationship, in phase 2.
So after you’re done screwing your brains out (phase 1), or better yet you’re still doing that, and you’re ultimately like:
“I kinda like you. What do you say we move in together?”
Then what do you go for?
I think one of the reasons my relationships stranded or didn’t take off, is because my mind went completely blank when it came to phase 2, and in particular on the topic of moving in together.
If you’re not going for a top to bottom refurbished, decorated, color coded house with design furniture;
What do you go for?
The idea of the student’s dorm was the only thought that not just appealed to me, but that actually got me all the way to:
“OMG OMG THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME OMG!
A response the average love nest has never gotten from me.
So, what is it, that I saw as the ideal love nest of a phase 2 relationship?
To just get one thing out of the way: I would vote for a shared bedroom.
This is not good for your sex life, so that’s why I mention it.
With me being a strong advocate for a good sex life, this choice for a nuptial bed requires some explaining.
It is because the main perk of living like in a student dorm is a great sense of comradery.
You’re friends way more than lovers.
So yes, sleeping together reduces the sexual tension, and it’s not good for your sex life, BUT!
You’re gonna love this-
This will be lavishly compensated for in another bedroom, which will ONLY be used for sex.
A stylish, hotel chic bedroom, that has the calm of a real hotel.
Or more of a boudoir or brothel style, where we can play for hours on end.
We can also switch it around a bit. Changing the theme of our sex room, would be a nice way to mark the change of seasons!
In summer our chamber of lust could sport an ancient Rome style, with all white, terracotta pots, mosaic and roman busts.
And gladiators, slaves….
And in winter we can go for a heavy red with velvet style.
Our playroom would have everything you need for hours of play.
So with one room entirely dedicated to our sex life, I think it’s reasonably safe to sleep together without much happening, the other nights of the week.
And it’s really good for bonding.
Both bedrooms are.
A separate sex room doesn’t strike me as something most couples want or prioritize, but I think the biggest difference between what I want and what most couples want, is what I would call the common room.
It is tempting to say a common room is the same as a family’s living room.
A family’s living room is kept tidy, and presentable to the world.
A common room is no such thing.
It is entirely “designed”, grown organically would have been a better way to put it, around spending leisure time.
In our ideal house we would have all our music and tv there. An extra computer. Our dvd’s.
Not our books- those would be in our separate rooms because you read them by yourself.
Maybe you’re counting with me, but I do admit my ideal shared house doesn’t come cheap.
We each have our own room, so with a shared bedroom and our playroom, our house has four rooms and a common room or living.
The common room would be all about leisure and have that student dorm like charm.
Our dvd collections and music collections and all our equipment would be there.
And we’d have a big couch or maybe couches, and we’d binge watch series on Netflix and be totally unapologetic about the fact that our entire house looked like a student dorm for two people, and two cats.
And a beautiful and exciting room, just for sex.
You know what?
I just realized I never needed a man for me to have all these things.
Maybe the Pippi Longstocking comparison was right all along!
Pippi lives alone, and she doesn’t seem to crave company other than her pets.
I, or you, or anybody really; We don’t need to be hitched to create our ideal home.
And I just decided that I am going to create it.
For me. t’s because living.
You just read a new column.
In this series, The Book Club, I write a column or note, and share a chapter from the novella Demons and Daemons
Today’s post from Demons and Daemons, chapter 2, was the actual first chapter.
The first post I wrote of what would later be collected as Demons and Daemons.
I was working really hard trying to extract my manuscripts from all the sites, trying to create books.
And it was starting to weigh on me.
This is what I wrote:
CHAPTER TWO – Untitled Notes from Lauren #1
day 1, Monday July 13
Things are pretty messed up here –
and it’s largely because processing/ rereading all my old work has been extremely stressful.
I m planning on publishing everything I have not published, to “celebrate” going offline.
That there really will be a before and after.
But so far it’s more a before I lose my mind, and after.
And I seem eons away from Before I Became A Proper Writer, and after.
Books LS Harteveld/ Lauren
Lauren’s books are available at LULU
New books will also be added to Lulu, as sites are being curated.
coming soon: new books
1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2020
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- (Dutch)
5. ALL THE THINGS – unpublished work 2010 – 2020
The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.