Half July I started writing on Facebook.
Incomprehensible posts, sometimes.
Posts that became irrelevant because things worked out.
For example for my books; They all turned out fine.
For example for my websites: I decided to keep all my work online, and not remove 500 blog posts.
But underneath all the turmoil and the struggle, something else developed too.
Once you see it, you cannot unsee;
It was as if The Dark Side took over..
Just like Luke Skywalker who drew back to the island Ahch-To so that he (a Jedi) could no longer make the wrong decisions-
that’s how I tried to refrain from writing.
If only I could refrain from writing, my life would be better.
If only I could refrain from writing, the man or men in my life would want me again.
I would make money doing a normal job.
I would be happy and my entire life would be one big pink and rainbow colored unicorn universe.
And not the life of a writer, fighting dark forces;
A battle always on the edge of a knife.
If I could only refrain from writing, all would be well.
The demon, the evil power, and the daemon, the creative spirit or genius, are only one letter apart.
And from the two, only the word demon made it into our lexicon.
We all know of famous writers who have gone mad.
Even if you’re not a creator yourself, it must come as no surprise that a writer never knows if they’re going to make it back from the other side, anymore than a Jedi knows he will not die by the sword.
At the end of this collection of posts, which I have called Demons and Daemons, I refer to Stranger Things; The Netflix series about a parallel world called The Upside Down, where everything is like in the real world, but bad and very dark.
People get lost in there.
The risk to get lost into darkness, is not just upon entering the portal to a parallel universe.
It is also the fate of a writer.
You go into a fantasy world, and you don’t know if it’s the darkness of the Upside Down, a rainbow unicorn place, or a mixed bag like Alice in Wonderland.
Day after day;
You don’t know.
You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.
With regard to my love life, some things happened behind the scenes.
This year, I ve decided to quit online writing about my love life, so you will not find any of it here.
But I once wrote a post:
“It’s always about a man. And if it’s not about a man, it’s also about a man.”
In the three weeks I wrote Demons and Daemons, through my daily Facebook posts, I tried to keep my word and keep my love life out of it.
But since it’s always about a man, and even if it’s not about a man it’s about a man?
Trust me when I say that the best way to read it, is as one metaphor for my love life.
That as in business, as in love.
As in mental health, as in love.
And if I follow a topic and start writing, whether I end up in the Upside Down, the rainbow unicorn world, or in a world of mixed experiences just like Alice?
It’s all a reflection of the inner world.
Just as for many people the outer world, is a reflection of their inner world, the same thing is true for my writing.
If I write about my thoughts and experiences in the outer world, I still share with you my inner world.
And it’s still always about a man.
To me, the final diary entry, day 20 called “Committed”, is the moment I find my true love.
But whether he’s a Demon or a Daemon, I guess time will tell.
and Suzanne/ Lauren
Day 21, August 2, 2020
Untitled Notes from Lauren #1, Mon 13 July
Things are pretty messed up here –
and it’s largely because processing/ rereading all my old work has been extremely stressful.
I m planning on publishing everything I have not published, to “celebrate” going offline.
That there really will be a before and after.
But so far it’s more a before I lose my mind, and after.
And I seem eons away from Before I Became A Proper Writer, and after.
Untitled Notes from Lauren #2, Tuesday July 14
I cancelled all my other obligations, to focus on my books for the upcoming 7 weeks..
On. September 1st, I want all my LSH websites cleaned out, everything available in print, and to never have to reread my old life again.
In particular nothing of the past 3 years.
One of the things I ve been pushing down is my best friend migrating in 2017.
The life where I had a friend who did weekly nights out or tv with me; Who slept over and with whom I had a natural way of being, where we didn’t even have grown up conversations.
It was so cute.
So much fun.
Untitled Notes from Lauren #3, Wednesday July 15
After ten days of wrestling my demons, I m out on the other side!
I ve done a ton – a ton!! – of work and curating and publishing my work is the highlight of this year.
And the result is going to incredibly beautiful.
I m still planning One Big Book with ALL unpublished work -but the title is no longer All The Things.
I m changing it to Rough and Ready.
Untitled Notes from Lauren #4, Thursday July 16, 9 P.M.
I think today was payday for having an extraordinary good day yesterday..
A part of me is still optimistic:
Cleaning out my websites and publishing all my work – both in one rough version with all the things as well as creating separate books with complete stories – is a good thing.
Untitled Notes from Lauren #5, Friday July 17
Today was okay-ish!
Untitled Notes from Lauren #6, Saturday July 18
I had an amazing day, but it was a bit much to take in.
Untitled Notes from Lauren #7, Sunday July 19
I spent an hour writing a post –
A New Journey Begins
day 13, Saturday July 25
“After God’s Omen of having my text disappear into thin air on the day of the lord,
I got the male midlife crisis
day 14, Sunday July 26
About the Boys
The Pleasure Dome
day 17, Wednesday July 29
Of course not.”
The Right Side Up
Although right then I still saw myself as a yoga teacher (a writing one and not one teaching classes. I only taught to friends, until Covid came and I stopped doing that too), I declined then.
COMMITTED (a happy ending)
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living
“Demons and Daemons” was written on Facebook
Facebook page LS Harteveld
Books LS Harteveld/ Lauren
Lauren’s books are available at LULU
New books will also be added to Lulu, as sites are being curated.
coming soon: new books
1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2020
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- (Dutch)
5. ALL THE THINGS – unpublished work 2010 – 2020
The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.