And So It Begins | The Book Club day 14

Oh my oh my!
We have so much to talk about.
I m going to keep it very brief today, but will tell more in the remaining episodes of The Book Club;
An initiative which was supposed to run for three weeks, exactly like the book it covers, my Facebook novella Demons and Daemons.
In these three weeks, I wrote 15 days and therefor this journey of The Book Club was supposed to be 15 posts, written in three weeks as well.

But due to my long break that will no longer happen.
Fifteen posts, yes.
Three weeks, no.
I ve missed too many days, and I also don’t want to rush things anymore.

During my initially involuntary and then totally embraced absence from writing (more about that later) I learned to appreciate not writing.
I did so many things, I would never have done if I had written.

Cleaned my kitchen balcony, which had always been a no go area for the cats.
It was so dirty from pigeon poo I was afraid they’d come back with the black plague and exotic parasites if I left them on there.
Now it’s totally clean.

It’s like the balcony belongs to other people!
I do have another balcony, so they were used to being outdoors, just not on the small interesting balcony that had bathing pigeons on the other side of the fence. 
Much better balcony, obviously.

So I cleaned that, for the first time since April 2019.

And I reorganized cupboards, drawers, book shelves and my mind started to expand on the 1995 project.
So before I elaborate on that, first WHY was I offline?

Well, there was a 9 day heatwave.
And although I muscled through at first, I got so sick with the heat, having a constant headache, that I stopped and lowered my expectations of productivity from “creating content and daily messaging on all my accounts”, to “staying alive”.
This was very helpful.

And after the heatwave I took a few extra days, to savor the peace and quiet.
And to wait until I really knew what I wanted. Not just with regard to blogging, but everything. 

I ve always boasted that if could also NOT write? I would stop writing.
If I no longer had the uncontrollable urge to write, oh man, I would be out of here.

So if you’ve claimed that for probably close to a decade, and you’re then forced by the heatwave to step down from your writing stool, and end up loving it?
You ve got to wait until you’ve got words coming out of your ears, before you can pick up doing that time consuming, “life devouring”, hobby or purpose called writing.
Because writing is to me what drinking is to others;
I can’t do it like a gentleman.

So today I got up an watched a movie that will be the first to review for my Dutch blog. Haven’t written there in half a year.
If you’re Dutch, subscribe to that movie blog here.

Next to picking up writing in Dutch, I m going to hold the course with regard to my work here.
On my time off I ve considered revoking every decision and project I started here the last couple of months, but No!
They’re all exactly as they should be.

Maybe that explained why I woke up this morning with an insanely wide grin on my face, excited to begin again!
And so many stories to tell.

Over the next week or so, things will get more clear, but the management summary is:
I will continue blogging as Suzanne (my real name)/ Lauren (the penname I had from 2006-2020)
So things are signed:
My pseudonym/ me, Lauren Harteveld/ LS Harteveld has left for 1995, and does not live in this age anymore.
She’ll write offline diaries, as a 23 year old, and publish them directly into books.
I do not expect to return in 2020 or beyond as Lauren, sec.
She has made her choice.
And being a middle-aged woman in a Covid struck era, isn’t it.
Who could blame her.
So I ve taken the liberty of taking 25 years off my age, and am creating an experience, a performance, of living in the past.
Writing is done as part of it, but is it not the main goal of this project.
The main goal is the experience itself.
The first book by Lauren in 1994-1995 is available online,
and the others will be written offline.
So what I will continue to do here, is communicate as Suzanne/Lauren;
The person who does not mind living in this era at all! 
And who is okay with playing the part of the publisher, the curator, and the narrator.
After this Book Club series, I will be more explicit about that.
But there is just so much to share, about what happens when you try to transfer your life to 25 years back! 

It’s so much fun! 
So I will be online a lot, and writing a lot, and this 10 day holiday has got me all excited about coming back to work.
Five weeks ago I started writing little posts on Facebook, which would ultimately become Demons and Daemons, a Facebook novella.
Two weeks ago I started a “second layering” to that book;
In these posts, the ones you’re reading right now, I am sharing all chapters of Demons and Daemons individually, but with a new introduction.
These two projects together, the three weeks of Demons and Daemons and The Book Club, will become a book.
A Map Into Unknown.
I’ve called Demons and Daemons: A journey into darkness.
I ve called The Book Club; The three week journey into the light.
And together they form The Map Into Unknown.
But although Demons and Daemons had a satisfying ending, as will The Book Club, and although everything about this weaved together project of two books, in two different timelines, will fit together just perfectly;
Time away from the computer has taught me one thing above all.
That the journey has only just begun.

Suzanne/ Lauren living.

You just read part 1, my column.
Today’s chapter from
Demons and Daemons, was at a time when I both thought I would pursue a normal career (which I m no longer doing – all ass sitting hours are mine and mine alone) and I was also convinced I had to empty my blogs and remove all content in order to fit in and make this happen.

At what must have been one of the darkest days of my life,
this is what I wrote:

Chapter 5, Untitled Notes from Lauren #4

day 4, Thursday July 16, 9 P.M.

.I think today was payday for having an extraordinary good day yesterday..

A part of me is still optimistic:
Cleaning out my websites and publishing all my work – both in one rough version with all the things as well as creating separate books with complete stories – is a good thing.

A fresh start.
After September 1st I will be a proper author:
My real work will be offline – and published straight to paper, not posted to a blog.
Everybody who meets me in my new fresh career as grey mouse nobody, will know I am a writer.
Perhaps even know my pen name – but it’s OKAY!
20 books out, that’s respectable capital R.
Yeah, yeah: Such a good choice to clear out the blogs and have that sensitive content no longer available to “the public” meaning people I meet in real life I have no control over.
So smart.
Oh, and the other part of me doesn’t know the difference between preparing for a job in the normal world and removing sensitive content on one hand;
And getting your affairs in order because you’re dying and you have to leave all that you value behind.
Doesn’t know the difference between not blogging as LS Harteveld, and death.
One of the things I want to start doing to keep myself breathing, is reread notes I made and that I don’t want to forget.
Today’s one is:
That the reason I feel so angry towards a fictional employer, imaginary colleagues and anger towards myself because I have not been able, nor prioritized, making money from my writing –
is because I’m angry at “them” for taking my soul.
But not nearly as angry as I am with myself for willingly killing myself off before going in.
But judging from how poorly I m currently doing at the idea of (involuntarily) cleaning out my blog –
I didn’t need to write that down, nor have I forgotten.
I know.
And in the words of Kylo Ren:
“I know what I have to do. I just don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”
He made the wrong choice by the way, after that –
Let me commit to making tomorrow a better day.
And making the right choice.


Chapter 6 of Demons and Daemons,
will be shared soon,
in a new episode of The Book Club

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Facebook page LS Harteveld

About The Book Club

In The Book Club you can find:
– a post
– and one Chapter of my novella Demons and Daemons.

These Book Club posts will form a new book, “A Map Into Unknown”
Covering a journey of three weeks into darkness (Demons and Daemons)
and three weeks, finding my way back to the light.


Books LS Harteveld/ Lauren

Lauren’s books are available at LULU
New books will also be added to Lulu, as sites are being curated.


I am Suzanne, the real name of Lauren Harteveld,
Lauren/ LS Harteveld was my second identity under which I wrote about sex, relationships, pop culture, from 2006 to 2020.
Lauren is now in 1995, so she will write offline for us.
Her first year 1994-1995 is available online:

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2020
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
Blote Kont- (Dutch)
5. ALL THE THINGS – unpublished work 2010 – 2020

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.
Nederlands blog: