Category: Curated by Suzanne

I ve got good news and bad news.
The good news is:
I m not going to take my English work offline.
This entire site will stay as it is – for many reasons, some positive, some negative.
I don’t think it matters.

The bad news is that when updating and archiving this site, I realized I don’t have anything to write anymore.
It’s all been said.
There is no reason to keep writing as LS Harteveld, except for the performance project Lauren Harteveld (1995) but that will be an offline endeavor.

It’s my birthday Friday, and the year has gone by without sex.
My lover broke up with me in December, but we had not been intimate since summer; That’s how this worst year of my life probably started off on the wrong foot.
By thinking I was in a relationship, when I wasn’t.
Although judging from the hell I went through late July and August – I think I understood.
I picked it up.
Just that I projected it onto other things in my life that I could understand.
Money, career, mental health.
But it were never those things.
Never.

But it wasn’t just this year;
Going through my work to make books from it was an unbearable exercise.
It was awful to realize that in 2006 I ended my long term relationship to find out who I was sexually –
To have it end in 2020 with sexless year and literally nothing to show for but hundreds of blog posts.

 I know I am a writer, it’s the only thing I know how to do.
It’s the only thing I m good at.
And it’s the only thing that has been there for me, always.

But without sex and secrets, I do not need this account, from my pen name Lauren Harteveld or LS Harteveld.
If I m sexless, I m fine writing under my real name Suzanne.
LS Harteveld is obsolete.

And there is another reason I m leaving here.
Because I m beginning to think that the only reason I was ever good at relationships, was because I wrote.
The moment I announced I would take my work offline, I lost “touch” with all the men in my life. It was as if they were relieved, my manipulative pen, my magic, was finally gone.
I was human again.
Someone who could be ignored.

The 7 days between my last post where I announce I m taking all my work offline, and today, I have learned that it is all true.
It was, all true.
I created reality with my pen. You create your own reality.
And the moment I stopped writing and announced I would take the work offline, I lost the game. I quit the game.
Today was spent wondering if I even want back in.

Do I want to spend the next 14 years writing, writing, writing, so that I can be the independent mistress, who refuses to turn into a woman begging you to have a normal relationship with her.
Refuses to trick you into choosing for her.
Because she believes that ultimatums, ideas of a future together – anything EXTRA than a moment-to-moment real time decision and desire to really want to be together –
results in a false relationship.

If you want to be with me, you will.

If not not.

Writing gave me the power to make people want to be with me.
They saw the power of desire, of the moment, of being in the now. 
But seeing reality change and my power diminish days after quitting writing has made me wonder:
Was this what I actually wanted?

No.

What 14 years of writing have done, is to make absolutely sure I was never dated nor chosen, nor desired, for what I considered to be the wrong reasons.

But what one year without sex, and one week without writing and planning to take the work offline have taught me is:
My place is taken immediately by other people.
Within days!
Maybe hours.

I will leave this blog until I can do the name LS Harteveld justice:
A name designed to cover up a double life, secrets. 
Not a name I invented so I could defend the last breadcrumb of a relationship or a career as a writer.

I m not really sure how or when curating the work and turning it into books will proceed. Like I said, it’s very confronting to see how you spent the past 14 years, and have so little to show for.
But just writing this blog post, the one you’re reading right now, and coming to the conclusion to stop writing here, because it’s no longer functional – 
I hope you agree that’s a good thing.

To stay in touch you can follow this blog you re reading right now
– I ll write updates if there is any news.
The subscription button is somewhere on this page, probably on the right.

And you can follow this rock star blog under my real name.

The past 7 days I wrote a daily post on Facebook – and it really helped me see how I cannot deny who I am.
I am a writer, and my love life will always be intertwined with writing.
It was one of the blog posts I encountered this week, something I wrote last year:
https://laurenharteveld.com/2019/12/17/dating-from-now-on-rules-of-engagement-1994-project/

But I also learned to accept myself from watching the Netflix series Lucifer:
Just like Lucifer doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t need to, apologize for being the devil,
I don’t need to apologize for being a writer.
And I won’t.

And I HAVE thought about totally stepping on it and go entirely next level as LS Harteveld.
But would you?
If you didn’t “nourish” a relationship, or your sexuality- let’s imagine you took your wedding ring off, that’s a nice comparison;
If you turned your back, reasonably quietly, onto someone or towards a job or career or really just whatever it was – 
But let’s imagine it is something you ve been wanting for 14 years, something you left a quiet and comfortable situation for 14 years ago, because you wanted it so badly.

And then you turn your back onto that – whatever it was, and whatever the level of success you had achieved there – and you held your breath, slipped the ring off your finger and quietly put it on the nightstand.

And within a week the thing you’d been thinking about and writing about, and had been on a quest for 14 years to get and figure out, vaporized into thin air?
As if it never existed?
As if 14 years of dedication, growth and affirming didn’t mean anything?
Would you go back to claim it and “make it happen”?

Or would you make a different choice on where you were going to focus on for the next 14 years.
Money.
Career.
World domination.
Or maybe save the world, I don’t know;
It’s hard to think of something I could not have achieved if I had given it the time and energy I gave to figuring out my sexuality and my love life.

I don’t think I ll ever figure out what the purpose was of those 14 years I dedicated to my sexuality and relationships. But I do know one thing:
They end here.

~Suzanne

~Lauren
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

 

Books LS Harteveld/ Lauren

Lauren’s books are available at LULU
New books will also be added to Lulu, as sites are being curated.

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2020
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- (Dutch)
5. ALL THE THINGS – unpublished work 2010 – 2020

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.
.
Nederlands blog:
https://zegmaarlauren.com/

I think I knew, I just chose not to see it.
But of course, the moment I ended my business and knew I would get a job;
I knew LS Harteveld would have to be deleted.

Despite deleting all my work so that I can get a job, the positive thing is; I AM going all in on my writing.
Offline as Lauren Harteveld, writing from 1995.
Online as her publisher Suzanne and as a writer under my real name as well.

My goal is to have a full income from writing and speaking, being present online. So ultimately, I will be able to publish and keep online whatever I want! 
Sure, I still might have a day job, if I enjoy it I could. But it would be a social luxury;
Not something I needed to do for the money, as it is now.

I think that is what is making today so incredibly hard; Knowing that if I had made more progress the last couple of years, end my yoga studio sooner, FOCUSED more, on becoming famous, rich, successful;
None of this would have been nessecary.

I would have been able to keep my online presence by blogging on the actual things, as they actually happened, including my adventures with secret lovers and yes God I still hope the day comes we have the S from plural in there.
But right now I m single.

I m “celebrating” my one year without sex this month. I didn’t even bother to look up the date, as if that would make it worse.
Maybe that’s why deleting all my work from the past 10 years feels extra passive aggressive. It’s not like I ve had anything remotely interesting to write about for the last 12 months. I might as well take a job, since I ve obviously not been using the privacy a life of a blogger has provided me.
With no men and no erotic stories, there is no reason to have these accounts. 

The domains will stay, and I m sure I ll find something to write about.
I mean even something that’s not totally depressing.

It started last year with Lauren Harteveld travelling to the 90s.
Although I kept writing here, it was clear that my personal life including sexual adventures would only be experienced by “her”, and be written down in a fictional setting of a decade long gone.
Then a few weeks ago, I cut deeper: I would write these stories offline, and no longer publish them here.
Then I cut off one arm: I, Lauren, would not write anything online anymore, and leave permanently.
As a result, the Me under my real name stepped in, and she is now curating the blog, and saving all material for books.
And then she came to the inevitable conclusion that since no money was coming in from here, and Steps Into The World would have to be taken, all content had to be deleted.

That we, Lauren Harteveld “and” Suzanne, were not ever going to have colleagues find this blog, quoting diary entries in the canteen. If I include my original site, 500 blog posts will be deleted.
A body of work that could exist because it was shielded from the world.
Because only the people I knew very well and trusted, knew of this account.
They never asked me to explain anything.
They were my friends.

But I m no longer among friends.

Like I said: If I had worked harder, had been more successful, had taken my work as a writer more seriously and not wasted so much time on being a local yoga teacher – not held on to something that has ultimately cost me years of pursuing my real calling – 
If I had done that, I would not be in this position.

I would have been free to keep online whatever it is I wanted, and not be locked up 40 hours a week with an ever changing team of colleagues and co-workers;
An extremely unsafe situation, that requires the highest levels of emotional security.

And I would not be voluntarily cutting off all my limbs.

Until there is just -literally – the body of work, in the form of printed books, and the head.
And a very thick and unpenetrable armor around it.

No wonder my sex life has ceased to exist.
I was forced to lock down a long time ago.

~Suzanne

~Lauren
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

 

Books LS Harteveld/ Lauren

Lauren’s books are currently  still available at LULU
Disclaimer: Lulu has gone through a reorganization and covers do not display correctly. The spine of the book is displayed with the cover (after you ve clicked the description).
I have no idea how this plays out. I assume it will be fine, but I will not know until two weeks from now.
If they’re not alright, I will take all books offline and upload them later this year as second editions.

New books will also be added to Lulu, as sites are being curated.

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2020
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- (Dutch)
5. ALL THE THINGS – unpublished work 2010 – 2020

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.
.
Nederlands blog:
https://zegmaarlauren.com/

In theory it could be a coincidence.
That me taking over management from the LS Harteveld accounts, so that our heroine could take her black leather backpack and ride off into the 90s sunset, was in NO WAY (and I will send her a note reminding her that this is not how we spelled or wrote in the 90s, so that she should keep it real in her diary) related to the cluster fck that was Thursday July 7th, 2020.
Could be.
In theory.

But it is all a little too coincidental to me.
Sure! 
I was very happy that after 16 years of being torn between how do I write my deepest darkest stuff, and communicate about it/ make it real and happening –
I had finally found my answer.
That since my pseudonym LS Harteveld had migrated to 1994 already last year, this provided a loophole. 
First of all it was not a very successful project so far.
All kinds of things had been pulling Lauren back to the current day, the past 11 months.
With the C. crisis- she wanted to depart, forever and for good, but an invisible Force kept pulling her back.
Much to her frustration.

By appointing myself as “her” publisher, she can go to the 90’s for good, and I can finally start speaking about “my” work.
Which has never seemed “my” work, that’s why I needed the pseudonym. The work was so disconnected to everyday life.
There have been times in my life when I thought that I would ultimately only be LS Harteveld.
That Suzanne was a shell.
But now I know that shells can be extremely valuable, and indispensable.
Shells take your punches, they provide you shelter, a place to hide.
I know very well, LS Harteveld would never have survived without Suzanne keeping up the charade. And vice versa; Suzanne would never have survived the past 14 year without Lauren.
Maybe what I experienced today was loss.
Not of the thing I thought I was losing, when I started writing this blog post, but the loss of her.
The realization that ultimately, she doesn’t want to live here, and that she doesn’t need someone to protect her in 1995.
It’s a fantasy. An art project. She is fully in charge.

But the thing I lost today was the dream of starting a new career, here in 2020. Something entirely non-writing related.
I did not expect LS Harteveld to start writing until things were in full swing in her love life in 1995. Which could take a while, since that had bottomed out entirely in 2020.
She had few promising leads, with men.
So with her living her life “there” free of writing hours, and with me managing her accounts here and now looking for a new job, a new career, for daytime hours;
I thought it was pretty much sorted.
I thought this time management thing, where I had to divide my life between two lives 25 years apart, was done.

Until yesterday night, after taking over these accounts and deciding I would now “act” as Suzanne, and safeguard my pseudonym in 1995, I read a diary post Lauren wrote at the beginning of 1995 her time.
Early 2020 our time.
It was around midnight and this is what I read, at the end of that very long and stressful day, where for the first time since 2006, the first time Lauren and I had split and I had promised to take care of her work, I read this……..:

“After two days I decided enough was enough. I am only 22 years old, and I still have my life ahead of me. I took a piece of paper, and drew out what I wanted this year and also for the upcoming years. Just as Bear had done for his.
There were way too many blanks to my liking.
With whom was I going to make love?
Cry?
In whom would I trust?
It was an incredibly lonely exercise, and I can’t say that I’m suddenly healed and looking to the future with hope and dreams.
But I will put one foot in front of another, and become a writer.
Alone if I have to.”
January 7, 1995 I remember when we met

For the first time I understood what my responsibility was. And what was hers. And that we still shared the same body, the same life.
Our fates were bound.
She, Lauren, the now 1995 version of “me”, had to find a way in 1995, to make her career as a writer happening at nighttime hours.
And use her free time for adventures, something to write about of course!
But I, Suzanne, am here to guard the gate, by making money AND taking care of the existing LS Harteveld legacy.

Okay, how do I make this clear:
– evenings are 1995: Lauren having fun or working on her career as a writer in 1995
– weekends are 1995: still having fun or analogue offline writing
This means that I, Suzanne, only have my workhours to make a living AND curate her/ Lauren’s books 2010-2020! 

And this in turn means that ultimately the only thing that’s gonna work, is me being my own boss and turning selling books, for LS Harteveld as well as my own accounts, into my work.

There IS no other career.
That was a HOAX. FAKE NEWS.
I m never going to be fulfilled until I m a fulltime writer.
It wasn’t just Lauren’s dream.

It was ours.

~Suzanne
publisher of LS Harteveld

Books LS Harteveld/ Lauren

Lauren’s books are currently  still available at LULU
Disclaimer: Lulu has gone through a reorganization and covers do not display correctly. The spine of the book is displayed with the cover (after you ve clicked the description).
I have no idea how this plays out. I assume it will be fine, but I will not know until two weeks from now.
If they’re not alright, I will take all books offline and upload them later this year as second editions.

New books will also be added to Lulu, as sites are being curated.

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2020
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- (Dutch)
5. ALL THE THINGS – unpublished work 2010 – 2020

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.
.
Nederlands blog:
https://zegmaarlauren.com/

Very few people know how Cinderella got to sleep a hundred years.
She was actually meant to die.
The reason she slept a hundred years instead, was because one of the fairies who had been invited to the christening had not made her wish yet, when the evil fairy stormed in and cursed Cinderella.
The last fairy was able to change the curse from death to a hundred years of sleep.

I think what I experienced today after yesterday’s blog
2006 – 2020 I m Ending All My Work As LS Harteveld Immediately
was the shock and the horror of someone barging in here and calculating, deciding, and ultimately making the irreversible management decision that there will be no more blogging.
No more writing online.
That LS Harteveld, the pseudonym that has existed since 2006, and that turned to blogging since 2010, can simply not keep living in this age.
The age of social media.
The age of daily content.
The age of daily conversation with whomever reads your work, or doesn’t read your work but follows you online.

That someone was the evil fairy deciding all social accounts and all LS Harteveld websites were to be terminated effective immediately.
All books to be taken down, because they had a soon to be outdated website address in them and because the cover layout may not have survived the software update from the publisher and this could mean all 10 books needed updating.
They were to be taken down and then reprinted under an account that was mine (Suzanne’s).
Not an account that belonged to LS Harteveld, who was no longer among us.

New work would no longer be published because it was just sickening how much it was, and how deeply personal.
How disturbing it was…
It was the kind of work that made LS Harteveld so sick that she would never write again if it meant knowing that one day she’d have to revise and copy edit every letter put to paper.
She wanted to go to 1995.
Not curate her work from 2010-2020 plus redo all the books that might have a not-ideal cover.
She didn’t want to invest another damn minute, into those 10 books which had been DONE in 2017!

Yes, I think ultimately the thought that even if she’d somehow succeed in curating and publishing her work 2010-2020, it could still be undone years from now.
It would always need her.
She’d always need to guard it, or it could be destroyed by a simple software update.

If she accepted the task of being the caretaker of her own work, the work would never, ever be done….

She, LS Harteveld, Lauren, told us the truth yesterday.
It is all true.
But her conclusion, that because she can no longer be here, and no longer wants to participate in this world, and therefor we have to quit all her accounts?
No.
That is not true.
That was not even her choice to make.
Just like when you die, ultimately your loved ones decide what will happen to your legacy. 
Lauren didn’t die, but she migrated to another time and left us her belongings.
And now we decide what to do with it.

So here’s what I, in my role of her curator and good fairy, have been able to do in our first 24 hours:
Yes, I will be in charge of publishing the new LS Harteveld books, but despite her order to terminate all accounts – I will not do that.
I will keep all accounts intact.
The blogs will be emptied out, because this is a new era; The era where LS Harteveld has become “a voice from the past.”
For this reason, I will leave her series 1995 on this page – this will be her final blog series.
This will be where she ended her career in 2020 and will pick up writing (offline) in 1995.

Right after last night’s blog I ordered a couple of books from the web shop. All the covers do seem to be slightly “off”, and although I believe it is the publisher’s responsibility to give me headsup if I need to revise the 10 books after their big software update (and changing some of the sizes from the books, I heard) I have taken action to find out what’s up.
Maybe it displays “off” when you order them, or maybe they’ll still be okay.
Let’s find out.

In about two weeks I will know the answer, and if they do not come out okay, yes I will take them down.
At your own risk – like I said, they had a software update – you can buy my ten books here.
Or you can wait – but you may risk not seeing them again for a long time.
If the covers are off, I will take them down immediately, and redesign them to meet new software demands (and all books will become a second edition, first edition will no longer be available).
And this could take a while.

And the other thing I did today, was more of a mental thing.
I made my peace with it.
LS Harteveld the blogger, the online writer, is no longer here.
I will talk to you from the persona of real me and I will know LS Harteveld only through her work, much the same as you.
That was the mourning part.

From 2010-2020 I have really loved writing online, being LS Harteveld/ Lauren. But I have also been aware that the immediate exposure of the work, and with that the immediate coming to terms with it or accountability, was in a way counterproductive to writing.
Some things need secrecy.
The best things do, I think.

So although today was spent coming to terms with that, I know there is always hope.
And sometimes hope is a fairy who has not yet made her wish,
and who can turn a finite ending, into a very long sleep.

Even if that fairy, is you saving you from yourself.

~Suzanne
publisher of LS Harteveld

Books LS Harteveld/ Lauren

Lauren’s books are currently  still available at LULU
Disclaimer: Lulu has gone through a reorganization and covers do not display correctly. The spine of the book is displayed with the cover (after you ve clicked the description).
I have no idea how this plays out. I assume it will be fine, but I will not know until two weeks from now.
If they’re not alright, I will take all books offline and upload them later this year as second editions.

New books will also be added to Lulu, as sites are being curated.

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2020
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- (Dutch)
5. ALL THE THINGS – unpublished work 2010 – 2020

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.
.
Nederlands blog:
https://zegmaarlauren.com/

Dear Reader,

Today was another day I spent curating work, some letters and posts up to 9 years old.
And I know this could be one of those mid-labor thingy’s where you’re like:
“I never want another child.”
Only to then get pregnant again within three years, but this is not a new thought.
The relationship between writing candidly about whatever I want, which were diary posts and other posts often directly linked to my own life, and not desiring to discuss them –
has been straining from the start which was 2006.

If you want the management summary:
Follow Rock Star Writer blog
and
Rock Star Writer on Facebook

These are accounts under my real name (Suzanne),
where I will eventually even make all my LS Harteveld material available in print, but I have no idea when and I will stop all my LS Harteveld accounts.
So I will no longer communicate as her, just about her.

So although having a pseudonym was still functional at the beginning of the century, and even in the age of blogging –
With social media currently making the direct interaction with your readers the most valuable aspect, books and even blogging have become more of a sideshow.
You are in constant conversation with other people and you also write.
Whereas it used to be: you write first and then post it to social media.
Being a creator used to be the main reason to be on social media, but they’re social for a reason of course.
And I think by now it’s no longer nessecary, or perhaps even desirable really, to be a creator when you’re on social media.
Aside from maybe artistic expressions that are tailored specifically to the medium itself –
like Instagram has turned many of us into creators.
But that is different from the way I started, when writing and wanting to share it, was a completely legit reason to be on social media.
It’s kind of no longer that time anymore.

And because it is no longer that secretive who is behind an account, and because conversation about all sorts of topics, is part of what we do on social media, I have been moving gradually but now ultimately and decisively – to writing and speaking far less candidly, but under my real name.
This way I can keep writing and expressing myself.
But I don’t have to shy away from having a conversation about it.

So that is the reason I am cancelling all my LS Harteveld accounts, but I have considered staying “in business” with my books/ keep them available.

But I have decided I’m also cancelling all my books, and I had no less than SEVEN good reasons to do so:

1. software Update with the publisher

Lulu International had a change in software, which has many changes but one of them was that Dutch Lulu has been cancelled.
This means I no longer have a local customer service and my Dutch clients no longer have a Dutch user interface or customer service.
More importantly the update has made it unsure if my books are still printed the way they’re supposed to.
They’ve made some adjustments with the sizes, and the covers do not look good.
Staying “in business” as LS Harteveld would mean I would have to buy them all again, and check if they still come out okay.

2. I already quit writing about sensitive subjects and don’t really crave writing anything else (here)

Because writing has been straining for my love life, as well as all my other relationships, I had already decided I was going to quit writing about those matters.
The topics I write about under my real name, are far less personal.
So I had already quit being a writer of interesting things – it was only a matter of time before I realized that my pseudonym was only for the interesting things.
If I m no longer up for the job, there is no reason to stay.

3. email address and website

The books I have on Lulu.com have my old website address in there, as well as the email attached to it.
Also, the Lulu account itself uses my email address that is attached to it.
If I would keep my books available online, it would mean having to keep an email address/ website, and therefor still being “available” for feedback or to discuss the books.
In 2006 a pseudonym was a safe haven.
in 2020 social media have brought the writers and the rock stars right into your timeline;
Which is great!
But this really makes it pointless to have a pseudonym.
I don’t want to have a discussion about that work ever again, and want all websites gone.
Including the one mentioned on the first page of the book.

4. The Work is Too Painful

Like I said, I dug deep today. 
2011.
Everybody I cared for, and written about the last decade, has migrated, moved on, or is out of my life. And it often went in a very painful manner.
Family has stayed of course – but I never discuss my work with them.

I read 10 years of unpublished work and I see FOR WHAT I did it.
Was it worth the price?

My collected work is like a war memorial, knowing how you’ve lost almost everybody. And I m not saying I want them back in my life. It’s just that the time I wrote about evenings with friends, have such a bitter aftertaste – I can’t publish those retrieved stories with the same love I did in 2017, when I published my 10 other books.
And even worse:
I can’t reread those 10 books without feeling the loss of everything and everyone I lost since 2017.
Which is why I m taking all my books on Lulu down.
If you still want them (at your own risk – like I said, they had a software update) you can buy them here.

5. I want to become a full-time speaker and writer

On the outside I m making this “get a normal job” move, which I AM serious about! But on the inside I know that especially then, I m going to need a creative outlet that allows me to express myself fully.
Something that is truly empowering, and counterbalances doing someone else’s work 40 hours a week.
When I get home at 6 I m going to need something that’s strong, fast, and takes immediate effect.
A secret diary about my love life, that I publish once every two or three years, when the first storm has blown over – oh no. That is really not going to cover it.
Last year I cancelled my LS Harteveld YouTube, because I knew I was going to be more visible under my real name and didn’t want conflicting YouTube channels out there.
But if I get a job, and have very little time – everything has to be on point, immediately.
I have no time to waste, spreading myself thin over two identities.
And when that other identity does catch fire, and I generate an income out of it, it becomes pointless too, to have this secret one still out there.
It’s a conflict of interest.

6. I can republish my books “under” my real name

Once I have closed down all my LS Harteveld accounts, and invited everybody who is interested in that, to follow me under my real name, I can publish my LS Harteveld work with my new publisher, or perhaps the same publisher but using an account that is directly tied to me (not to my lsharteveld email).
I can indicate this is curated work, from an account that no longer exists.
I will not reprint it with my “own” name on the cover;
Even the yoga book I still have here, The White Tigress yoga book, and which I could easily sell as being “mine” under my real name;
It’s written in the spirit of LS Harteveld.
Not in the spirit of who I am in daily life.

And last but definitely not least!

7. I ve moved to 1995

Lauren Harteveld has moved to 1994, now 1995.
You can read these posts here on this page for as long as this site is up.
In 1995, Lauren has a day job but she wants to be a writer.
By making being in 2020 my “job”, and giving Lauren her “writing career” after her work,
I m essentially making space for this project.
This blog post, the one you re reading now, was not supposed to happen.
Lauren should go to bed/ lights out at 23.00.
But I didn’t want to waste another day-
Tomorrow morning I want to wake up as Lauren, in 1995.
Then I get behind my desk and from 08.00 to 17.30 it is 2020.
And then after 17.30 her computer no longer has to email and social media, because it is 1995 again.

That’s why I wrote you now, on my Tuesday night. 
Maybe that’s the key right?
Curating and publishing the work I/LS Harteveld created from 2010-2020, can be part of my day job- but the LS Harteveld who wrote from 2006-2020? She has moved.
She’s in 1995.

If we ever want to read the diaries she writes there, or firstly just give her the time and space to have an interesting life and some adventures after work, we need to set her free.

Meanwhile I, daytime me, invites you to join me on the Rock Star side.
Rock on.

~LS Harteveld/ Lauren/ Suzanne 

As long as this site is up, my books will be available.
At your own risk – like I said, they had a software update – you can buy them here.

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