The strange sabotage that is kind of ingrained into the fabric of our coming-together, is me not being what I appear to be.

I am a woman but I think the reason my click with men is so weird is because on the inside I am a man. A gay one.

I did not fact check but I heard or it was claimed that’s how Madonna described her sexuality. As being a gay man in a woman’s body. And maybe because of that I have used it as a sort of tongue in cheek label to describe myself but never looked into it.
The catchy-ness of the phrase “gay-man in a woman’s body” was a bit of a conversation stopper and I never thought it through what the consequence was.
And if maybe, it could explain the unsatisfactory patterns in my love life.
But obviously, it can!

We were heterosexual when the magic was most likely rooted in the sameness. Like a bromance, but in two heterosexual bodies.

And I now realize that however short or long it lasted, I never felt like a woman who was rejected;
But like a man who saw a friend turn his back on him.

No wonder that fucking hurt.

.~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living