I received my sexual and professional calling

Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone) in the movie Basic instinct 1992 would become one of the most profound aspects of my sexuality as well as my identity as a writer

This is a letter to my creativity coach Sara
Before our call I always give her a headsup.

Dear Sara,

This post is based on a copy of my previous “Dear Sara” post, which has the added “benefit” that I inadvertently get a glance of what I wrote last time.
And I saw I ve come back on so much of it…
It was an extensive blogpost that must have taken me 5,6 hours, and to see it was so off in many ways, makes it seem like a waste of time.
I also just spent 50 minutes going back and forth through my notes for today’s blogpost, as well as rereading the last one.
50 Minutes!
But I also see that if I start at the beginning, the first topic I wrote you about last time (Summer of Love), and let it unfold from there;
That everything I want to tell you in this letter will unfold by itself.
So let’s.

summer of love                

This one still stands.
We came to the conclusion that I, just like many of us, am still dependent on a partner to validate my sexual identity and generate my sexual energy.
People like my lover are running around with their pockets filled with sexual gold, figuratively speaking.
But because it’s not real money other people, and that includes me, think it’s okay to live off their wealth.

And may even demand they become monogamous! I mean wtf, right?
First you let someone pay the bill and then you rob them of their income.
My decision was this year would be my summer of love, and that still stands.
I want to fill my own pockets.
It’s called a sexual odyssey and it’s a series that runs here on this blog, and my facebook page.
The absolute most important conclusion so far is that my creativity and writing in particular, are my default sexuality. That’s how I fill my pockets.
Not physical sex.
If I was to go for 40 days without writing, the effects would be severe, whereas I ve gone without sex with a partner for months or years and I was fine.
Another thing that I might as well share immediately! Since I want to keep this a short letter!
Is that I ve received my sexual calling.
It was through a dream where I told someone I respect highly, a theory of how sexual wealth is often not acknowledged. And how it is entirely normalized to live off other people’s sexual wealth instead of developing your own.
And how this plays out throughout marriages as well, because the sexual bank accounts are not properly managed, nor even acknowledged.
I told her, this business coach I respect the very highest, that you could use all vocabulary from everyday psychology as well as investment banking and personal finance, and you could apply them to sex and a whole new world would open up for you.
You would wonder how we managed to miss this.
Rereading the previous letter I sent to you, I encountered a book title from a book I was not going to write.
It had a word in there, that is one of those words from psychology, but applied to sex.
Sexual integrity
This book title was:
Reclaim your sexual integrity by quitting monogamy today!
We learn that No means No, but as long as we are not allowed to say yes if we want to have sex (and so does the other party) we are no longer in sexual integrity.
But you can also apply the trick of adding the word sexual to terms like:
Capital, wealth, resilience, revenues.
And just like with money, the hardest is getting to your first 100K;
That is the level where you have to overcome the hurdles of your past, and whatever oppression you experience for being sexual.
But once you’re past your 100K mark, feeling that wealthy or secure sexually, then it becomes easy.
Just like self-made entrepreneurs, you know you could go bankrupt and you would build it all again.
That the assets can be taken away from you just like a partner or ideal lover can leave.
But someone who’s hit the 100K sexual mark, will rebuild their sex life. Always.
Someone like that will never believe their sex life is dependent on that one person. Well it is dependent on one person; Themselves! Ha ha ha.
I didn’t say that much in my dream, it was shorter but a coherent story came out that I cannot remember ever telling before. It was as if the topic came out “fully grown”.
The coach looked at me, and said I should go tell THIS to the world, and how she would set it all up with her clientele, and we’d run a program together.
I woke up and knew I had found my calling.
And also that a how long, four? Five?  month period where I thought I would start working under my real name and let Lauren Harteveld be just a worksop, a hobby project;
That had come to an end!
This topic about non-monogamy and sexual wealth was not meant to be shared with the world under my real name. I would lose tremendous momentum, and get caught up in the hiccups of crossovers between my private or past professional life, and this new sexual calling.
So my conclusion in my last letter to you, that I wasn’t going to write that book “Unbound” was correct, because 2,5 weeks ago I was still going all in under my real name and if that book gets written it will indeed not get written under that name.
My sexual calling is as Lauren Harteveld.
And although I do not have a business model it does make this a professional account. For the first time ever.
I am the writer and speaker Lauren Harteveld.
I still feel I will never be a coach and business owner Lauren Harteveld, but (contrary to what I said in the prior letter, where Lauren Harteveld was merely a hobby)
Lauren Harteveld does speak. This is more than a writing-only account.
I am very comfortable speaking about these topics and I will reboot my YouTube channel which I left about two years ago.
Lauren Harteveld is my main gig, and my real name has become the leisure account.
My work as Lauren Harteveld is to show up in the conversation about sexual wealth, non-monogamy,  and sexual integrity.
Although I am still frustrated I ve experienced so much resistance publishing my (own) books, a shift has taken place in how important I find them.
I m no longer letting this publishing hurdle stop my other work.
This conclusion is not entirely new, I ve talked about this before. But what I knew then was that postponing going all in on your work until the book is done, means you re saying your worth or credibility is in your book.
When my worth is in being present, and joining the conversation. 
I am not defined by a book people may or may not read and may or may not like. The message is simply too important. So I knew that part a while back.
But the reason I m even more “relaxed” today, about not being as far with the books as I wanted, is because I now see books as a medium, are so not me.
I live in the day to day conversation, and like this letter shows, even a blogpost I wrote 2,5 weeks ago feels entirely outdated. So much changes all of the time, most of all me! 
I m not someone who will come up with one system and one book, that they will expand on for the rest of their lives. 
My value is in BEING in the conversation NOW!
Books are what is left of you when you’re dead.
Or not.
When I m dying they will be the last thing on my mind.
After the dream I woke up and changed my bio.
This is what it said:
LS Harteveld
Advocate for sexual wealth, sex for solitary women & non-monogamy
Current diaries:
1996 series, The Covid Diaries
& NEW: 2021 A Sexual Odyssey
It felt like a milestone.
It WAS, a milestone.

An unexamined life is not worth living

* Want to work with Sara too? Subscribe for updates on Sara’s upcoming Academy here,
or contact her through her Facebook page for a one-on-one coaching request.


My diaries are available at LULU 
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