The guiltiest of pleasures is moving me to the bone

pink 80s interior, Desperately Seeking Susan

After watching Atomic Blonde, set in Berlin 1989, so often I knew its one-liners by heart (and the were a lot of them) I decided to go for the real thing.
Instead of reenacted 80s, I was going back to Desperately Seeking Susan, a movie from 1985, which was shot in the weeks Madonna became a worldwide star.
By the time filming was done, they had their own security to keep the fans from the set.
I saw the movie when I was the ideal Madonna fan age – 13 years old.
In hindsight the story of a suburban housewife becoming obsessed with the wild and free Madonna, was the patient zero story of Madonna wannabes.
I ve toyed with the eighties for a long time.
First time was in the 90s already, with the movie The Wedding Singer, which must have been the first 80s retro-comedy.
So far, my highlight has not been a movie but an entire 80s exposition in a museum.
With cabins where you could watch clips from Dynasty and Dirty Dancing.
Visit recreated teenager rooms with Duran Duran posters on the walls.
Play an old Pacman game.
And so on.
In the final room they had school agendas on exhibit, pasted cover to cover with clippings from idols.
The exact same agendas I keep in my filing cabinet.
So all in all my eighties obsession is nothing new.
But what is new is that for the first time I ve taken an interest in what I will call the “Miami Vice” look.
Atomic Blonde emphazid the black and white theme of the eighties, and neon colour, but sparsely used.
It was gritty.
Watching Desperately Seeking Susan again, I feel drawn to that pink, Miami-like look.
You remember? The one that also might have this green or mint in it.
I noticed it in a film, Madonna and the Breakfast Club.
After parting ways with Madonna, the documentary showed the album the band had made, a pink/mint 80s design.
(see photo)
That’s when I ejected my Atomic Blonde dvd from my player, after playing it weeks on end, and put Desperately Seeking Susan in.
Press play.
Ooohhhhh the pink! The pink interior that was used as a backdrop for the suburban housewife, was absolutely irresistible.
And down the rabbit hole I went!
I started listening to the Miami Vice soundtrack.
Visited secondhand stores for 80s things.
Asked the local bookstore when the school agendas would arrive.
And started fantasizing about revamping my yoga studio to an 80s interior!
My studio location is currently not operational, and it is unsure if it will be back up.
It’s up to the landlord.
It won’t affect my starting date, which is April 17. I m open for business, offering private yoga classes in Nijmegen. As I m renting space somewhere else.
But to just think that if I get my own location back up, I can redecorate it 80s style.
I haven’t been this excited since rediscovering Gerry the Cat.
That is the guy who created an entire stationary series in the 80s:
A stewardess drinking 7Up.
The star sisters.
And my personal favorite: Two girls blowing gum.
I will need a Gerry the Cat poster in my studio.
And I saw a photo online of an old-timer garage here in the Netherlands. The had invested in two palm trees and a cobalt blue carpet at the entrance of their showroom.
It’s things like that, that make my mouth water.
And my heart sing.

~Lauren
Follow the marshmallows. *

*) Follow the marshmallows is based on the idea that the most likely way God will show you your path, is by making it look urgent and/or very appealing.
You will feel an urge, a rush of energy, a pull towards it!
Like wanting to pick up teaching yoga 😉
It will actually require effort to not do it, to restrain yourself. 

Don’t restrain, eat the marshmallow.  And more likely than not, the second marshmallow will appear immediately after.

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

About this blog

Is the ninth chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

The Magnetic Entrepreneur

It says entrepreneur but it could say anything.
Yogi.
Man.
Woman.
Warrior.
Mother.
Because today, just as I was preparing a Passion Planner (that’s a brand of agenda) to start functioning as my day to day calendar, I went through my list of goals as I see them today.
Over the last week I had come to realize that three aspects of my life, which I had seen as independent from each other, and therefor ultimately replacable should they fail to provide me the outcome I needed from them (even if that outcome was “joy”) I could not take that out, without suffering consequences in the other areas.
That my entire identity was carefully crafted around these things. And I had given up the dream to get a new career in business, in order to replace two out of three.
I had gotten far, far beyond the point of return.
This was who I was, these three areas were linked:
1. to be a yoga teacher
Either on YouTube, or writing books, or teaching private classes. And the most likely scenario was that it was going to be a combination of the three.
2. An entrepreneur, a marketer.
Writing for my business, or making videos, with something to sell at the end, is my ideal way of doing it.
Not art without context.
I like the incentive of having something to sell, even if no one would buy.
Being an entrepreneur structures my work as a creative.
3. Being a writer
Like today, with 30 minutes and pressing for time, what do I do? I write. Even when in theory making a short video for my YouTube would take less time.
I m first and foremost a writer.
Sometimes I m not even sure if I have it in me to build a following on YouTube. I keep doubting myself, if that’s the way to go.
I suppose now that I am selling yoga in Nijmegen, the answer will be Yes.
I do want people (you!) to connect with me energetically, which to me is video.
But I d rather write. Obviously. (I think I just answered my own question! lol)
(meaning: No, you should NOT do something that doesn’t lift you up in order to sell!)
Anyway, these three things:
Teaching yoga.
Being an entrepreneur aka selling something (yoga, books, coaching)
And writing.
Are interconnected. I can’t go around cherry picking if teaching yoga is not making enough money (as I initially did do, when I ended my yoga studio in group classes). I can’t end marketing if I think it’s costing too much time.
I can’t end writing either based on it being too time consuming, or feeling spent. Which I do.
So I knew all that by now.
I knew that even, worst case scenario, I had to spend an entire workweek in a regular job, I would still need to do my selling, my writing and my teaching in some form, or I wouldn’t do either one of them, and be stuck in a job with no life of my own.
I couldn’t just pick one of the three.
So I was setting up this Passion Planner, and it comes with cool mind maps where you draw out your goals into steps and plans.
Because I knew I would pick that up as well, and one of these days I would create a Mind Map for myself; I decided to just write out my goals and dreams one more time, on my own.
And deduct the key ingredients my life should have.
The main goals in my life are to be my own boss, and be from home for limited hours, so that I can have a nice life with cats and ample free time to do whatever I want.
And the second goal is to have a lover, or feel sexually attractive anyway, and feel good within my own body.
And I realized that for both goals the basic thing that was needed was the same:
To become (or be) magnetic.
Magnetic so people feel just as good as you do, and happy with themselves. And you make their day better, and everything feels light and easy for the both of you.
To be magnetic is the key thing for everything I want.
Which is why, coming back to the video example, I should not make videos unless I first feel really good. And then also, start paying attention what filming actually does to me.
Does it make me feel good, and more on fire?
Or does it deplete me, and start to doubt myself?
All energy I can’t spend on my clients, or other people I encounter.
To make feeling magnetic the prime focus of my day, feels like an absolute breakthrough in knowing what to do, or what not to do.
And writing this post, did not make me feel spent at all 🙂

~Lauren
Follow the marshmallows. *

*) Follow the marshmallows is based on the idea that the most likely way God will show you your path, is by making it look urgent and/or very appealing.
You will feel an urge, a rush of energy, a pull towards it!
Like wanting to pick up teaching yoga 😉
It will actually require effort to not do it, to restrain yourself. 

Don’t restrain, eat the marshmallow.  And more likely than not, the second marshmallow will appear immediately after.

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

About this blog

Is the eighth chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

You re going to be amazed at what happens next


One of the first Tara Stiles videos 2008.

Dear Sara,

I don’t want to pretend the past two weeks were a steady, fast moving line going up.
Although it might be easy to conclude that, given the spectacular result.
Rather it was a steep line downhill, which bounced back after a 72 hour low.
Just.

So I m going to give you the management summary,
and I hope for all our sakes, this is the shortest email I ve ever written to you.
Because there is so much to say, attempting to actually explain myself is a lost cause to begin with.

All in all, I ve come to the conclusion that my creativity was intimately linked to my job as a yoga teacher.
Although I still stand by my decision to no longer focus on group classes, and can look back with compassion at my earlier attempt to try to switch to (also) teaching privates – I now see that taking this new yoga business out within months, because I failed to make it work, has had some unforeseen consequences:
Essentially, I lost myself.

Which is why I have chosen to become a private yoga teacher again, starting 17 April.
This is 16 years after teaching my first paid yoga class, the start of my career.
I ve already registered my yoga company, tomorrow night I have an appointment to take a look at a new yoga space.
I m going to teach under two different names:
My real name, where yoga will be tied to a childlike energy, like Fischer Price yoga! But it’s an energy of honesty, and vulnerability.
Instead of writing my, eh, Fischer Price yoga book!, I ve decided to share the schedules on my blog and create yoga videos to go along with it.
So I m curating the Dutch yoga book online and creating instructional videos, at the same time.
So Fischer Price yoga is under my real name.
As Lauren Harteveld however, yoga will not be Fischer Price at all, but linked to feeling your power as a woman.
I will support this with my Dutch LSH blog (the one I abandoned two weeks ago), and also tie this to my LSH YouTube channel and my work as a coach. 
And I ve refound my love for Tara Stiles, whose work I started following around 2009.
The prime of my yoga career!

Either way, to sum it all up, I ve chosen this direction, and feel really good about it. This way yoga, and creativity (as a writer and YouTuber) can co-exist. Like they always have.
If I had followed the pretty delusional call to become successful at working in a real job (I will refer to this as my “savior fantasy” where I m saved from being an entrepreneur) my creativity would not have been provided for.
Here are the ways teaching yoga, has sustained and inspired my writing: 

1. Yoga provided money, in other words, the means to write.
2. Yoga provided ample free time to write.
3. Yoga provided a topic to write about.
4. Yoga provided a reason to create, as all my Dutch content was linked to the yoga studio.
5. Yoga provided a reason to quit the desk work around 5
6. Yoga gave reason and meaning to the evenings, it provided much needed connection.
That is the main reason why my initial future dream job, on the payroll yet working from home with cats, is no longer my dream job at all.
I want to go out into the world and do something!
But unsurprisingly, I want it exactly on my terms. lol Yoga gave that.
2, 3 classes a day max.
So all in all, I started realizing that I missed the structure yoga had given me.
I have chosen to be a yoga teacher again, a private one. And a coach, but I already had that.
And if I have to take another job, because it’s not providing an income, than I will do that.
But I can’t NOT be a yoga teacher. Just like I can’t NOT be a writer (really)
And just like I can’t NOT do marketing, because I love that too.
Marketing = also my creative expression.
So being an entrepreneur, being a yoga teacher, and being a writer, are all intimately connected.
I quit writing diaries, personal things, a few weeks back. Because it was driving me mad.
But do you remember the book on consent play, in January?
The one that derailed my entire life?
By now I m convinced that didn’t have anything to do with the topic, as I originally assumed. It was because being a writer, without the yoga and the entrepreneurship, is painful.
And no joy at all.
The only way to restore writing, and making videos too, is by acknowledging that I don’t have a choice to become a successful business person, or Vice for someone else.
That was just a dream. (of being saved from myself)
This is who I am: An entrepreneur, a yoga teacher, a creator.
In no particular order, as long as it’s ALL of it.

~Lauren

Follow the marshmallows. *

my offer for private yoga will appear on my Dutch site:
Zeg maar Lauren

Upcoming:

I ve rebooted my YouTube Channel!
Subscribe to my YouTube and get my new daily videos. 

Yoga Challenge

After being brough back to basics by Tara Stiles, I remembered I have an entire archive on a yoga challenge I did.
It was 2011 I think, and it lasted for 21 weeks!
It’s a weekly challenge, based on the book Slim Calm Sexy Yoga
This was also the first yoga blog I ever had.
I m going to retrieve that diary, and their schedules, and reboot this home yoga challenge for this site.
Stay tuned!

*) Follow the marshmallows is based on the idea that the most likely way God will show you your path, is by making it look urgent and/or very appealing.
You will feel an urge, a rush of energy, a pull towards it!
Like wanting to pick up teaching yoga 😉
It will actually require effort to not do it, to restrain yourself. 

Don’t restrain, eat the marshmallow.  And more likely than not, the second marshmallow will appear immediately after.

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

About this blog

Is the seventh chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

The thing that brought me back

There were multiple things that brought me back to yoga:
The realization that I had fallen in love with making yoga schedules, and my home practice. Right from my first yoga class!
I had already been doing these things late 90s, before I had even started my teacher training.
And I had also liked the private classes I had taught, especially in the final year my studio had existed. The 1-on-1s with these students, in my basement studio.
Yet I still had not decided I was going to make a come-back as a teacher.
Too hung up perhaps on not wanting to go freelance again, with something that had not provided a decent living in the final years.
So yes: I was going to pick up making yoga schedules, and do my own practice.
But no: I didn’t intend to make my living out of it because duh, that wasn’t working.
Instead, I was going to pursue a career in business, and no longer be bothered with the worries of running your own yoga studio in a market that had gotten increasingly competitive.
But the more concrete the career became (what business, what job) the less enthusiastic I became.
To make matters worse, in the meanwhile I had stopped writing.
Without my yoga classes at night to keep me grounded, and my 5 or 6 PM deadline to shut off my computer, my place in this world had become disturbingly unclear.
Was it really my purpose to just publish my four new books, and write a diary post each day?
How on earth was I going to fill my days, in a way that didn’t feel totally isolated?
The carefree writing I had planned on doing, unbothered by worries of having to “make” my studio work, turned out to be a trap…
So on one hand there were all these red flags surrounding my new job as an employee, and my side hustle as a writer.
And on the other hand there were these elements of yoga I had liked.
Not to mention the delicate equilibrium writing and yoga had turned out to be!
When I left my yoga studio behind in 2018, after teaching for 15 teaching and writing for 12 years, I had insufficiently realized, they had been a team.
The two had developed in conjunction.
And although it was understandable that I had cherry picked writing, and discarded yoga because it was no longer making enough money-
it was also not the end of the story.
Writing had never lived, without yoga.
As the months went by, and I grew increasingly desperate about my unsatisfactory writing and the big question of what to do with my life. It felt like I was going in circles.
And then little pieces of the puzzle started to appear. I wanted to coach, as Lauren Harteveld. I wanted to share my yoga schedules on my blog under my real name.
In the slipstream of sharing my yoga schedules there, the desire grew to to start teaching privates again as well.
And after setting up the idea to start teaching privates under my real name, I wanted to start teaching privates as Lauren Harteveld as well.
I have not created the offer yet, but it will be private yoga classes for women, here in Nijmegen.
Yet still, the vision wasn’t complete.
They were just pieces of the puzzle. I couldn’t feel what they were leading up to.
And then the strangest thing happened.
I saw a photo on Facebook from a Strala studio, the studio of Tara Stiles.
And I got it!
I reconnected back to 2005-2010 (rough estimate!) when I was suffering from Dutch yoga escapism, by reading Yoga Journals, an American yoga glossy, and also watching the earliest videos from Tara Stiles on YouTube.
By the time she released her book, Slim Calm Sexy Yoga, I practically camped on Amazon to be the first to order.
In the following years she became better known, and all her later books have been translated to Dutch.
But having that first one, still makes my heart sing!
And seeing that photo, from the Strala studio in New York, a place that no longer even exists because Tara Stiles and her family moved up into the mountains – but the picture of that studio brought me back to the time when my identification with being a yoga teacher had been strongest.
The urban, American, studio vibe I had been absorbing 2005-2010, or maybe 2011.
I saw that picture and I knew:
That is me.
THAT is my teaching vibe.
Tara Stiles may have moved up into the mountains to connect with nature, but here is where I dwell… here is where the heart is.
Inner city yoga life.
Between the cabs, the noise, the busyness.
I am an inner city private yoga teacher.
Namaste.

 

~Lauren
Follow the marshmallows. *

my offer for private yoga will appear on my Dutch site:
Zeg maar Lauren

Upcoming:

I ve rebooted my YouTube Channel!
Subscribe to my YouTube and be the first to get my new video Monday April 1

Yoga Challenge

After being brough back to basics by Tara Stiles, I remembered I have an entire archive on a yoga challenge I did.
It was 2011 I think, and it lasted for 21 weeks!
It’s a weekly challenge, based on the book Slim Calm Sexy Yoga
This was also the first yoga blog I ever had.
I m going to retrieve that diary, and their schedules, and reboot this home yoga challenge for this site.
Stay tuned!

*) Follow the marshmallows is based on the idea that the most likely way God will show you your path, is by making it look urgent and/or very appealing.
You will feel an urge, a rush of energy, a pull towards it!
Like wanting to pick up teaching yoga 😉
It will actually require effort to not do it, to restrain yourself. 

Don’t restrain, eat the marshmallow.  And more likely than not, the second marshmallow will appear immediately after.

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

About this blog

Is the sixth chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Be clear where you want to go, do research, plan your route. …I M KIDDING! JUST FOLLOW THE MARSHMALLOWS!

A week ago I made a seemingly insignificant decision for my business:
To stop writing in Dutch, under this name Lauren Harteveld.
I had a thousand reasons to do so.
Okay, just one – I wanted to focus on being a coach, not a writer.
But from that one decision,
a whole series of events unfolded.
All amazing stuff and currently I m entering the most daring, boldest two months of my life.
It s FULL-ON!
But exciting indeed.
As I m looking into how I want to proceed, I find myself thinking about repurposing an old website and an old domain name from my old yoga biz, to support my new local business, teaching private yoga.
But I just wasn’t feeling it, you know?
I have an incredibly cute alter-ego in Dutch, and from that place I ve made a soft launch, for this new yoga business.
It’s like the Fischer Price version of private yoga, so cute you can eat if with a spoon.
I love that.
But although I support the idea of setting up a “real” page, offering “real” private yoga, the kind that rock stars and badass men and women are on the lookout for and recommend to each other,
I just wasn’t feeling that vibe with this old professional website, which was tied to my old/ my real name. It felt like breaking a promise I made to myself half a year ago;
That I never had to work under my real name again, ever.
from now on, Lauren Harteveld would do all the work, earn all the monies, and she’d find a way one or another. Either working for a boss or for herself.
To breathe life into my new and exciting yoga business, but using my old website, didn’t feel expansive and joyful at all.
And then I got it!
Oh.My.God.
What if… what if!
I start teaching yoga locally, AS Lauren Harteveld!
What if I use my Dutch Lauren Harteveld site, the one where I had quit writing a week ago, and made that my site for private yoga and in person coaching here in Nijmegen?
I felt so excited, I started writing this blog post right away even though I m in the middle of composing a very important and complicated email to my accountant.
So you see?
I didn’t plan ahead at all, when I decided to quit writing about films and books, for my Dutch LS Harteveld site.
Yet after that, in the still after the storm,
my cute baby alter-ego picked up the idea to teach Fischer Price yoga.
And then, with my online coaching offer here on this site, and Fischer Price yoga locally, I got inspired to dial up the heat on my biz.
And started thinking about a professional yoga website;
and THEN (but only then!) the light bulb moment came to start teaching privates and do in person coaching as well, both as Lauren Harteveld.
Instead of just baby yoga 😉 locally
and online coaching.
So two new, very exciting things added to my business overnight.
If one week ago, I had been too fearful, or in doubt about quitting writing in Dutch, none of this would have happened.
Not Fischer Price yoga, for people who connect with the cutest, sweetest version of me.
Not in the person coaching, here in Nijmegen.
Not an entire new career of Lauren Harteveld teaching privates.
Nothing.
So you see:
Don’t plan anything.
All you have to do is walk away from what doesn’t feel right and take the step right in front of you. Even if, and maybe especially, if you cannot see the whole staircase.

Just follow the marshmallows.

~Lauren
Follow the marshmallows. *

This English post was a sneak peek!
My new Dutch/Nijmegen coaching and yoga offer will be posted here on a joyfully revamped Zeg maar Lauren,
page as soon as possible
Subscribe on that blog to get it in your mailbox.

*) Follow the marshmallows is based on the idea that the most likely way God will show you your path, is by making it look urgent and/or very appealing.
You will feel an urge, a rush of energy, a pull towards it!
Like wanting to pick up teaching yoga 😉
It will actually require effort to not do it, to restrain yourself. 

Don’t restrain, eat the marshmallow.  And more likely than not, the second marshmallow will appear immediately after.

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

About this blog

Is the fifth chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Heart jumping with joy! Back teaching yoga!

me in my yoga studio yesterday night: I kept the location on as a business address

Nooooo, I didn’t see it coming!
Ha ha ha.
And I m sure I ll have so much to tell about this epic turn of events, I expect I will not be able to shut up about it.
For example, isn’t it legendary, that when I did my first yoga session at my abandoned studio, the music I used was Bon Jovi’s album “This House is Not For Sale”.
????
!!!!!
I was gawking at my cd player (yes I have a cd player), as if I was hearing the words for the very first time.
This house is not for sale
Where memories live and the dream don’t fail
This house is not for sale
Coming home
I’m coming home
I cried. And not because I knew my body would probably do its own crying during yoga, after having been neglected ever since I stopped teaching.
I cried because it was all so magical, everything about it.
Having the worst year of your life, 2018. Failing to save my business with a switch from group classes to private studio.
It had all been very emotional, and I didn’t want to let students from group classes down.
The chance I had at making a successful switch to teaching privates was undermined by countless things, but yeah, I couldn’t fully cut the cord either..
Not until it was too late, because I was already burned out.
I see now, walking away from group classes was a necessity because of one major thing.
And it wasn’t because I was teaching nights!
In an earlier piece, After 15 years I quit teaching yoga (top 3 things I look forward to) dated July 23, 2018,
I speak about looking forward to having my nights off.
The majority of my group classes had been at night time.
And I just loved the idea of working (writing) until 5 PM and then go to the city for a movie or a date.
But social events or going to the movies, turned out to be far from an ideal way to spend your evenings. You get home too late, or in a mental state you didn’t predict.
And ending your day at 5 PM also means that it needs to be productive.
But I just CAN’T work at my desk for 8 hours a day! I just can’t!
If I ever go work for a boss, regular workdays will be a must, and I will not be able to afford to essentially graze on my work hours, from 6 AM to 11 PM.
I start with sharing social media posts while still in bed.
Then it can go anywhere, from studying coaching programs, to writing a blog post while still in bathing robe. Walking around with a hair mask all day.
And sometimes I shower and am behind my desk at 8, beautifully dressed.
But I like to walk away from my desk. Work a few hours and then go for a bike ride or something.
I really missed the sense of direction, night time classes gave me.
They provided some context, and also gave meaning, to that whole day of being by myself doing whatever I wanted 🙂
So free nights turned out to be far from ideal.
That’s one reason why after this long period of rest, I am now giving last year’s original plan, to revive my business by focusing on teaching privates, a second go.
And I have a solid reason for that:
Because working 1-on-1 is my biggest strength
My relationships are perfect, and I loved all my yoga students and things have always been amazing whenever we’re one on one.
For friends, family, students, coaching clients.
Co-workers.
Now that I realize that, having my own business coaching and teaching private yoga, has become a top priority. Because it would make an absolutely dream business!
Last year I didn’t know WHY I wanted this private teaching biz: now I do!
Because working one on one is the biggest contribution I can make to society, to Life, to everything.
But I am going to do one thing differently, compared to how I used to do business.
Which is that I am never again, going to make a whole song and dance out of my offers or the way I market them.
Because my experience is this:
Either it’s gonna fly.
Or not.
The biggest mistake I made in my yoga business, is that I invested in marketing for four years, trying to make my studio profitable again.
When the first ten successful years, I didn’t do anything, or hardly anything.
I got the students automatically, and I think it’s because I was just assuming that either they’d come, or they wouldn’t. And from the two, the most likely one was that they’d come.
But I lost my faith.
In retrospect I can see when that happened (2012-2013, sad story, separate blog post! 😦 ) But I had lost faith in myself.
And that was not something that could be fixed with four years of marketing.
So this time around, I m gonna coach, teach, and sell books.
And if God wants it, these three things will be a new, and full income.
And if not, I m going to take a job, and still coach, teach, and sell books in evening hours.
Because working weeknights is the absolute best way to spend them.
I know that now 🙂

~Lauren
Follow the marshmallows. *

*) Follow the marshmallows is based on the idea that the most likely way God will show you your path, is by making it look urgent and/or very appealing.
You will feel an urge, a rush of energy, a pull towards it!
Like running to the basement on a Saturday night!
It will actually require effort to not do it, to restrain yourself. 

Don’t restrain, eat the marshmallow.  And more likely than not, the second marshmallow will appear immediately after.

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

About this blog

Is the fourth chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Just leap: The exciting way to follow the marshmallows.

About five years ago, I bought a book The Big Leap, which was recommended to me by an online coach I was following at the time.
And this morning, just as I was pondering, journaling, writing out goals, and scrolling Facebook and Twitter to open my mind – because SPACE is the number one prerequisite for me to get my head around Life  – I found myself again in doubt over the age old question:
To plan or not to plan?
I had just unsubscribed from the third ecourse on planning, in three weeks. It was becoming clear to me that although I like the idea of achieving my goals and dreams, and I also like notebooks and planning tools (in theory!), I had never actually gotten any results in any area of my life, because I had been consciously working towards them using actionable goals.
I’m someone who gets an urge to do something, and then I do it.
Even if it means cleaning out the basement on a Saturday night.
And then the next day I do my new daily planning-of-shame:
“Today I am going to be a good girl and really do what I was set out to do. Instead of letting myself willingly, be lured into dark basements.”
So this morning, with an empty calendar for the upcoming week but looking back on four highly satisfying social appointments in the last 36 hours – three of them last minute invitations – I wondered:
“What do I really want?”
The most important questions are whether I want a structured approach working on my business. And if I want to plan my social life in advance.
To make it worse the two are related:
If I block time for social life, I can no longer afford a slow start on my work days for example for AM cuddling with stay-over cat K. Nor can I play with my notebooks if I know I have to quit working at 5 PM.
And if I map out my business activities each day, I can’t write spontaneous blog posts like this one.
I lost my entire yoga business working up to 55 hours a week (including writing for this account) and I spent them largely on marketing, which is supposed to be what generates money.
I was highly “visible”, as they call it.
I wrote blogs, created programs, made yoga videos.
Yet look what happened there!
All the doing, prevented me from seeing my heart wasn’t in it.
That teaching yoga was just a job, and that the only reason I was holding on to it, was because teaching yoga had bought me time to write.
I happened to like sales and marketing.
But liking sales and marketing, and longing for my yoga business to keep supporting my writing, had clouded my vision and had kept me stuck trying to make it all work.
So naturally, every time I find myself wanting to plan and schedule, how to run my current coaching and writing business, the whole grinding, pushing and hustling, is eerily familiar!
It’s the same attitude that made me drag on my yoga studio, years after it stopped being the carefree, fun, prosperous business it used to be.
As much as I endorse the idea of a 40 hour mapped out workweek, AND doing daily yoga, in order to whip my body and my business into the shape I want it to be:
The painful lessons of my yoga studio should not be ignored.
Daily activities to support your dreams, is not how life works.
True goals and dreams need to be connected to every day, in their purest form.
Not in their translated action steps.
So that they can be felt as either true or “no longer true”.
And as you’re reading them, you will feel what activities, what messages from the Universe, are associated with those goals TODAY.
Not a prefab, or recommended action step somebody else said was best practice. Or an earlier version of you, said was the best solution.
That’s like reheating yesterday’s meal.
Instead feel into your dreams, and look what pops up in your heart as something you want to do. Something as appealing as a marshmallow.
A totally unrelated, unexpected, marshmallow, that will look extremely appealing, and you will immediately feel inspired to eat it/ do that appealing activity.
Connect to your dreams, and let every day bring its own marshmallows
Automated activities, which are supposedly tied to dreams, lack this moment of contemplation on the source. On the reason you re doing it in the first place.
And automated or recommended activities also lack reflection, if they are your personal (God given!) way to do it.
I heard a story recently about entrepreneurs being encouraged to start making sales calls. So for me, as a coach selling one-on-one time, that would mean calling people from my network, and tell them about my new business, and what I can do for them.

Okay.
Now, what exactly is my dream?
My dream is that I want to connect with people.
After having lived largely in my inner-world, being a writer for 13 years and a yoga teacher for 15, I want to have real conversations, and inspire and elevate both myself as well as those around me.
I m convinced these things happen in conjunction.
It’s an energy, a vibration, a place where you don’t think about problems, or to-do lists, or daily activities, baby steps towards your dreams (!!)
but you get into the energy of where you want to go.
Who you want to be.
Where you’re gonna LEAP.
Although I have no idea how the writer of that book The Big Leap interpreted his leap, I do remember one thing:
Him pointing out that hopping, is a very inefficient and even damaging form of moving forward.
Leaping, on the other hand, may seem scarier, but it’s much more efficient. And as I recall, according to the author it’s actually the only way to get somewhere, period.
I agree!
The key element to me is that Leaping is what you should be doing in your mind every day. You should be jumping forward to the future, to your vision and to the person that you are, then.
The reason I seem to be anti-habit and pro going on the fly, is that to me planned daily habits are the equivalent to hopping:
They’re inefficient and even dangerous.
Making sales calls is like hopping:
A waste of resources.
Firstly you re wasting energy by overcoming your own resistance to making sales calls.
The second reason it’s wasted is because sales calls are obviously not your personal aligned way to find new clients, or you d already be doing them!
The WAY you do business, find the man of your dreams, or create the body you want, should always feel just as exciting as the dream itself.
If you tune in to your dreams, and the same action step (Make a sales call!) comes through as an answer from your higher self or the Universe, then sure.
Go ahead!
But don’t be like me, spending 20 hours a week on marketing the wrong business.
I guess it would have been worse, if me saving my yoga business had actually worked. Then I d still have the same business as 15 years ago, but instead of it needing zero hours of marketing in order to make a profit,
it would cost me 20 hours a week of content creation and sales to get the same result.
What I should have done, right from 2014 when I downsized my studio, creating the ideal circumstances for it to pick up and become profitable again:
“Either this thing is going to work. Or it isn’t. I m not going to do anything.”
Same thing now, publishing my books and setting up my coaching business, in order for them to be up and running should I take a job:
It is so very tempting to push my business harder.
Then getting a job is no longer a necessity, and just something I do because it would be fun.
To challenge myself, uplevel my game.
So very tempting to go all in, and spend 20 hours a week on marketing my new business (just like I did with the old), instead of spending it on publishing my books.
But I won’t.
I won’t grab, hold on, push, grind.
Instead of that, I will just go through my list with goals, and feel if they’re still meaningful and alive. And then follow up on whatever urge or hunch comes up.
Including leaping fearlessly if that’s the message I m getting.
It’s better to leap dangerously, after talking to God. Than to take baby steps towards your dreams, unguided.

My current list of goals

Instead of a list of goals, you could also use a vision board, change the background on your phone and so on. As long as your goals are clear.
The most important switch is to step away from using the translated, pre-fab daily actionable steps and instead connect with the dream (goal) in its purest form.
To illustrate here’s my list of goals.

I have my dream body
I m a lot more specific, and it includes reference to someone whose body I like. So I know what kind of body I want. By connecting to that, it can guide my actions throughout the day.

I create yoga schedules
The most fun part about yoga, and the thing which has frequently gotten strangled because I think I actually have to DO yoga, or make money from publishing my yoga books or whatever, the most fun part is creating yoga schedules.
I have decided that this fun and light activity, will be my focus.
If yoga comes from it, then that’s good. If not, also good.

I connect with people and inspire them for example through online coaching.
This is me making all interaction valuable: Whether I go work for a boss, have a friend over, or do coaching: It is always about connection and conversation.

I am a 7-Figure Rock Star Writer
Although I ve moved away from writing diaries, and do most of my thinking in conversation with others and no longer in writing:
Books will still be written.

Besides I have 10 out already, and 4 upcoming, under this name alone.
But ultimately, being a 7-Figure Rock Star is not so much about a business model, as it is part of my identity.

I have a 7-figure household
This stems from cleaning up my basement one weekend: A sudden urge to do so! And I will keep my antennas up, to sense if I feel like for example, cleaning my bathroom, organizing my old photos.
I trust that if I need to clear the energy around something, or uplevel my house in some way, the call to do it will come.

So in short those 5 things are my goals:
-body
-yoga schedules
-connection and conversation
-7 figure writer
-7 figure house hold
They’re the things I m going to feel into every day.
After scribbling them out, I wrote them down in my most beautiful notebook, the one that’s supposed to last the longest and does not contain mundane information.

The red ink I used for coloring, bled through to the next pages, which I now can’t use anymore.
I m taking that as a sign that for a very long time, I won’t have to.

~Lauren
Follow the marshmallows. *

*) Follow the marshmallows is based on the idea that the most likely way God will show you your path, is by making it look urgent and/or very appealing.
You will feel an urge, a rush of energy, a pull towards it!
Like running to the basement on a Saturday night!
It will actually require effort to not do it, to restrain yourself. 

Don’t restrain, eat the marshmallow.  And more likely than not, the second marshmallow will appear immediately after.

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

About this blog

Is the third chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

hand me thy wicked men | The Mistress Speaks episode 7

I’m holding my breath, as the post-election backlash splits these lands in two.
Unsure what I’m waiting for, or which side I’m on.
With the right-wing politician?

Or with the indignant majority? 
Neither? Both? 
Why does it bother me that I don’t know my stance on this?
I don’t mind not fitting in.
If I needed to be a part of a group, I wouldn’t have been a Mistress. We’re solitary beings.
And I am also confident about how I vote: Always the greenest party available.
After largely favoring trees over people, and definitely both of them over Western culture, which supposedly needs saving, voting has become really easy.
And to the chagrin of many, according to the election results, green parties do tend to be more tolerant and generous towards refugees, and I support that.
So no right-wing support from me.
Honest to God, if anyone, whether on social media or real life, has the nerve to down-talk people of color, Islam, or any type of minorities, I will never call them my friend, nor date them.
But here’s the problem:
I don’t think this particular right wing politician would do that on a date.
In fact, I believe, he would be one of the few men, about whom I m almost a 100% sure that he would be a joy to go on a date with.
He wouldn’t bring up his political ideas.
This alone, makes it difficult for me to judge him, based on his political views. Because if there is a shortage of anything, it’s on men who are a joy to go on a date with.
But it goes way further than that.
Next to feeling resistant to discard him based on his political color, this politician has repeatedly and consistently, been accused of having anti-feminist views.
Apparently, I m not just supposed to reject him because of his political ideas. No, I am also supposed to distance myself from him, because I m a woman.
And he is a bad man.
It is this part of the equation, which I strongly, and motherfucking deeply resent.
If I know anything, about anything, it’s that I have excellent taste in men. Impeccable, I have called it. And I still stand by that.
Again, I don’t know him personally, although we had a brief and friendly chat, years ago. He was blocking the path to my chair in the theater, and I had just spoken a mutual acquaintance who had spoken about him.
With me rolling my eyes, I might add.
I did not give this very well respected acquaintance, any, any room to move, when he brought the politician up.
Maybe in hindsight I did feel like the majority of Dutch women. Angry. And I did not want to see what was there.
Until that moment with him blocking the chairs. And we spoke for a few minutes and I vividly remember that at that time I was still angry with him, just for existing, and for hijacking lunch with this other man.
Who I have not seen since, unfortunately.
Maybe he wasn’t pleased with how I handled it.
Anyway, the politician must have won me over himself, because I remember thinking afterwards: “If I had not listened to all the media stories, I would have asked him out.”
I was not a Mistress yet but I was only weeks from becoming one. It was like he was a messenger. A test perhaps?
As if the Universe needed to know if I was ready to have my love life go against the grain. If I was ready to trust in myself.
And if I was agile enough, strong enough, to make a connection. Despite, having disagreed with the mutual acquaintance the day before.
I had literally refused to talk about him.
It was strange timing to meet the politician at that crossroad in my life. By now we know how it ended.
I became the mistress of a married man. Having an unpopular point of view and defending my outcast position became my new normal.
But I rose to the occasion, and as you’re reading this I no longer write about myself as a mistress, because I am the secret lover of a man.
I ve upleveled.
I write about myself as The Mistress, because I ve internalized who I am.
I will always be the woman, who needs to be won over, time and time again.
But also the one who takes pleasure in winning his attention.
And keeping his secrets.
From now on, every lover I have, will have my loyalty until the end.
It’s really strange because over the past few weeks, I ve thought a lot about what it means to end a relationship like the one I have/had with my lover.
Like I said, I no longer share the specifics of my love life anymore.
But I ve thought about him, and about other unavailable men in my life. 
And I realized something: These bonds cannot be broken.
Not by time, distance, marriage. Not by agreeing it’s better to not see each other.
They can’t be sacrificed, in order to make other relationships work. The bond will stay because a Mistress heart is like a trap:
Once you get in, you can’t get out.

Maybe that’s the whole thing.
He got in.

 

~the Mistress

Want to attend The Mistress next channeling session?
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or follow Twitter ; or Facebook

NEW Linkedin

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

God can’t get on your planner, Love.

spontaneous afternoon walk during work hours. In the background a medieval fever tree

I ve been trying to resist the urge to make a plan for the upcoming 5 weeks.
Should I focus on publishing my books like a mad woman? Especially since I ll probably take on a regular job soon, after being an entrepreneur for 20 years.
I don’t want to leave those books unfinished, clogging up my mental bandwidth.
I want them done.
But on the other hand… I do want to stay in touch with my new coaching business. I don’t want to drop that now because I m in over my head on my books. And then keep on dropping it because I m in over my head on a new job.
Speaking of which, exactly how badly do I want a job?
When my coaching business takes off, shouldn’t I consider doing that full-time?
Instead of squeezing it in after work?
Because in that case, I should definitely prioritize messaging and blogging for my coaching business!!
Oh.
Sigh.
It’s hopeless!
But here’s the deal, and this is such great news for everybody not knowing what to prioritize:
It’s not up to you and God can’t get on your calendar.
If I make a rational decision, draw a plan, and stick to it, there is no way I can register warning signs the Universe is giving me. Or more specifically:
I will register them, in the form of resistance, failure, a general sense of sluggishness of things just not being right.
But I will no longer be in the position to navigate around them, or interpret them properly.
Planning your route, in the form of:
Early rising.
Get shit done.
Eating two frogs before breakfast. (if you re familiar with that expression)
Daily this.
Daily that.
Means that you are connecting yourself to the how, to the path.
And this may seem like a good idea, but it comes at the expense of two things.
1. planning the how of your dreams, prevents you from seeing other unexpected ways to get there
Last weekend I made my first coaching sales page, which then resulted in me clearing out my basement, which then resulted in MASSIVE flow publishing my books, which I had been trying to achieve for over half a year, by all kinds of rewarding and disciplinary measures.
What I wanted (to publish my books) ultimately didn’t catch flight until I let it go, and did something completely unplanned.
2. planning the how of your dreams, prevents you from staying connected to the goal it’s supposed to be serving
Last year I had a brief period where I thought I wanted to start running. I bought shoes, made connections, made plans, did some running too.
But nah.
Did not take flight.
Another example is how I toyed with the idea of doing local things. Become a speaker, interview people, that sort of thing.
A Dutch YouTube channel for this account LS Harteveld.
But no response.
Now I m happy those two things (running and becoming a local celebrity) didn’t work out.
But at the time, I was slightly embarrassed!
Because I wanted something, and I was enthusiastic, and then it just died out.
When in reality, it would be way more embarrassing if I had actually succeeded. If I had pushed it through.
The best things in life, are never planned.
The person you meet on the train, the hobby you pick up and spend hours on, without even noticing it.
The conversations with friends that go on for hours, and you lose track of time.
ALL those things, will NOT have a way of getting on your calendar if you’ve blocked it with things you already know, the things you value so deeply, and that you know you’re here for on this earth.
Or so you think.
I think it’s a Buddhist story, about a wise man illustrating to a new disciple a cup already full, and yet the wise man keeps pouring tea:
It overflows.
Illustrating that the wise man can’t put new knowledge into an overflowing mind.
The same way God, or the Universe cannot put new adventures, new life’s purposes on your calendar, if that thing is full.
Nor can he or she offer the right path to your dreams if you keep insisting it has to happen a specific way.
If you keep scanning the horizon for elephants, you could be missing one standing right next to you. Or if a gorilla jumps in your car, takes the wheel and drives off, you’ll be shouting: “Hey! Stop! We’re here to watch the elephants!”
Before I close this post (with the punchline lesson) I ll give you another example. A decade ago I was scanning a dating site. My best friend wondered why I was spending so much time on there. Perhaps there was some mild desperation in my scrolling.
“There could be a next Valentino in there!” I said.
Valentino was a gorgeous young man, about whom I wrote an entire book.
For me, the thought that I could be missing out on my new muse, was enough reason to keep mining through the entire database.
But my friend answered:
“If the next Valentino is in there, I m sure you would have noticed.”
Because that’s the thing:
If something really is important, it will reach you.
Yesterday, I introduced one of my keys to a better life:
Always eat the marshmallow.
Follow your desires, don’t postpone, just do it and feel that rush of energy and satisfaction. That deep fulfillment when you’re doing something your heart desires.
Because I have been guilty of toying with the idea of planning, Facebook keeps showing me these productivity planners. And one of them suggested labeling your daily activities with E energize. D, draining, and N neutralize.
Energy tracking combined with my observation that the best things in life are never planned, made me realize that planning really is a very dangerous way to go about life.
Instead of planning, just follow the “E”s: What energizes you.
Avoid the “D”s: What drains you. Even, and especially, if the D is something you think you have to do, because it’s how your dream is supposed to come to life.
Only follow the E’s, regardless of how far out they appear to be.
And don’t be surprised if God gives you what you want, through a totally unexpected scenic route. Or through the basement.
Or if he or she intervenes, and breaks off your plans to follow up on your dreams by refusing guidance and only bringing skeptics or negative experiences on your path.
Yesterday I wrote: Always eat the marshmallow.
And I referred to the experiment, where children who choose to not eat the marshmallow immediately, get a second one.
And the ones who eat it right away, don’t.
I said to always eat the marshmallow because life doesn’t work that way:
If you patiently wait within your relationship, or your job, you will not get a second marshmallow.
But secondly, and more importantly:
If you eat the first one, you’ll immediately see the next!
God will set out this trail, your path, walking from marshmallow to marshmallow.
From energizing activity, to energizing activity.
You don’t need to plan anything, you don’t need to E/D/N plan nor track your route.
God can’t get on your calendar and he can’t fill an already full cup.
In fact he or she is powerless to help you, if you are paying more attention to your agenda than to Life.
But he can show you the way:
Just follow the marshmallows.

~Lauren
Follow the marshmallows. 

Work with me { my first sales page! } 

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

About this blog

Is the second chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

The fear thing is never going to work. And also: Always eat the marshmallow

Rockstar Marshmallows @Jill Taylor-Moore Pinterest

I guess you could call this my first real workday.
Not in the sense that I’m at an employer’s desk right now.
In fact, for the first time in many weeks, I m behind my desk unshowered, in my bathing robe, drinking coffee and tea I made for my breakfast.
I just didn’t have the patience to “sit it out”!
I felt this neeed to go to my desk and write.
Which is ironic because just yesterday, I retired from being a writer.
At least that’s how I labeled it, because despite how much I wrote, I was never a writer:
I ve been a thinker and an expressionist. And I still am.
Just that for the past 13 years, I ve expressed my ideas primarily through writing, in the seclusion of my study. Now I m stepping out into the world to do the same but in conversation with people, not so much paper.
Through coaching clients, and by working a job on payroll.
I’m in doubt if I should share with you WHY I want a normal job. The thing most entrepreneurs don’t want!
But I’ve decided, yes, I will.
Because next to the number one rule, always eat the damn marshmallow, there is another rule: Always bare your naked soul into the world.
I’m kidding! That’s not a must! But yeah, the marshmallow one is, just take it from me.
So either read on (for more) or eat the marshmallow.
Okay.
The job.
So I ve been an entrepreneur for twenty years, on and off, counting my first business as a freelance writer.
I ve lost my yoga business in 2018, and I am not yet a 7-Figure Rock Star Writer, so it makes total sense to start looking for a job. But just last year, this thought scared me!!
It completely freaked me out.
Now this was for multiple reasons, one of them was that I was still convinced that I needed to write for four hours a day to stay sane. But working within a company also just scared the shit out of me.
All the power play, the small talk and the hidden agendas. Yuck.
But currently I am looking forward to it!
There still is the very important, ultimate goal of wanting to work from home, so that I can work while having a cat running around over my desk. But this goal does not have to be tied to having my own company, running my own business.
I m going to keep my coaching business, and keep publishing and selling my books. Because that’s who I am and that’s what I like to do.
Yet when I say I look forward to getting a job, I mean I m actually EXCITED to start from scratch, so to speak. I see it as a challenge.
No longer: “Boo hoo, I don’t want to work.”
It’s more like: “Bring it on!”
Ha ha ha ha.
Well, I m not that aggressive, but just to get my point across.
Because I am terrible with groups, organizations scare me, politics freak me out.
AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHY I WANT IT.
Just like 13 years ago, when I ended my long term relationship to start developing myself as a single woman. I was so scared of STD’s (even contracting them when using condoms) that I my long-term relationship was largely based on fear of the alternative, of being single.
I didn’t know exactly what type of relationship would fit me, but a relationship was never going to work, if it was rooted in fear of being more entrepreneurial with my love life.
For thirteen years I wrote about my journey from leaving my boyfriend, to one broken heart, eight years of dating, and ultimately four years of being a mistress.
The mistress-format was The One.
I’m not going to tell you if we’re still together, because I ve stopped writing about my love life. I’m no longer a diarist, that ended yesterday.
But being a mistress taught me everything I needed to know about Life, about myself, and on how to make the two fit.
Had I not set out to discover my true sexual identity, I would not have had the confidence now, to embark upon this new journey of going to work in a real job.
The relationship journey, which I started in 2006 when my relationship ended, is fulfilled. I know I m a mistress: someone who commits, chooses for one person. Who supports him in whatever he chooses to do. Even if that would mean breaking up with me.
Someone who needs to admire the man she’s with.
But I also need a lover to keep an emotional distance from me. He has to just be there, like a beacon, or a work of art. Someone I can admire, and fantasize about.
I ve seen female muses depicted like that in movies: A beautiful woman who totally disrupts your life, costs a lot of money and energy, but man, is she good for your creativity!
I have that with a man: I ll gladly step up my game to what it needs to be, in order to function under the extreme insecurity. Live under this tension.
And reap the benefits of the creative flow he’s causing.
After four years of having this relationship, I can honestly say that I don’t see myself functioning in relationships where there is not the challenge of keeping him interested.
I honestly wouldn’t know how to make that work.
But the journey has been completed, mission fulfilled.
I am no longer scared of being single nor of STD’s the way I used to be. As long as I only have sex if I really want to, I m good.
The fear was never about contracting something, it was about contracting an STD, without the sex, the fling, being acknowledged by both him and me, as something that was really good and special.
Now I know this is my own responsibility.
I m the one who needs to want the sex, I am the one who makes the experience special. If he on the other hand, has different women for breakfast, lunch and dinner, it should never influence how I experience it.
I ve learned to say yes to marshmallow sex, without asking him if he thinks it is a really special marshmallow, and if it’s more tasty than all the other marshmallows and so on.
I m just happy to have found such a tasty one!
But I m drifting off.
Like I said: I know all this. That journey has truly ended. I got this!
But the thought of being famous, and attracting stalkers because I’m a 7-Figure Rock Star Writer?
Gave me sleepless nights.
The thought of being trapped working for a company?
Cold sweat!
But now I realize that this means I just HAVE TO do them!
That setting up some kind of new small business, something agreeable, so that I can avoid both being a rock star writer, as well as avoid having a payroll job, is not an option.
Because then the way I make a living, is a choice out of fear.
Just like my long-term partner, in 2006, was and probably still is, an amazing guy. We could have made it work, one way or another. The problem was not him.
The problem was that being single scared the shit out of me, and I hadn’t worked through that. I had made him, or a relationship, a need.
And because of that, he could not be a choice, a want.
So my turning point, to looking forward to a payroll job, was not so much when I started figuring out how to make that work. I have a few ideas on that, for sure! I know key elements that will make the job easy and fun for everybody, I know how to be a delight of an employee.
But no, the turning point for me, in wanting a payroll job, was to realize that NOT having one? NOT succeeding in one? But in particular STAYING SCARED of one?
Was not an option.
That was never going to work.
The threat of a normal job, in case my company went bankrupt or something, would just keep hanging over me.
This had to be done, the same way I had to leave the relationship 13 years ago.
My main reference for these new things in my life, will be of course the journey in becoming a mistress. And everything I ve learned about power play, how the world works, and how you can win in a position that has no formal power.
Without use of violence, or manipulation.
But an amazing experience for both.
I may have been totally new at being single, but after thirteen years I have the best and most flawless relationships imaginable.
So of course, I m going to apply that in all my work from now.
But “Mistress” is a difficult word to communicate.
It triggers, well.. stuff.
And this morning I thought “Always eat the marshmallow” pretty much sums up everything I stand for and it’s less triggering, than using the Mistress term.
Eat the marshmallow comes from a famous experiment (video).
It’s a psychology test where children are told (in a neutral way) that they have a choice between eating the marshmallow, or waiting until the assistant returns. If they haven’t eaten it, they get a second one.
So either postpone your pleasure, and you get two.
Or eat the one you have.
For a long time it was thought the children eating it, were less successful later on in life because they couldn’t control themselves. But in recent years they found that those were the children from poorer families:
Food was not always available, promises could not always be kept, so they took what they had instead of waiting for a future outcome.
It is also very likely this background of having limited resources explained the differences in what they would achieve in life, compared to the group of children who waited for the second marshmallow.
That it wouldn’t have made any difference, if had learned waiting and investing payed off.
But in my opinion, it’s not the children who eat the marshmallow, who risk leading the wrong lives:
It’s the kids who don’t.
They’re the ones spending their whole lives in relationships, businesses, or companies that they don’t like. Patiently waiting for the second marshmallow.
Which may very well never come.
Just take the first one.
Trust me.

~Lauren
Always eat the marshmallow. 

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Is the first chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 2: 
Always eat the marshmallow

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coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

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