By calling it an assimilation, I mean I give the relationship my all. Not directly to him. We don’t melt into each other’s arms with declarations of love. Unless he’s a water sign, in which case boundaries are diluted and we’re probably having sex in the 5th dimension, but more on that later.

Despite assimilation and merging sounding all romantic, I’ve often compared my best relationships to a game, an imaginary field we’re playing. Which may surprise you, because that doesn’t sound like something you can be invested in to the point of giving it your own flesh.
And yet; I do. I have. In the past.

So how does this work?
Why do I say I want to assimilate with a lover, and then say it is all a game?

Well, because in order to play a game, you need to trust each other. Just like any other regular game, you have to trust the other person acknowledges that you are playing a game, and does not come after you after they lost.

My Bad Boy lovers trusted me enough to really challenge me, both in relationship dynamics as well as in sex.
It was so easy to spin what they did as not being enough, as unworthy, as breadcrumbs, or just not okay.
Yet they gave me growth and transformation I would otherwise never have achieved.

And it’s not just for my benefit; I’ve seen men starting out as Bad Boys, turning into what people call good ones;
And I felt their energy drop, like he lost something. Something of value. 

the astrology of bad boys

Since this is technically an astrology series, and also because I don’t want to leave you on such a sad note, let’s throw in my 5 cents of how I think these Bad Boys relate to the zodiac.
Which signs have Bad Boy energy?

the Fire signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius)

Anyone who has ever been within a two mile radius of an astrology book, will probably be able to tell you the fire signs are the charmers, the most outgoing, the sexiest and so on.
So of course, this is where we start.

Fire signs are externally focused, which is the first prerequisite in order to be “Bad”.
You will rarely hear anyone complain about (or be obsessed with) a Bad Hermit, or introvert of some sort.
Fire signs interact fearlessly with the outside world, like they all fell into the cauldron with magic confidence potion as a baby.

If you’re looking for Bad Boy energy and all you have to go by is their birth chart, choose the one with a fiery Ascendent, Moon or Sun sign.
Bonus points if Mars or Venus is in a Fire sign too.

However, when it comes to being willing to play you, and the connection itself, you will find the game is limited.
This stems from resistance to invest in relationships, or aspects of the relationship, that do not have a public or social component.
You have to start carrying social load, if you want to keep your spot.

Fire signs are on the lookout for someone who will appear in public by their side. The only way to enjoy the wonderful things Fire sign Bad Boys have to offer (including “play” in every inappropriate way you may fancy) is to realize it’s game over as soon as someone of more social substance comes along.

If you don’t mind someone leaving the game at the first sign of a serious candidate, or, alternatively, if you don’t mind public performance with your Bad Boy lover (Jim Morrison, a Sagittarius, had many lovers but only one recognized as his girlfriend) then this is the Bad Boy for you.

Just don’t get burned.

earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, capricorn)

The similarity between the Fire signs and the Earth signs, is their faith in themselves. A prerequisite for Bad Boy energy.
They don’t go around taking polls on what they should do, and have to rely fully on themselves.

But contrary to fire signs, Earth Sign Bad Boys are a bit more reserved spending their outgoingness on you. Or their time, their money, or even their charm.
This is definitely not a beginner friendly sign to start your Bad Boy journey, but contrary to Fire signs, they are clear about what they’re looking for and where you fit in.

Earth sign Bad Boys (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) will tell or (more likely) show you exactly how little you will get. And mark my words, you will settle for this. Because you will be fascinated with so much honesty and also because you will expect that once he has fallen in love with you, the lock to his resources will be blown off and he will include you into all of it.

Until, months later, you realize they were telling the truth and nothing is moving forward or backward, or (worst case scenario) things have even stopped moving up and down.

Not for beginners.

water signs (cancer, scorpio, pisces)

Oh baby! Now here’s where shit gets dangerous!
And by dangerous I mean;
Emotional.
Seductive.
And absolutely and totally irresistible.

And I’ll tell you why; Because a Water Sign Bad Boy believes his own game. He drowns you in your emotions (yes) but he also drowns himself in it. There’s two of you, passionately immersed in this, in all likeliness secret, love affair you  two automatically, eagerly and willingly, slipped into.

The “game” aspect, the challenge where you are aware that he is playing you, does get a bit murky here.
Because you two will essentially become one.

Until the day you inevitably beach up on some shore, alone and abandoned.

But worth it, so worth it.

air signs (gemini, libra, aquarius)

The best Bad Boys out there.
Not an inherently-bad bone in their bodies, and although these three signs are in many aspects very different (just like the other signs in each elements are); All air signs are mind-players and this gives them the ability to regulate their own emotions as well as (tadaa!) yours!

So although they will not have the brazen confidence of Fire sign Bad Boys, nor the alluring sturdiness of Earth signs, and will not offer the depth and life changing experience a Water sign can;
This is the Bad Boy of your dreams, okay.

Now this will require work from you too, lover. There is a catch here, because if you are getting close with an Air sign Bad Boy I want you to resist coming to the rescue.
Give him time to get his head around this, learn the script, understand the role and the play, before he finds his form and has time to study what you hoped for;
You.

This Bad Boy can go meta on the fact that you two are playing a game, so boundaries can be discussed. My bet is 50 Shades’ Christian Grey is an Air sign. The contracts he wanted Ana to sign, in particular the ones without legal status, gave him away.

An Air sign, can step out of the game and check if you’re okay.
Your Bad Boy Air sign will need a ton of mental stimulation, and also be prepared to see him seeking (and finding!) that with other people.

What the Air sign Bad Boy does, and what makes him the hardest – and I have no idea if I mean that in a punned way, probably – is that he does not let you project onto him.
You are fighting/ playing yourself.
Your own insecurity, your own pre-conceived ideas, your own fears etcetera.

Now, this is actually the case with all Bad Boys; They force you to step up and play a bigger game. They make you feel things, process things, and work through things, you would have kept under the wraps for decades if they had not forced it out of you.

But with an Air sign, the Bad Boy will know what’s happening, and have words for it.

And as the ones familiar with 50 Shades already know;
He’s great with beginners 😉 

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