The Summer Of Love Playbook

This is a letter to my creativity coach Sara
Before our call I always give her a headsup.

Dear Sara,

I have no idea how to live up to the idea of this title saying “playbook”.
b75330c6f6bf6be1ae0b5296367fb599But since everybody seems to be using that term nowadays, and on things that have absolutely nothing to do with play and are in fact more of the anti-play or dead-serious or boring-as-f book, I reckoned at least I would TRY to make it
inspiring and fun! 
And make a point there is a difference between serious playbooks and taking play seriously!
So Summer Of Love Playbook it is.
The last time we spoke, we had some great breakthroughs. I say “we” but I mean you had breakthrough thoughts, or I had breakthroughs that I would never have had without you.
So hail to you, and I m absolutely thrilled you have been coaching me for all these years.*
One of the breakthroughs that stood out for me, was that I was still not grounded in my own sexuality, which on a practical level translated itself to being dependent on other people around me, and in particular my friend/ lover.
But it’s broader than that, I know it’s a pattern.
There are people to whom sexuality comes so easily, who are fearless of consequence and are just IN it! They are sexual spiritual naturals, completely in the now. 
Which then of course results in complications because their partners want to claim that treasure for themselves!
So it’s not that they don’t have their own challenges in life.
Imagine running around with your pockets full of gold, and people chasing you for your money.
That’s how they get chased. 
Just because it’s sex no one acknowledges there is a great inequality, and they’re claiming something that does not belong to them.
And I know, because I also chased the fortunate ones. Maybe even more deliberate because I knew what to look for and what to secure.
Instead of learning how to generate sexual wealth to fill my own pockets.
It’s not my lover’s task nor the task of the liberated women, to share their wealth with me.
I am planning my own summer of love, and rock my own sexuality.
Not to chase a sexual prince to first rob him and then beg him to stay so I can rob him more in the future!
That is not how this works.
Have I told you we have boutique vaccinations in The Netherlands? 
It means we have all four vaccines rotating, but in very small quantities and you have to do your absolute utmost best to get your hands on one, and that is AFTER your year of birth has been opened up for application!
And then you just have to settle for whatever vaccine they gave to your year
And if you book online you first go through a painstaking process that requires the installment of a minimum of one VERY privacy sensitive app on your phone, which I never intend to use ever.
It feels I m carrying my panties in a public place. On my head.
And then you get four options on three locations at a minimum of an hour door to door public transportation of your house.
Don’t book online!
The only people who get to choose and will probably get that vaccine door delivered by a popular boy band are the ones who do not get vaccinated now, and just wait until “the price” goes up.
Only losers get vaccinated now, Sara.
In 6 months you can get any flavor drop-in vaccinations at the mall.
Like it should.
Oh and I m one of the suckers who of course scheduled her vaccinations regardless of the fact I know I m paying full price, and all the perks go to those who stand their ground but okay.
I want my summer of love! 
So half July I m fully vaccinated, and although the test and trace regime is still identical for those vaxed and those not;
And therefor the social pressure and the fact that every social interaction can cost you 5 days of quarantine and two Covid test, also still persists;
And despite the fact that infections are on the rise in Britain, when that country is well under way to becoming fully vaxed.
Despite all those things I m calling it a day half July, Sara.
My summer of love begins, hell or high water.
And together with some major decisions, inspirations and insights for my creative work, this has put a smile on my face no one can take from me!
Already giving you the disclaimer that I m probably forgetting half of the things that make my heart sing, or that will eventually be the reason this whole thing succeeds, let’s get this thing on the road!

Stopped with everything that was a great idea in theory

The first point is one for the work under my real name, not for this alterego Lauren Harteveld where I don’t do anything I don’t want. Everything I write here, I can’t NOT.
Like today, I was also looking forward to do a financial project – more on that later.

But I just couldn’t!
This letter to you just wanted to be written and the words and sentences kept going on in my head.
But for the work under my real name things have been a bit rocky because I lacked, and still lack really, clarity.
There are so many topics I know I could write THE book about, a game changer. 
In particular in the field of non-monogamous relationships, just try to shut me up about it!
I even came up with a title for a book I could write in a weekend flat, if I wanted to. 
It would be called:
Reclaim your sexual integrity by quitting monogamy today!
Probably to be improved by adding:
The playbook to, reclaim your sexual integrity by quitting monogamy today!
And of course there is truth in that. There IS a story to tell.
But it is a story of privilege!
A story of “if all things in your life went super-well and then you skip getting kids and go all-in your sexuality and rock that shit!”.
Sure, then why in the flying fuck would you choose monogamy?
But in essence, monogamy is a solution for existing problems, dressed up as a moral choice.
And not seldom, monogamy is one of the few ways the more vulnerable partner is protected. Monogamy is often the only thing that shields relationships from being handed down to brutal capitalism where the winner takes all. 
Monogamy takes the edges off all kinds of injustices. And it does so discretely.
Monogamy, is the great equalizer.
It is where the cards that have been in possession of the same people ever since high school, are suddenly worthless and the rules of the game have changed.
Until we all have the same chances of getting the great cards sexually, emotionally, and economically, I do not want to be the one advocating promiscuity!
I see monogamy, as a consequence of inequality and scarcity.
But when we are all free to get up in the morning, and do whatever the fuck we want and still thrive socially and economically? 
I ll be happy to write the book.
This all to illustrate there are topics I would be able to CONTRIBUTE! 
And so so much, on the fields of sex for singles, and “open relationships”. I would design really cool relationships, nothing like you ve ever seen!
But there is a reason things are as they are.
Just like I think doing yoga exercises doesn’t help your body, because it’s an outside tool and your body started moving and being because you were inhabiting it that way from the inside out –
the same way I think self-improvement doesn’t work.
Things are as they are and they are so with reason.
Stop fucking messing with them. 
Another aspect of this topic of quitting with things that were only a good idea in theory, is to stop doing things that I would like to be able to do, but that I seem to have no talent for.
They ve drained me of time, energy, and notebooks because I took countless new ones hoping better stationary would do the trick, 
Those projects too will be eliminated.
The only work that will remain under my real name is: 
– topics that excite me which do not open a can of social economic worms
– methods I excel at, or that I can hack or compensate by throwing myself in headfirst
These methods brings me to the second major decision.

I can only do one (1!) thing a day which means many days will suck balls because I can’t blog

A blog post takes me three hours but it is usually closer to five.
Six is no exception and seven or eight also happen…

Sometimes it is less than 3 hours, but I never know when that is, so there is no real way of taking advantage of that. 
However, I have thought to tackle this by the doing a little each day.
The most notable ones were, and I m not going to say “the best ideas were” because they were terrible ideas:
1 30 minutes of book publishing each day
2 30 minutes daily of sorting out correspondence and tax statuses regarding my former business

And something I had high hopes for until I started writing this email and the hours are just pouring itself in here. So now I know this is out of the question as well:
idea 3: blogging each morning and then do tasks 1 or 2 for a few hours later that day

Not going to work Sara. None of it. 
Even in these final months of chosen Covid confinement, I spend hours every day going out, exercising, doing yoga, making smaller social media updates.
There are no two times X hours in a day.

There is ONE X hours in a day, where X is however long the task will take.
And the rest magically disappears into the abyss.

A few weeks ago I worked for days archiving and displaying all my notebooks, agendas and diaries (the last ones stayed in my filing cabinet).
It were the most satisfactory days ever! It felt like a holiday, and I came out entirely rejuvenated.

That is the way I want to sort out my finance, including that correspondence I mentioned.
ONE day!

I want to do the final edit of my first new book, which I ve got here in test copy, but I want to review and reupload and order a new test copy.
ONE day!

Second book, same story; ONE day! 

Any project I do: One day Sara.
Or two days maximum, a weekend.

But out with the 30 minutes this, 30 minutes that, and doubling down on multiple hour tasks a day.
They have driven me mad!


Lauren Harteveld doesn’t talk

Ever since I stopped being a yoga teacher and work as a writer under both my names, things have gotten more complicated in the blog, book and ideas department. 
Under which name should something be published?
So I ve come back to a decision I made a while ago, but this time it’s starting to get ingrained:

If I m willing to speak publicly about it, it goes under my real name.

But if I want to write it yet don’t want to talk about it, like all that high-handed monogamy stuff but also all my diary entries in particular the ones with sex, like yesterday’s blogpost here on the blog by Lauren 1996;
then it stays here.

Lauren Harteveld is the candid one.
The daring one.
But she writes and then she leaves. For 1996 😉 
It’s writing only.

And then, finally, my summer of love.
Were you worried, that I forgot?


My Real Name moves to 1996 as well

Alterego Lauren Harteveld has lived there since 2019:
1994 it was at the time.

But now it’s time for my real name to move back in time as well.
I keep finding there is a mismatch, a feeling of finding 2021 not the right atmosphere for what I have to offer. Being in the moment, a writer of the times, means you have no idea what will last and what will not.
You miss so much context. There is no context!
A storyteller has a pretty shitty narrative if you re actually still living IN the times.
So Lauren Harteveld moved back to 1994 (in 2019, it’s 1996 now).
And I ve now rechosen that.
I ve committed to come at “it”, life, topics, SUMMER!, choosing 1996 as my home.
So Lauren, the 23 year old graduate, who is figuring out her relationship with Bear, and her place in this world publishing her books, and her work for the Bon Jovi fanclub;
She will get to expand her work, her world, and her voice to everything I have to offer her under my real name.
– types on her computer as often as she can.
– plays cd’s on her cd player next to it.
– writes her diary for this site
– writes her pieces on Bon Jovi and art on her other site

– and she writes her friends Sara and the bootleg trader Nikki, here on this
And now, everybody gets three guesses, what Lauren 1996 is going to do this summer?
If it wasn’t for the fact that she/ we are living in 1996 I would have ended with:
* insert vegetable emojis *

An unexamined life is not worth living

* Want to work with Sara too? Subscribe for updates on Sara’s upcoming Academy here,
or contact her through her Facebook page for a one-on-one coaching request.


My diaries are available at LULU 
New books will be added.

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready,
is to subscribe to this blog.
Button on this page, probably on the top right.

Or follow my Facebook page
/ Twitter: @LSHarteveld

Nederlands blog: