Lauren still hopes she’ll wake up one day with nothing to write, and copious amounts of time to publish her new books, kick her ass into shape, and get laid.
But it is not today.

I honestly thought that if you don’t have a life – or at least not beyond envying other people who do have lives – that at one point the stream of thoughts that need to be written down before anything else is even allowed to enter the head space, would stop.
It’s a fair assumption.
Once you stop the input, logically speaking, there shouldn’t be any output. 

Because what on earth could I possibly be writing about?
The sixth time I went to see Bohemian Rhapsody? 
I already did that last night. It was in Dutch.
That I feel uncertain in my relationship with my lover Mr.Big?
Did that twice.
Once in my post as The Mistress Speaks on Tuesday, where I describe having a lover as a luxury.
And I poured my heart out about inadvertently harming our relationship in yesterday’s diary entry.
Writing to me is the final stage of a thought process. I m not a writer, I am a thinker. Which explains why I always feel so relieved once it’s out there.
Then I can let the thoughts go.
Sometimes new thoughts arise, on the same movie, topic, or about my relationship with Mr.Big. But when I write, I empty out.
And am convinced I covered all.
And indeed, I don’t have anything more to say today, about Bo-Rap, or my complicated mistress status.
And yet when I started my day, which was supposed to be all about doing yoga, getting fresh air, and building my Dutch web shop – not about writing – I couldn’t make myself do any of those things.
I knew I had to write, organize my thoughts, and sharpen my vision for the future.
I could already see the shapes of it, and knew this was going to be one of those posts, I would want to print out and live by, for the upcoming months.

Write every day

This really should be a no-brainer by now. Writing is my internal compass, without it I get lost and the feeling of “Where am I?” just keeps building up.
Until finally it finds it sweet release.
I will write on this blog, in my diary and for The Mistress speaks.
As Lauren Harteveld I will also write for my Dutch site, about films and books.
And under my real name, I will write comics about a little duck.
So you won’t necessarily see me here every day.

young and healthy body

I keep getting the number “15”; the body I had when I was 15.
Maybe it’s the virgin-esque ring to it, I don’t know. But I do know that I enjoyed my body so much when I was young. At my parent’s house they had a mirror in which you could see your whole body, while you were taking a shower.
I loved doing that.

My physical exercise consisted of cycling every day, except for the winter months.
I weighed only 55 kilos, or less. This is the reason I don’t understand why this number keeps popping up. I think 55 is too low to carry much muscle.
But from this day forward, right after writing, I will go out every day and cycle, and/or do yoga for a minimum of one hour.
I want to have that body back where you’re looking in the mirror:
“Oh… that is nice!”

Build a Business versus publish books 

For the past couple of months I ve actually been pushing back business building activities (selling books and growing following), because I thought it was more important to get those new books out first.
But the truth is, that the practice of working your business is just like exercising, daylight, and writing;

You feel totally disconnected, if you don’t do it regularly.
Whereas creating my new books is more suitable for bigger time slots, and it doesn’t respond very well to being done half an hour at a time.
Both business activities and book creation can be done in evening hours – they require little band-with.

So before I ruin the entire set-up by giving you my number one priority, which has the potential of causing lasting chaos, let me scribble down the schedule, that will be mine from this day forward, until the day I die

Work & Life Schedule Lauren Harteveld 
start date: Thursday December 6, 2019
end date: till death do me part

AM first thing: WRITE
And publish/ post to a blog (providing I have wifi and a computer)

2 PM latest
walking, cycle and/or do yoga

business building activities and admin

create new books

The ONE thing, that is allowed to throw everything upside down, is:
I feel I m barely living.
As if I have a deficit in every human interaction imaginable. From not seeing family often enough, to having way too little sex.
And the sex thing is a difficult one, because I made a rule that I will never again, in my life, have sex without being in love.

I m just not going to do it.
I did that for eight years, dating and rebuilding my sex life, and sex when you’re not in head over heels in love, is haaarrrrrd.

All the dates where you basically have to ignore all the things you don’t like, in order to get laid. It’s just not worth the hassle.
Especially not since I now have four years of sex with Mr.Big in my pocket. So I m spoiled rotten. I know at least of one man who knows exactly what I like, and is fully capable of giving it to me.
But only ever so often.

To compensate I will invest way more in dating in a friend-like manner. I already have male friends, but I will start dating more. Going out more.
If I meet someone I also want to start an affair with, that’s cool.

But I don’t really expect that.
I fell in love this year with someone else. So I know it’s possible, but also like I already had my chance. That I will not get another chance like that. But I m just going for more dating, more friends, more fun.

So that’s it!
My New Life Plan, which unfortunately doesn’t have a name.
And in twenty minutes it’s 2 o’clock and according to this blog post I have to leave for daylight, cycling and/or yoga.

So I ll let you know how it goes, my new life plan without a name.

I m going for the body of my 15 year old self;
A successful writing business;
And the sex life of Mata Hari.

An unexamined life is not worth living

More is the forty-first chapter from Project M. 

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