Even though I call myself a diarist, and a sex writer, it is especially in describing sex with Mr.Big that I feel ineloquent. Incapable of sharing the meaning these moments have for me.
I am aware the reason I feel this good is partially because I always make sure I m in the right mood, and have a positive mindset when we meet.
But the reason our entire affair is so lovely, is also thanks to him, as well.
How he, specifically with me, behaves.
They say in war neutrality is not an accomplishment. It is a favor. The other countries must allow for it. Naturally, the country which aspires to be neutral cannot be aggressive, and has to be diplomatic.
But if your location is on a strategic position within the battle field, or the resources of your country are vital for the course of the war, then you will be sucked into it.
No favors for you.
It is only when other countries benefit from you being neutral, that you will get that position.
As soon as Mr.Big realized I would never bring any negativity into our relationship – only support, love, and admiration – I got only his best side too.
There was an article today, on top ten things that blew up your relationship.
Whining was a big one, and sitting in sweat pants on the couch.
And in one of those ten things, I can’t remember which one but that’s because it could have been any of them, it stressed something like:
“Or he’ll be very susceptible to that bimbo who will want to admire his penis three times a day.”
I almost got heart eyes on the spot, at the thought that I would be allowed to admire his penis three times a day! Clearly I was that bimbo, who was eager to give your man what you were withholding.
I resisted the urge to leave a provocative comment, that these bimbos indeed existed and were happy to take him, if you weren’t taking proper care of him.
You really can’t prevent a man from cheating by behaving in a different way. So from that perspective you can behave as poorly as you want.
The result will be the same.
Either he isn’t a cheater, and then he won’t.
Or he is and then he will.
And some of the latter are the ones with mistresses, which are long-term arrangements with the same woman.
But these could still be simple sexual arrangements. Something with a low-cost emotional investment.
I m not interested in those.
I mean, he can feel as little or as much as he wants for me. But I want to be swept of my feet, and be head over heels in love. I m not interested in having my sex life taken care of in a carefree manner, by sleeping with a married man.
Taking care of my sex life is not a priority for me.
Being in love is.
So narrowing it down to the men who have mistresses, you can go even further, to the men who love, or have, two women.
A wife, as well as a mistress who in this case is not a low key arrangement.
He may not have realized this at the beginning, and he certainly will not have set out for it, but the truth is that he not only loves them both;
The two women also represent two totally different sides of himself.
The husband en the rebel.
He can’t choose without denying half of his personality.
Just like there is a huge difference between a mistress by default – which is a woman who is temporarily a mistress, but is ultimately only interested in having him for herself.
And the real mistress; Who understands this peculiar relationship form is actually in her benefit. That it hits on her kinks for secrecy, feeling special, and only having quality time.
The same goes for the cheater.
There are those for whom a mistress will be a temporary situation, until he makes up his mind choosing either for his wife or for the mistress, who will be his new wife.
And there are men who will never be fulfilled with one woman.
They can make themselves choose, but it will start all over again.
Anyway: I see I made a mistake.
I said you couldn’t prevent a man from having a mistress, by behaving like his ideal wife. And by refraining from the ten super stupid things you can do to blow up your relationship.
You can prevent it, but only if it’s a man who wants to replace you.
You can’t if he’s a real cheater, in any way shape or form.
It’s as simple as that.
But I opened by saying that part of the reason sex with him feels so good, is because I have the right mindset. And I don’t do those ten stupid things that blow up your relationship.
The moment I can feel myself getting accusatory, I immediately correct myself. Because this is not who I want to be. I want to view everything he does with the curiosity and adoration, the same way I would like to admire his penis three times a day.
And it’s that attitude that not only makes me a great mistress for myself – because I don’t come even near that dark self-righteous corner of the mind when we’re together – but it also makes me a great mistress for him.
He really could be that country at war with everybody else, but that I’m his peaceful paradise.
Everything is perfect here. Everything admired. Everything loved.
And in giving that to him, I m also giving that to myself.
No wonder the moments and the sex we share, are so magical.
And that I can’t find words.