This is a letter to my creativity coach Sara
Before our call I always give her a headsup.
“Owls are wise. They can predict the past.”
Two Women, by Harry Mulisch
Or my year of first graders had fallen into a historic loophole in the education system. A glitch, where for a few years the national program for history started with the Romans and not the Greeks.
But I never got them, and learned them self-taught, when I was in my late teens.
The story I think of most frequently in daily life, is the one from Orpheus and Eurydice.
The Eurydice in the book leaves her female Orpheus suddenly, but in hindsight she has done so to get pregnant by Orpheus’ ex-husband.
She returns pregnant, on “Orpheus” doorstep. But it does not end well because Orpheus makes Eurydice go back to her ex-husband to explain and make things right.
And in particular without sending her back. To the underworld!
Be a grateful receiver of what comes back to you, and do not interfere with other people’s life choices. Even when that other people is your partner.
But like I said, that was not the hook this piece was about.
And when I actively search for him. Or them.
It is good to point out this has happened in the past with multiple men. A sudden urge, desire, curiosity, to Google them or check their social media. And almost always with staggering, disturbing, and at the same time important results.
My most mixed-emotions moment was when I found out someone’s real wife had the same name as I was about to choose for his fictional wife.
And this was someone I had not spoken to in years, the last time we spoke he had not even met her.
And that BOTH are connected! Either I went looking in the underworld, because I felt my energetic tie was glitching like Dutch historic school programs in the mid 80s.
Or I could no longer hold my curiosity, and wanted to know if since I was thinking so much about him:
Was there a sign it was mutual, and that things had been shifting?
I felt my Eurydice so strongly, his presence. I didn’t connect it to my happiness, I was too egotistical for that. Or had learned not to get burned and to never focus on the presence of a man for my happiness. Not energetically, and not physically.
But last week, if you would have asked me:
“Do you still think of Eurydice?” I would have given you an ear to ear smile!
Was it an energy shift in the negative, after being days on a high, and did I want to look if “he” was still there?
Even though it is questionable how I would be able to see anything, if it was indeed something energetic that I had felt.
The perfect night to, after an entire week on an absolute high, to just help chance a tiny bit and give God and the Universe a chance to tell me what I had already known and felt.
That my Eurydice was there.
A response to feeling I lost his presence, or a desire to get a confirmation in the real world that reflected what I had been feeling all that time.
But I do know what happened after.
She understands that, just as it was love that compelled him to journey into the Underworld to get her, it is love that compelled him to look back and make sure she was there.
It is a very bittersweet, tragic moment.”
The atom is where you think it is. Until you look.
An unexamined life is not worth living
My diaries are available at LULU
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