This is a letter to my creativity coach Sara
Before our call I always give her a headsup..
Or to leave yoga behind, once and for all.
But by now I believed I was destined to do yoga. 99% certain was really 99%
Although there had been times I cursed myself and the world, for having wasted 20 frickin years in a professional environment that had little to do with the yoga that I had FELT, in the three years before I got officially trained.
And it had nothing to do with my personality, with my values, with who I was or even with what my core talents were.
It had in fact conflicted heavily with them.
That it was no longer a question if I would commit to rock star yoga;
Just a question of when.
And the vision of the life and the work ahead of me, was rapidly taking shape.
I had been in a hurry to start the channel, before even the last of my doubt and resistance and the final lap of my existential crisis had vanished and only the New Reinvented Me remained.
And although I did not believe my yoga, or me as a rock star yoga teacher, were in any way boring;
The journey would have ended.
The exciting part of becoming a rock star yoga teacher would be behind me.
Maybe I could then squeeze out some videos before I made my finite choice to reinvent yoga and totally rock being a rock star yoga teacher.
That was the energy I could feel, on the other side of reinventing yoga.
I had a handful of A4s in my backpack, that provided an outline of the rock star yoga practice, but also the business model and my own values it was based on.
But suddenly it ALL felt wrong.
I don’t have to make a list to know that for all six years that I know him, the reasons to not have sex with him, would have been endless.
Because I wanna.
I had no bad experiences, but I would have traded all, largely respectable, single, honest, goodhearted men, for one night with my last or maybe even current lover.
That is me!
And then for the next 20 years be the yoga teacher who redeemed herself and her craft and found herself or fucking something.
Or of ever having to speak the Y word ever again.
It all felt so constricted and awful.
An artist has full creative freedom, and to be a good artist you must always go into the unknown.
Like Marina Abramovic once learned from one of her art teachers:
If you can draw with the right hand, immediately shift to the left.
Just the right hand left hand argument, and the general distinction between being a yoga teacher which is a service provider (or a high-level, world famous version of that) or being an artist, are enough of an explanation.
Enough reason to know I m never going back.
But there was something else, which was on that list the day I cycled to the location to shoot my Yoga Commitment video. Something else that was ultimately the reason I knew I had nothing more to say.
Not about yoga.
Sex and purpose.
Rock Star Yoga was going to be developed with full understanding that when it came to increasing your energy, those two were king.
And suddenly I realized that someone who has Sex and Purpose on number one and two, of her list of Things That Matter, was only a true to her word rock star yoga teacher if her Purpose, was indeed to be a rock star yoga teacher.
That she would value sex more than her purpose, was acceptable.
But after that she was to immediately run to her yoga mat, fully inspired!
Left “unsupervised”, I run to my desk to write.
Writing is not practical, it’s time consuming, it makes little to no money unless you do it to promote something else (fe yoga) or write on assignment.
I could easily fill five A4’s with reasons why writing is a terrible idea.
And there is no logical reason to write.
With 99% certainty? And the list and the proper plan to prove it?
An unexamined life is not worth living
Wanna join me?
I m going to do yoga, starting from scratch because I m yoga free by now,
But I ll be using my own book
White Tigress Yoga Workbook
by LS Harteveld (me)
For anyone who had a decent chance of staying healthy
but screwed it up and now needs something that works. Fast.
I like the no-fuss, kick your ass into gear energy of it!
PS: Here’s the page with all my other books as well!
(Dutch/Nederlands AND English)
My diaries are available at LULU
New books will be added.
The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready,
is to subscribe to this blog.
Button on this page, probably on the top right.
Or follow my Facebook page
/ Twitter: @LSHarteveld