Before you get any boudoir like ideas about how erotic my current space actually looks, or how I look, I will tell you I am typing this from my desk which also contains five to ten notebooks, journals and diaries all of them in use, a teddy bear, also in use, a water bottle, a stack of laminated vision board cards (not as frequently consulted as I want to), hand-cream, three pencil cases, an inspirational photo of my 40th birthday and I remember being slightly disappointed because I did not think I had my ideal body, where I can see now a woman in killer shape.
And I m wearing a towel covering a coconut hair mask.
Right now; Not on my fortieth birthday where I had gorgeous blonde mane, which contained no grey hair not even underneath the dye.

I am writing you from a space where only the memory of size 8 times past, and the future vision of card decks to come are alive. You would be hard pressed to find anything erotic.
Yet as soon as I heard of the word or concept “erotic space”, I knew it was a key element in defining my art, my writing, my sexuality.
But also my yoga, the way I talk, how I teach or coach or perhaps the reason why I don’t teach or coach.
Erotic space, and the necessity of it in my life, can explain for all of my likes (erotic space present) and dislikes (erotic space absent).

And here behind my desk on a Tuesday in November, writing the final chapter for The Book Club, the erotic space is present.
It is in the freedom to put words to this day.
To mark it as special.
To have a plan for it, which is here right before me, and to then abandon it.
Instead of doing research for two areas of my art where I from now on want to get my fingers in on a daily basis, I am writing.

The erotic space, why it is so rare, why people forget to pay attention to it, or fail to put it high on their list of wants or – like I now know – their list of needs, is first and foremost;
Space.

Space in itself is already highly erotic, although in theory it can be taken up very rapidly by things not erotic at all.
But more on that later.

So space, is the basis of erotic space.

Having a date to have sex is not erotic space.
Having a date to be together and talk over the day, connect, see how the other is, is not erotic space.
Knowing you will buy a toy and unpack it together is not erotic space.
Writing a chapter knowing what the different elements will be is not erotic space.
Dedicating time to doing daily research of two areas of your art is not erotic space.

A long time ago I knew the ending for a book. I knew the theme, I knew the plot. It is the only book or topic I never did anything for.
Because there was no space, so there was no erotic space either.

Everything that is dedicated (to anything other than “let’s just see what happens”); Everything that is planned, plotted, and intended does not have space, and is therefor not erotic space.

I will start inserting the disclaimer that this is a personal experience;
To me, those things are cramped, confided, forced, dead, or fake.
And therefor I can’t do it.

Or I could, but I would never get the same “out of it” as others seem to get (I presume), and I have a low tolerance towards those activities.
It would come with a high cost of energy and will-power and probably a lot of recovery time, mental processing time and so on.
For me, the benefits of doing those things rarely outweigh their cost.

I will give you an example.
A wedding is planned out, and the outcome is fixed. There is no room for anybody to not have a good day, to not be at their best, and so on.
There is no erotic space in a wedding.
A regular party is also still reasonably fixed, although far less than a wedding. Therefor there could be erotic space at a regular party.
I presume erotic parties would have a lot of space to fill in the way you like, so they have erotic space.
But quite unexpectedly, and certainly a lot cheaper, I would say the most erotic space can be found with parties or get togethers which are not planned, or planned at very short notice.
There are no expectations, and anything rolls, giving spontaneous parties or gatherings the most erotic space of all.

You can extend this analogy to relationships, but also to your work, or to making art. You can extend it to how you raise your children, to how you meet your friends, but also to how you relate to your family.
In all of those areas, the more outcomes that are fixed?
The more mental-states, feelings, impulses, ideas, and stories are beforehand excluded.
The more it is dead.

Erotic space is therefor first and foremost an awareness, appreciation, and a deliberate creation of space.
A choice for the unknown, for infinite possibilities, for mysticism, for the untold.
I have called it the world between worlds.

It is from here that everything, and I would say “by nature of its sheer right of being there”, is erotic.
There are no longer boundaries, to anything.
There is only the being in this space, where automatically creation begins.

Creation of feelings.
Creation of experiences.
Creation of visions.
Creation of what we could call the “fine arts”, except they re not the fine arts, because that would be defining and binding it.

Sometimes you can bring something from this space, outside of it.
A painting, a book, a memory.
But way more often, the moment you have left the bubble of where it was created, the very thing you thought of bringing with you, dies.

Just like the love between two people can be very alive in their first months together when they have ignored their agendas, their earthly duties, and live inside this bubble;
But when they bring it outside and come out as a couple it dies.
The only way to bring it back, is to create the bubble:
And not by repeating the things you did, when you were in the bubble.

Doing the things people do, or which you did, when you were in the bubble, does not create the bubble, the space, the erotic space.

Writing daily does not bring you where the Called Ones are writing automatically every day because they can’t not.

Having sex every day does not bring you where the lovers go automatically and spend every waking minute exploring each others bodies and mind, laughing, making up games, creating their own vocabulary and nourish their own fresh memories from how they met.

Planning a party every week does not bring you where people just naturally flock together and someone gets a six-pack of beer, and another suggests pizzas, and a meetup at 4 P.M. turns into a bonfire and singing Irish songs together.

But creating space can bring you there.

Whether the space is then occupied with people needing to share their thoughts, the heavy energy of grief, discontent, despair.
Of lover’s quarreling over who’s fault it is the relationship doesn’t work.

Or whether that space is filled with eroticism, creation, lights, laughter, or all those things we all want it to be?

That is beyond our control, because you cannot stop the first, the what-you-don’t-wants, to whip and kick the latter into existence into your bubble.
You can’t will the eroticism into your space.

So all you have to do, but also all you can do, to be as often as possible in the erotic space;
Is to create as much space as possible.
In your work, your agenda, your friendships, and in the relationship with your lover.
Leave AS MUCH as you can open, by deleting everything that has a contracted, limiting, or even dead energy around it.
Let go.
And go.
And go.

And then just see what happens.