Out ta get me | “1994”: fanfic inspired story episode 4

For all of you who’d rather have this diary entry in pictures, I created this  visual representation of what I m about to tell you.
Here it is:
For those of you who prefer swearing:
“How the FLYING FUCK did I let this happen?!”
And for all those willing to endure reading how I managed to “lose” both my lover Bear (nothing is certain), as well as miss out on the most promising lead I had in years – a Slash-like house painter who was basically just tossed into my lap by God – I have to warn you:
There are no easy answers, let alone satisfying ones.
I haven’t got a clue, how I managed to make this happen.
Or better yet, not make it happen, but I ll try to explain it as good as I can.
First off, Bear.
My dearest, sweetest, lover for the past four years and nine months, and the man about whom I still don’t know what he wants out of life. What kind of future does he want for himself? What does he want from me?
I honestly could not be more clueless.
To me our sex life, his entire presence, and all the wonderful hours we’ve spent together have been more than I ever hoped I would get out of being with a man.
Initially though, I thought he was entirely normal. Maybe it was this beginners luck that saved me?
In 1989 I more or less “recruited” Bear as my lover, since acquiring a sex life as a single had proven to be impossible for me. At that moment I simply put one foot in front of the other, and was very pragmatic. The sex was good, even though Bear was the first man I had real sex with, and it was so good we continued having it even after the first time.
It wasn’t until the few females in my life shared what they had to, dare I say, “put up with” that I realized how lucky I was.
That any other man would probably have failed the test, and might even have failed to fuck me or make me come. Which is saying something, because my body is beginner-friendly.
But my faith in the average level of men’s love making skills was gone and I started cherishing Bear, even more than I already did. As long as he still wanted me, and wasn’t (yet?) in a relationship he wanted to remain faithful in, I would enjoy him.
However, I did notice that our dates were becoming less frequent
And this summer when we were both transferring from being college grads to working lives, I wondered if it was still enough.
If being in such a dry office environment wouldn’t require a little, or a lot, more juiciness between the sheets. I wouldn’t say that I opted for a weekly gang bang, but having sex only once every 2, 3 months would no longer be cutting it.
So when I opened the front door two weeks ago, and discovered a Slash-like painter who wanted to paint my balcony, I thanked the Lord for his swift moves. It was before my first workday, just in time!
The painter and me didn’t kiss, nor did we openly flirt really. But there was definitely a lot of chemistry between us. When he mentioned he went to Warhol’s every Saturday, I understood the hint.
But guess what?
The first Saturday – he wasn’t there. I felt like an absolute idiot.
But this was nothing compared to what I felt the second Saturday!
Because this time he was there, but he let the bar lady hijack our conversation deliberately. It was clear that some kind of loyalty issue was at stake here and I lost.
I lost, plain and simple.
Whatever she had to offer him, I didn’t. Maybe it were just quiet nights at Warhol’s that he didn’t want to sacrifice. Or perhaps they did sleep together occasionally, or planned on doing so.
It is hard to believe we had something, for those few hours.
When he came in for the last batch of his painting materials I noticed his tobacco pouch was still on my desk. I quickly picked it up, and because his hands were full I slipped it into his pocket. For a moment I felt the warmth of his thigh, through the boiler suit.
We smiled, both slightly uncomfortable. As if we had both felt it. At that moment I just interpreted it as nerves, or healthy tension.
But seeing how miserable things turned out, maybe I did overstep his boundaries and missed something important.
On a different note:
The neighbor just had a tantrum. He lives alone, so I m afraid it was directed at his cat. Heard something similar when he moved in, and then he literally yelled at the cat for being stupid. I hoped he was just a handyman, and not the new neighbor and owner of the cat.
But I must have suspected even back then, there was more to it. Because on my way to the city my heart started aching so badly, I cancelled my plans and dropped by at my mother’s because I was feeling totally miserable.
The heart problems have intensified last few weeks, now that I m working.
With the neighbor having his second tantrum, and working life stressful, I ve decided to go see a doctor for this.
My heart really does feel broken.

An unexamined life is not worth living

Subscribe to this blog (subscription button somewhere on this page – most likely on the right) for the next episode of 1994.
The idea of this retro series is that they are erotic stories, but this was just a story – not erotica 😉 
You can read episode 1, 2 and 3 here:
A letter from a stranger | “1994” fanfic inspired erotica episode 1 
Mutuals | “1994”: fanfic inspired erotica episode 2 
Think about you | “1994”: fanfic inspired story episode 3

For the real current-day me: 
subscribe to YouTube for My Life in Bon Jovi songs.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin


Subscribe to 7-Figure Rock Star Writer

The subscription button to this blog is on this page,
probably on the right.
Out ta get me | “1994”: fanfic inspired story episode 4
is the tenth chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 5: “1994”: fanfic inspired erotica

My diaries en erotica are available at 

25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

Nederlandse boeken kun je ook direct bij mij bestellen

coming soon: new books

1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s