What the right order of things was.
Where I went wrong, and where I went right.
As the Bon Jovi concert was definitely the most profound experience I ever had. It will go down as my best time sex, ever.
The best sermon I ever heard.
The best Tony Robbins seminar ever given without Tony Robbins.
Of course I’m enlightened, what else would I be after this concert for which I had been preparing even more meticulously than for my dates with Mr.Big, leaving everything and nothing, to chance.
Nothing , when it came to the things I could control, such as preparations for the day and getting into the right mood.
And everything when it came to accepting and celebrating whatever would happen.
And this is the small-can’t-bother-Sara-with-too-long-email version because I could write an entire novel out of that one gig.
Sadly though, I didn’t.
However – and this could be a beginners fuckup! – my performance, talking about something on video, seems to be a lot less strong when it comes to claiming the narrative.
But this is my latest key insight about my otherwise perfect choice for video over writing:
It’s not as strong.
I ve used this in my affair with Mr.Big:
What I wrote became the truth.
And it was a good truth. One in which he could see his own power and how we connected, how we were doing this together. I patched up, polished, sowed together the truth if needed.
I often used fiction.
If anyone had told me, after reading the story, that I should be ashamed of being a secret mistress, there is no way I would have adopted that as the truth.
The truth was on paper.
Someone qualified what I had been doing to Jon Bongiovi as stealing his energy.
That my energy had come at the expense of Jon Bongiovi himself.
Regardless of how enthusiastically he had been fantasizing with me, on how amazing it would be to see each other more often.
I saw in this long pause a confirmation that I stole way more than I had been entitled to.
But one week later, it was all gone.
Especially because by now I had designed my entire life around the concept of being a rock star yoga teacher.
How could I be that, if I was consumed by guilt of being an energetic vampire?
Two major decisions were made.
Like we’d been on a break or a breakup.
I had been too eager to drop writing erotica, too eager to be a good girl, one who doesn’t kiss and tell.
But with that I almost killed what we had.
It’s a miracle there is something left to save.
I get ALL the way up there, the peak of the mountain, way before we even meet. And then that is automatically where they meet me.
If I focus on doing things that raise my energy, so that I am on the peak of the mountain, regardless, it becomes more likely that I find the connection back with Jon Bongiovi and my lover.
And feeling really good where I am, and about what happened.
I never want to come down again, to hear what others have to say about my moral code of conduct.
I m going to do everything to get back what I lost the past week.
Including writing what must be written.
at least I will not be listening anymore.
Big, Diaries and Erotica
7-Figure Rock Star Writer
This is the second chapter of
7-figure Rock Star Writer part 4: A New Life
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