Love, Sex and Content Creation | Part 2: Literally Me

“But what if Ryan Gosling IS Source?”
coach Sara Saltee, on our call

It was almost the first thing that came up, after I had apologized for eating a pizza on our call, which was definitely the biggest breach of courtesy ever since I had the call in bikini in 2019 because it was just too freakin’ hot..
Of course, Sara did not mind the pizza anymore than she had minded seeing my midrif, but when I invited her to just fill the first 15 minutes with whatever she wanted to talk about, she said:
“Well, what were you hoping to discuss today?”
As if she understood I wanted something specific, because she knew the general gist of it since she had received my letter Super motivation loading beforehand.
About me being so incredibly inspired because I had spotted an incredibly hot man.

“Well, I’m worried that I may reincarnate because of all the men. I want this to be my last reincarnation.
But what if I don’t become one with Source, because I’m in love with Ryan Gosling?” 

At which she replied:
“But what if Ryan Gosling IS Source?”
Which, admittedly, is a tempting thought.
I remember in the 90s, how Brad Pitt playing Death also brought me great consolation. Somehow, it clicked.

Whether it was from having this discussion with her, or from eating my favorite pizza, after ten minutes I felt so much better.

And realized that I don’t really believe in purity or goodness paradigms. In fact I think they’re inherently suspicious, because the unspoken social rules and how society operates are full of them.
It will take generations, before we have dismantled the power structures of patriarchy, but what we can do today is discard the idea of wants, needs and desires being either good or bad.
To think I would have to reincarnate because I did such a carnal thing as lusting after a man, or such an immature thing as falling in love.

And there is such a thing called Bhakti Yoga;
Where your romantic love is your path to heaven, but I heard even that tends to be discredited in the afterlife, and you really have to stand your ground for your unconditional love and devotion to fully count.
I imagine this goes even more if you have never seen them in real life, but do know what jacket the Beloved wore in Drive;
Can make an in-promptu “ending explained” video to Bladerunner 2049;
And have the vocabulary to explain how well Ryan Gosling’s Dirty Dancing move worked in Crazy Stupid Love.

But even with a normal love interest, you really have to stand your ground, to make your Bhakti efforts count for something in the afterlife.

So maybe because of these stories about the Bhakti practitioners taking somewhat of a reincarnation risk with their choice of holy path, or because of patriarchy still poisoning my brain with what is good or bad for me to love;
I had started doubting myself.

Even when I’ve known since puberty that men, or boys as they were then, and sexuality, as a very private very wonderful thing between two people, were clearly the most important things in life.
I could appreciate the rest as well, there have been many relationships that were important to me, but the most exciting ones were without a doubt romantic love.

Until it was 2026, and I suddenly thought:
“Oh no! What if Ryan Gosling means I have to reincarnate!!”

One pizza and one call with Sara later, I no longer thought that.

But there’s another factor;
I think it’s just so important to do things in life that you cannot do in death.

Because after death there is a reasonable chance you can still do something that resembles meditation, or contemplation or being mindful.
And not a high chance you can have sex, or fall in love, or just be human and make a mess of things!
What a wonderful earthbound privilege!

Pretty good reason to prioritize the latter, and take the whole idea of being good or spiritual with a grain of salt.

And the final reason I stopped feeling guilty about being so inspired by men and by idols, and by falling in love and prioritizing pleasure, is because Sara reminded me of something I said years ago.
About the crushes, the sex, the pleasure, and the creativity, all wrapped into one.

I had told her:
“Sara, I want a life worth writing about.”

Because that, is a life worth living.

~Lauren
An unexamined life -> without R.G. <- is not worth living