I have no idea why I m all of a sudden so stressed out over this.
I mean, I haven’t worked on my books for weeks, if not months.
I haven’t done yoga for ages.
And I ve spent days indoors without seeing anyone, multiple times in December.
And I don’t remember those hermit days as being bad at all.
Then why am I now, on the second last day of the year suddenly so concerned about how much time this blog is costing me?
And how it’s keeping me from all the other things I need to do?
This diary has accidentally become a must.
I used to think that an ideal writer’s life meant that I would write every day, but switch it up between this diary, my Dutch columns and my cartoons which are under my real or old name.
The name I used to give yoga with.
But now I just know that’s not how it works.
I need this blog to keep me on track, and if I don’t do it my head rapidly gets cluttered. After a few days I don’t know which way is up.
The other blogs are more casual, I’d say.
Like yesterday night, I had gotten hooked on a Dutch book by Menno de Bree. It was a light and easy read, but that was no excuse to devour it the way I did.
I gobbled it down the way cookie monster eats his cookies.
And then I wrote about it.
My writing is like a Ferrari; it is the most powerful one around but if you want utilitarian or economical, buy a Toyota.
I ve made my peace with this English blog being a part of me, because I had no other choice. Not because I see a way to build a business this way.
To make matters worse, I want to clean and reorganize my basement before the new year. It’s a mess because the building cooperation has renovated there, and everything is still in boxes and/or covered in dark grey dust.
I don’t want to enter the new year with a basement that looks like an abandoned coalmine.
Oh, something did pop to mind, as to why I’m probably more concerned by lack of control over my life than usual. I went to the hairdresser to get it cut Atomic Blonde style, like the 2017 movie. The most important part were the bangs.
I can’t remember ever having them.
And with a little help from a blow dryer and a hair product, I looked similar to Charlize Theron.
This could definitely work!
I have a photo shoot scheduled for Wednesday, and it was good to know I had the hair thing covered now.
Yet within hours my bangs completely curled back up with the rest of the hair, and disappeared forever.
They are nowhere to be found!
So although I adore my new look, it is absolutely not what I intended it to be.
Maybe that’s why I feel so out of control.
If I can’t even make things work, when I literally have a clear picture (I took the photos of Atomic Blonde with me to the hairdressers), then how am I going to make something work, having no idea what I m aiming for?
How will my life look with all of those things that I want to do?
Which is why I have decided to watch a live stream from Katrina Ruth.
I have been following her work for two years, and although I usually just randomly brainwash myself with any of her programs and free videos – I m even planning on integrating her content into my yoga practice, which is by far the most attractive feature of my future yoga practice – this is the first time ever that I m watching a video, because it addresses the exact problem I am experiencing now.
Here’s a link to the video How I get it all done, with tons of room to spare!! ✅✅✅ 
(…)
(…)
Okay! I m done!
That was inspiring.
You know the strange thing is that whenever I start to believe those “You can’t control your life” antis, and that includes me buying into my own stories, all I have to do is watch a Katrina Ruth video, or read one of her blog posts, and I m good to go.
It is absolutely impossible for me not to connect with the bigger dream and vision I have for myself, after I ve heard her speak about her life and her road to millions of dollars a year.
But I already know, from recommending her work to other people, that the majority of them get triggered by her, baaaaadly.
So if you clicked the video, you probably didn’t watch it, because you were triggered. Or because it’s pretty lengthy and you were waiting for me to give you the management summary.
Which is this:
The reason Katrina Ruth has built a million dollar online business, and has started doing so when she was still booked up to 60 hours a week training private clients at the gym, is because she decided she just wasn’t available for anything less than having it ALL.
No excuses.
Working crazy hours at the gym, she used her 10-15 minute breaks to get an espresso, open her laptop and write her blog, create her content, sell her things.
Without Facebook or fancy website.
She would just sent you an email with a file attached, with your book or program.
“I was never available for not making any money.”
I know from another training that after her last client, she would go down to the Italian restaurant, around 9 PM. And sit there, with her earphones in, typing.
Around 11 or 12, the staff had started cleaning and the restaurant was closing and she had such a satisfied feeling of having been able to work for a couple of hours on end.
And yet at 6 AM her first client would be booked in already.
That’s how she lived and breathed.
Even in the video she says she got up at 5 because she had a 10 AM tequila party (or some other booze, anyway it was wild!).
She still lives that way.
She won’t back down.
And that’s how I will get everything done, from now on too.
5 Minute intervals.
Make money.
Decide you’re going to have it all.
Or as Katrina Ruth would say it:
I will go on for however long it takes, and until it takes.
And then keep going.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

PS Woon je in NEDERLAND?
Mijn boeken zijn tijdelijk zonder verzendkosten én met 25% korting verkrijgbaar bij mijn uitgever. Gebruik code ONESHIP.
Krijg je $$ tekens?
Schrik niet.
Nadat je je eerste boek in het karretje hebt gelegd, kun je met de vlag rechtsboven de Nederlandse winkel selecteren

7-Figure Rock Star Writer

Must write diary make books do yoga get daylight is episode 14 of my project 7-figure rock star writer  
The subscribe button to this diary is somewhere on this page

Or follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

My diaries en erotica are available at 
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

I quit writing (about my love life)

Project M. and in particular its last chapter Like a Prayer is my final diary for an indefinite period of time. 

I ve been writing about my love life, pretty much non-stop, since 2006, the moment I became single. And although it has brought me many things – in particular the opportunity to have relationships that are way out of my league – it has now started to constrict me.
The cage of self-reflection and transparency, that I built to protect myself, has become a prison.
I need to start living, and start experiencing life, without the pen.
Or at least without diary writing/ blogging about my real life.

I m going to use this time to create my four new books

One Dutch book with columns:
Blote Kont
Verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit

One English book with columns:
I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW

One English book about Mistresshood:
The Big Mistress

And one diary 2017-2018, called Reboot.
Which will also include my last diary Project M.