Lauren has DECIDED she’s going to be rich and famous as fuck.
The reason she’s finally getting her shit together is that she wants a chance to adopt stay-over cat M.
But also because having a career beats pondering over her miserable love life. But then the Universe gives her some real shit to worry about.

I heard a weird sound coming from the hall.
Initially I was going to ignore it because I was already half a day behind on my Master Plan to Fame and Glory, and I was in the middle of the third take of my Mistress video.
I had to keep my eye on the prize, which was a flourishing career as a writer.
The reason I was half a day behind on schedule, was that I had practically become physically ill, after yesterday’s blog post had taken me five hours to write.
Instead of the ninety minutes or such, I assumed things like this should take.
As a backlash from that I had been suffering pains in my body, in places that were not even supposed to have nerves as far as I knew.
After my body’s violent response to long hours behind the computer, I switched up my daily to-dos.
Instead of starting with writing, with then little or no time left for anything physical, I would start with making yoga videos, for my Dutch account/ my private yogastudio. It was a great way to reach more people, and to get fully booked.
But most of all yoga would help me relax, stay in shape, and stay away from the damn computer.
This process of shooting yoga videos was however not nearly as neat and tight as I expected it to be. And after hours and hours they were done but now I had to rush because I had a friend coming over, and still had to do grocery shopping.
By the time she left, I still hadn’t done any of the stuff I wanted to do for my writer’s account.
Not the daily video.
Not the daily blog.
And the entire workday, or what others would call a workday, was already gone.
Although I knew I would not be able to do all Key Activities To Success, I did think doing my mistress video was feasable.
But I didn’t get my story straight, and started over twice. Both when I was already at fifteen minutes or so.
After the yoga videos, I was now making a mess of this Mistress video.
And then I heard the scratching from the hall.
I wanted to ignore it.
So what if cat M had found something to scratch in the hall, right?
Because that’s what it sounded like anyway. No reason to get up.
But I did.
And it was not M: Someone was picking my lock.
In the conversation that followed I realized I didn’t know him, didn’t like him, and as far as I could understand the vague story, I didn’t believe him.
There were however aspects that won me over to assume, if only for a minute, that in theory, he could still be the temporary tenant from one of the other apartments. He said that he wanted to see the apartment.
I didn’t open the door, but I could see through the peephole. He had a set of keys that looked as if they were from a coorperation, including an original key to the front door.
“You may want to check that apartment,” I said.
With the number.
He was looking at the label on his keys.
“Okay, thank you. This number is unclear. I think that must be the right number.”
The other apartment was around the corner, so I couldn’t see it.
I put my head out of the window, and saw him leaving the building.
Enough time had passed for him to check the keys, but not to really “see” the apartment. If I had understood correctly.
“Did you find it?” I yelled.
“Yes, thank you!” he said.
I crawled behind my computer to check with our contact if they had given a new tenant a key.
“I m sure it’s all okay,” I lied.
And wondered if I still dared to go out at night, if I was coming home to a building where he could be lurking in our basement and hallways. 

An unexamined life is not worth living

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Pretender is the twelfth chapter from Project M. 

tenth anniversary of the book that changed my life!

Summer 2008 I started writing in English.
Dutch American Diary 
Just like now, I was in love with two men. And just like now, they were both taken.
And – yes, just like now –  I had no idea where life would take me.
This 2008 diary became the only thing that offered stability during a time where I had just left my partner after fourteen years and the two new men were driving me crazy.

A book about starting over in your mid-thirties and reinventing yourself as a lover;
As a woman;
And as a vengeful fury from hell.

Als je Nederlands bent is 22 erotische verhalen een aanrader.
Maar je kunt natuurlijk ook gewoon de hele shop leegkopen.


These are my English titles:
Dutch American Diary 2008-2009  €15
LS Diary 2012-2013                                € 10
Bedtime Stories 2014                            €15
Mirage 2014                                               €5
Big, diaries and erotica 2015-2016 € 20
Get a 25% discount on all prices in the shop.
Select your store f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

De volgende Nederlandse boeken
zijn ook op voorraad bij boekhandel de Feeks in Nijmegen
verzending gratis v.a. € 17,50

Het Boek Benjamin           € 45
verzameld werk NL en Engels.
Het enige boek dat hier niet inzit is Witte Tijgerin, dus mijn andere Nederlandse boeken zitten hier wél in.

Mango                                 €15
coming of age novelle

22 erotische verhalen   € 15
literaire pornografie in de geest van Anais Nin

Witte Tijgerin                  €5
gids voor solitaire vrouwen die een geweldig seksleven willen en plenty energie


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