Just to be clear, this is not a (long?) list of my fetishes. After all, they are explained rather well.
They’re things that turn me on, even when I can’t explain them, have no idea where they originate and I don’t approve of them.
Maybe especially then.
But hot, yeah!

It is not fetishes where life requires explanations. Their purpose is clear, they’re here to enjoy 😉
Providing they’re consensual, legal, etc.
You know the drill.

No, what I discovered was how two areas that are not among those personal kinks (so therefor my interest in them was indeed unexplained) ended up containing vital clues, on how I want to arrange my love life.

My love life needs to be rebuilt from scratch at this point.

And although I am bummed out by the lack of action the past couple of years, I now recognize the dry spells as part of my choice to only have one lover at a time.
It comes at the price of being alone after their departure.
Hence, the dry spell.

But this time around, I’m using the timeout to redesign the whole thing.
I’m mapping out how a new relationship should look.

And it covers both my sexuality, similar to gay men who communicate early on, if they’re top, bottom or versatile.
As well as, which is at least as important, HOW we are going to relate to each other!

How our dates will look, what our communication will look like, etcetera.

And it was mapping out this part, which brought me eye to eye with two of my interests (not fetishes);
– escort work
and
– S&M

Every time I followed up on my interest in them, I saw immediately they were not for me.
Then why did I keep being fascinated by them?
But now I know.

Because they’re both conscious sexual arrangements where two people meet on an agreed upon time to do agreed upon things.
With at least one person in every “pairing”, having put serious thought into concepts like boundaries, safety and consent.
If necessary, they can educate the other person on these.

So I was never fascinated by the sexual aspect of it.
But mesmerized by the mind-boggling amount of ownership, escorting and S&M were proof of.

This transcended sex;
Perhaps even to art.

~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living

Harteveld 2025*
Are 2200 characters, or less.
The name is inspired by the book Fretz 2025 by Johan Fretz and asterisk by the 2025 movie Thunderbolts*