
Before our call I always give her a headsup.
Dear Sara,
The best was really a woman with a black hat and red lips AND lighted through blinds.
Which medium to use: writing/blogging, YouTube, publishing books or showing up in the conversation on social media or real life.
What to monetize if any.
Who to be?
Taking the punches but also making the money, and receiving the fame and the glory.
The image failed.
And the past week I ve had the feeling the circles got smaller!
From prioritizing YouTube, to writing, to YouTube.
From going all in on Suzanne (my real name) to all in on LS Harteveld (my alterego)
And I should probably tattoo it on my forehead.
I m looking for a different framing, but to the outside world it can easily look like the exact same thing as I taught for 15 years.
It’s ALL framing.
And as life-giving and big and major this is to me, it could very well be the same thing I came up with before.
This is who I am.
WORK/ CALLING/ THE ONE THING I MUST DO
AND THAT IF I HAD TO CHOOSE, I WOULD
1. Writing And Being LS Harteveld

Meaning:
That is how I look 99% of the time.
Reminiscent of Vertigo’s Kim Novak and of course Basic Instinct’s Sharon Stone, the writer Catherine Tramell.
I am more LS Harteveld (Lauren) than I am the real me.
Being her is definitely THE priority, the only right decision to make, because not being her would be a violation of my very existence.
So, in practice:
Writing/blogging as LS Harteveld is my priority, straight after brushing my teeth I’d say.
I will not just treat it as my day job, meaning seriously, but really step up to being her the proverbial 24/7.
So there is no clear cut monetizable formula, and that is strange. I m so conditioned that if you’re not selling at the end of your blog post or videos, you re basically doing a disservice to your audience.
And not only am I conditioned that way:
I actually, and with my whole heart, believe it.
Now that I have overcome that, or know that despite the discomfort I m going to do what I came here to do regardless, I m going with what I ALSO know to be true!
That the number one thing you’re selling, is always you.
And that?
Oh, that I can do!
is being LS Harteveld.
.
2. Being Suzanne!
Okay, maybe I have to eat my words that I am Lauren 99% of the time!
And I have actually found a completely new look, for the work or for being there under my real name Suzanne. I call it the Independence Day look or colors, and it was inspired by a 1990 MTV interview from Jon Bon Jovi with Julie Brown.
It was shot on Independence Day (well, prerecorded in advance) and Julie was sporting a blue dress, a red bolero and a raging crush on Jon!
All things that are inspiring me to “be” myself and actually enjoy it.
And a series of meltdowns and run-into-walls in June taught me just randomly connecting over those topics, was not going to cut it.
That yoga was not going to run itself either.
Damn.
I am an online creator, and I post immediately..
They’re not going to get made.
It will get stranded in those preparation hours.
I want to create something, and put it out there the same day. Period. The end.
I do not want to study and practice yoga on my own, before I create videos.
Publishing my books asks me to invest into something that cannot be posted that same day.
There is no short cut there, but just to point out this is not new information.
Gratification on the same day is required.
I no longer enjoy doing yoga; It’s offline, there is no audience, I m not communicating. It’s not social.
Just like the people watching, doing yoga is not my work.
I m just as stressed out and tensed up from being at my desk as they are.
“I am not your yoga teacher” is what I will say.
I am just someone who creates Bon Jovi inspired yoga videos, and we talk Bon Jovi!
And we simply ATTACH the yoga to that!
A song that was recorded years before the band came into being, by Jon Bon Jovi solo.
The song Runaway was done, it was due!
Poses that feel like home, like you’ve done them a thousand times, even when it is your first time on the mat.
For that song we’re going to do yoga poses that we are certain do not belong in yoga and something is seriously wrong with them.*
And it will be totally fun and lighthearted, and I m not going to do any yoga other than creating those videos.
There was a time when I was a yoga teacher, and toyed with being a coach, an online entrepreneur.
And a time when I did not see that publishing my books is going to ask the impossible of me.
Publishing is the one area where I m willing to go the extra mile to get the books that I REALLY want out there.
Such as The Mistress Speaks and my book about Catherine Tramell, Basic Instinct, called “The beach. C.”
The only automatic/ group connections I can make are if we can relate over rock music/ Bon Jovi. Other socializing in groups will always be really hard.
Sometimes my insight into who I am and what I can or cannot do has changed.
Working as Lauren.
Playing around as Suzanne.
Maybe I don’t need tattoos for that.
~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living
[ * NB
If you’re reading this, and you think:
I would like to subscribe to that channel!
You can.
I normally don’t share my real name or work here, but in this case I ll make an exception because I ve talked about it in such vivid colors, it would feel wrong to not tell you.
Just remember I m Suzanne there, not Lauren, but then I m happy to give you a chance to sign up and see me there.
Subscribe here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXpNMsIFP2U34A0yBKk8PUQ ]
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