I just reposted yesterday’s blog to social media, and was tempted to quote one of the sex-related sentences about this week’s much needed encounter with Mr.Big.
Although Mr.Big is a “want”, not a need.
That is the biggest difference between my love life and a normal relationship: I don’t want a lover to be a need.
Nor do I myself, want to be a need.
I want to be a want.
A luxury so luscious, only a true hedonist will allow themselves to have it.
Yesterday’s blog post, which plunged from the very neutral title “I forgot how to breathe” right down into the arms of my lover and the heart of our encounter, took a whole evening to write.
And few read it.
Tempting, to repost it using one of it’s click-baity sexual confessions.
But I didn’t.
With a real job just around the corner, daily writing has become something that needs to be scheduled in, and its time-block needs to be defended.
I used to be a yoga teacher and writing was something I could do every day and all day. As long I showed up for my night time classes.
With real workweeks pending, I have an hour every morning to write this post. And it is an hour I would rather have spent socializing my new cats, especially since they will be alone the rest of the day.
Yet I am dedicating that A.M. hour to writing.
That’s how big a Need writing is!
I will take it from the pockets of my furry friends, which is saying something because I would do anything for them.
That ONE hour every morning, needs to be spent wisely, oh so wisely.
Posting yesterday’s post with a click-baity title, is disruptive.
It does not contribute to today’s productivity.
It does not make that stolen hour behind the computer, more meaningful. Anything but.
So part of preparing for life as an employee, with little time to write, is that I will no longer be promoting these blogs with click-bait titles or quoting from the juicy sections.
But there is more.
Limiting writing to one hour, and no longer promoting my work, is just the morning routine.
The real challenge comes what to do, and what not-to-do, after I get home.
A little while ago I realized that as a teen I barely had any social life, outside school. And even less on weekdays.
I got up at 6.30, left the house 7.15; Cycled to school which started at 8.15
home around 4 P.M., a little nap until dinner.
And then doing schoolwork behind my desk until 10 P.M. , shower and be in bed at 10.30 P.M.
Every. Damn. Day.
And here I am, here we are, as adults. And this goes in particular for the ones without children, because parents with children don’t have much choice in what they want to do at night. Here we are thinking we have time for a social life.
Or to do sports four times a week.
That the evenings are there to make up for what we missed out on, during the day.
But anticipating my own new work life, I m like: Nooooo…..
Maybe one night a weeks tops, you could go see a movie, attend a social event, or in my case see my lover, as long as I m home around ten.
And make that a Wednesday or a Thursday, don’t do this at the beginning of your week.
For me, a 46 year old former entrepreneur returning to being a regular employee, this is NEW.
The realization how very little you can do, if you work full-time in a job. And how that makes total sense, if you compare it to the monk life many of us (not all!) had as a teenager.
Nights are not for partying.
My entire life is going to change so drastically.
From being a yoga teacher having the entire day to myself, for dates with Mr.Big, for writing, and so on;
To leaving the house at A.M. and returning around dinner.
And then the evening is dedicated to doing yoga for an hour, publishing my books for an hour, and then to bed 10 P.M. in order to get up at 5 A.M to write.
A monk’s life, that’s what it is.
I recently read an interesting blog about creating a sex positive life.
One day was for writing smut, another for masturbation, and so on.
Maybe that’s a way to make something interesting from my evenings, I don’t know. Squeeze in a daily 30 minutes to do something sex-positive.
Because it seems like despite acknowledging that after 15+ years of being an entrepreneur, I choose the stability of a normal job and income so that I can focus on creating my art and publishing my books:
I still can’t see myself settling for living this monk style life!
I just don’t see it happening.
But then what, right?
The first job I saw, or could see myself having, which I encountered this week, was so much fun, and so cool. And I do expect I would be able to work from home largely, and be flexible in my hours in case I would go for a daytime date.
So that makes it easier to see myself working, without having to go full-on monk style.
But in general working a normal job is far from what I m used to, and I still have no idea if I can do that.
My peers have spent the past 20 years living that way, and I ve always given them props for that.
But can I really do it?
I m not sure. 

~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living

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7-figure Rock Star Writer part 3: Submission

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