1 January, 2024

24 Hours ago, I still had a lover.
Someone with whom I had not slept with since January 2023 (true) but also someone who I had still seen a few times, and with whom I stayed in touch and he with me.
Someone whose birthday I remembered, who sent me the occasional photo he knew I would like and so on.

Someone who had refused all conversation starters I had given him about a shift I had felt in his energy, from as early as February 2023.
A shift I had brushed off in January 2023, in December 2022, when we had lovely dates, in which we both pleased the other, yet the sex was no longer the intense mental and physical pleasure dome it had always been!
Yes…. the shift was earlier, but because we obviously still cared a lot for each other, and still had the hots for each other, I had brushed it off.

It did not matter how I opened, which media I used, or if it was real life;
For the entire year, up until our final Whatsapp conversation yesterday the 31st, whenever I offered him the opportunity to tell me what was going on and what he needed;
He consequently, with no exception, ignored it, told half-truths and flat-out lied if needed.

At least that is all over now. Although I still do not know what is going on, I no longer have to. Death by real estate… of course I should have known he would find a way out.
An ugly one…. and WHY?!

All he had to do was say: “Goodbye. I can no longer have you in my life.”

I only function if I am not just wanted, but if a man works, every time, without exception, to be with me.
And makes it special.
Breaking up with me is super easy, because all you have to do is stop doing all the things you have done for 8 years (counting January 2023 as the end date), and we will never have sex again.

Even 2023 as a whole was proof of how easy it is to sexually break up with me.
Because apparently, he no longer wanted me, and tadaa! A year without sex.
After January; Still in touch, still had the privacy of his penthouse (I m guessing you can see the real estate construct coming!), still remembering birthdays and caring for each other.
But no sex.

He had no trouble having a good time with me, without doing anything drastic.
I think the breakup was totally uncalled for.
An unnecessary evil.

So how did he do it?
How does a man break up with his mistress after 9 years?
A mistress who had already asked him in the most direct fashion she had used the entire year, for a heart to heart, on December 11th.
Because she wanted to know what was going on.
And he had agreed, yet had not accepted her time frame, which she had planned generously before her holidays, in which she did not want any drama, but wanted to have peace in her heart, knowing she had left behind this year, what needed to be left behind.

And instead he pushed this heart-to-heart forward, to the midst of holiday season, but without saying a specific date.
And to then out of the blue, on the 31st of December, casually mention – closing with an emoji that was such a brutal insult considering the weight of blowing up their affair – that they could no longer use the condo to meet because he had had to sell it *insert any emoticon here, because they’d all be inappropriate*

I am convinced that that is not what he has been hiding from me this year. It is another woman, another life, a desire to be rid of me because I am a complication.
It is about not wanting a rerun from December 2019 when he broke up with me in a nice way, only to have our affair coming back stronger, and shining brighter than it ever had!

The condo was the way to end it. Selling the safe space we had for 9 years, the place he bought when he was in his early 30s, and that he never gave up for his wife claiming he needed it for his work here in the area – that sale, was literally doing the work for him.
He did not trust himself to be able to pull himself out of our affair, so he pulled his million dollar condo out instead.

After 9 years, he eliminated our affair by making it homeless.
And that was after not having sex for 11 months.
First starve it, then evacuate it.

And ignoring my attempts to have a conversation about it and instead blowing it up in the last hours of the year, made sure that it would as painful and cruel as possible.

9 years, and he has evicted me out of his life, without notice.
As if I ever gave the impression to be someone who will stay for even a minute, in a place where I am no longer wanted.

.
~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living

post-script

This breakup story was originally posted in my publishing journal
Death by real estate| publishing journal day 11

And although I am understandably a bit shaky by this turn of events, I am also aware that every story (including diaries like “Big”, which you can find in my book store ) must have an ending.
I expect a diary running through 31 December 2023, will have Death by Real Estate as a final chapter or epilogue..

On a different timeline, Lauren1998, moving 1999, also wrote about the breakup.
In her entry And just like that. Gone. | 1998 she shares how this breakup unfolded, in her universe.

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