Fifth chapter for book 3 in my vintage diary series. 

Monday 11 April, 1997 

Tomorrow it’s one week since me and Bear had sex, and I m still recovering although it’s hard to pinpoint from what exactly. The sex, my period, or both? I got my period shortly after, in fact so shortly after that I wondered if it had not started mid-sex if we had done it again like we used to in the beginning. We could do it multiple times in a row, but since he’s living with his girlfriend we have never done that anymore.
We’ve become very efficient with our lust, or I have.
Which also might explain why I m still sore: I want it to hurt, to feel it as intensely as possible. But this time, it seems I overplayed my hand. I probably should have said “overstretched” things!
God damn it.
Let’s hope this heals.

The worrying also seems to be prolonging the mental stress. I m used to needing a couple of days for things to settle, but this one’s ugly.
Thinking about what happened in bed, is like thinking about a big barbwire ball with roses in it. Like I said, it’s been a week, yet every time I think back I  just don’t know where to start on what it is I’m feeling.
I m seriously messed up.

Right after he left I went to the bathroom, and my period started.
I always suffer from constipation around my period, and this one too came with a very painful stool. But since we had just had anal sex, I thought little of it.
I m quite familiar with having that nasty sharp pain once a month, so despite the intensity of having sex with Bear when we are only lovers (it’s just weird being the other woman, it really is) I felt it had been a good one!

I went to bed feeling happy, satisfied, and even proud of myself.
I knew few of Bear’s old girlfriends would have been able to keep up with this, let alone have enjoyable and even daring sex, without throwing fits all the time about him having to leave his girlfriend.
I knew how other women were and I was happy that once again, I had known how to play my cards in a way that brought me pleasure and made it a great experience.

I went to sleep blissfully unaware of the physical situation.
But the next couple of days, reality quickly caught up with me.

It was not the mental stress of being the other woman, not the usual hungover feeling mixed with fear of sexually transmitted diseases (I still suffer from that phobia, and I know to ignore it on days like that), and instead felt shame I had let myself go like that.
And was now suffering the consequences.

That although the constipation was a returning monthly thing, this time I could not help but think it was because we had anal sex. And although my pussy is always extremely sensitive in my period, that too seemed to be specifically violent. I even took painkillers for two days.
So I waited.
I waited for it all to clear up, so that I would not be punished for my ferocious sexual appetite.
Almost one week later and I’m waiting still. 

It worries me, not just because of some perhaps irrational fear of having to go to a doctor, but because a girl I used to know who worked as an escort had told me that she did have anal surgery after being raped by a client. And it wasn’t even a brutal rape, it had been a regular client and ordinary call. 
She wasn’t traumatized by the rape, nor by the surgery she ultimately decided to have, but I remember it spoiled anal sex for me for a while.
I never dared talking about what she had told me, with Bear. I considered it classified information.
And I didn’t have to tell him. He had always been in tune with what I wanted. As long as I was still afraid of it, he would never push it.

And ultimately I not just forgot the story, but so many other things happened between us. Bear and me abandoned anal sex for multiple years.
He broke up with me, moved in with his girlfriend, started visiting me again, 1996 was our absolute best sex year ever, and now here we are.

Maybe we got reckless. Or maybe I, not Bear, got reckless because he was the one who broke it off last week. Good thing he did, obviously. It does prove that he knows my body better than I do.

My period is almost over, but I m still paying for what happened.
And a hell of a lot more than what I bargained for.

.
~Lauren97

It costs more now (NSFW) | 1997 diary
is the fifth chapter of book 3, diary 1997