Sara is my creativity coach.
Before our calls I always update her by email.
Sometimes without mentioning sex, men and Nikki Sixx. But this time I was doing great.
..
Hi Sara,
.
I look forward to our call tomorrow, and although on the surface (read: money wise) nothing has changed,
below the surface everything has changed.
And that’s a weird thing for me to say, because I m still crushed by guilt I didn’t do any of the things I had set out to do:
I did not organize my first rock star yoga classes (group). And realized I don’t want to.
I did not update my finance, which is behind for months
I do have all expenses automated so it’s not like things don’t get paid.
And I also did not go looking for a job.
But maybe that’s because I know none of those things matter as long as I don’t have the full vision of what it is I m aiming for.
And that’s the big news:
I got it.
I GOT IT!
below the surface everything has changed.
And that’s a weird thing for me to say, because I m still crushed by guilt I didn’t do any of the things I had set out to do:
I did not organize my first rock star yoga classes (group). And realized I don’t want to.
I did not update my finance, which is behind for months
I do have all expenses automated so it’s not like things don’t get paid.
And I also did not go looking for a job.
But maybe that’s because I know none of those things matter as long as I don’t have the full vision of what it is I m aiming for.
And that’s the big news:
I got it.
I GOT IT!
.
First other good news:
Two days after our last call, the second and only other employer to whom I had sent an open application, responded to my Facebook message!
I wasn’t counting on that anymore.
This really would be my dream job, because it’s sexy , creative, it works with peak experiences, and performance art.
I knew he was really busy at the moment so I wasn’t surprised when he asked me to send him a normal email, so he had my address, and that he’d contact me after.
Saying No to the non-creative job earlier, which had been a difficult decision, seemed to be immediately rewarded by the Universe.
Two days after our last call, the second and only other employer to whom I had sent an open application, responded to my Facebook message!
I wasn’t counting on that anymore.
This really would be my dream job, because it’s sexy , creative, it works with peak experiences, and performance art.
I knew he was really busy at the moment so I wasn’t surprised when he asked me to send him a normal email, so he had my address, and that he’d contact me after.
Saying No to the non-creative job earlier, which had been a difficult decision, seemed to be immediately rewarded by the Universe.
.
Last week I had my big break under my pen name, which is starting to turn into a stage name, LS Harteveld.
As you have once suggested, I m beginning to see LS Harteveld as the workshop side of things.
It’s extremely important that I don’t put any strain on that with regard to whatever it needs to be, and to go fully with what I want to do.
Last week this resulted in two in-depth Bon Jovi analyses which in turn lead to the most clicks I ever had on a non-sex blog post. The articles were appreciated by many fans.
Even men! 😁
As you have once suggested, I m beginning to see LS Harteveld as the workshop side of things.
It’s extremely important that I don’t put any strain on that with regard to whatever it needs to be, and to go fully with what I want to do.
Last week this resulted in two in-depth Bon Jovi analyses which in turn lead to the most clicks I ever had on a non-sex blog post. The articles were appreciated by many fans.
Even men! 😁
.
And I got the format for my erotica as well.
Do you remember I told you my autobiographical erotica 2019 was going to be an offline thing?
That I didn’t want the erotic diary writing to haunt me, now that I was going into the real world, either with my message under my real name and LS Harteveld, and/or because I was working for someone else.
But I also noticed that the offline writing of the erotica wasn’t exactly taking off. No aliveness.
My notes were still in their rudimentary form and I couldn’t even be bothered to write them out, in my diary.
Do you remember I told you my autobiographical erotica 2019 was going to be an offline thing?
That I didn’t want the erotic diary writing to haunt me, now that I was going into the real world, either with my message under my real name and LS Harteveld, and/or because I was working for someone else.
But I also noticed that the offline writing of the erotica wasn’t exactly taking off. No aliveness.
My notes were still in their rudimentary form and I couldn’t even be bothered to write them out, in my diary.
Oh!
Before I can tell you how I hacked that erotica problem, I forgot a very important element:
Somebody sent me fan fiction.
Now I have no idea if you know what fan fiction is?
And especially (you know I m the girl for the big guns) slash fiction?
It’s erotica, but you could also say pornography, based on existing characters or, apparently, on rock stars.
Before I can tell you how I hacked that erotica problem, I forgot a very important element:
Somebody sent me fan fiction.
Now I have no idea if you know what fan fiction is?
And especially (you know I m the girl for the big guns) slash fiction?
It’s erotica, but you could also say pornography, based on existing characters or, apparently, on rock stars.
I spent a day and a half in a totally different Universe, where even Christian Grey would have had no idea what hit him – and after this binge reading I had not finished it.
But I quit reading and ideas how to incorporate fan fiction into my work started taking shape.
I also kept wondering: Why had I let myself go that way?
But I quit reading and ideas how to incorporate fan fiction into my work started taking shape.
I also kept wondering: Why had I let myself go that way?
And I noticed that one of the story’s antagonistic heroes, Nikki Sixx, had stuck to me like spe- I mean glue.
It was his dominant male energy (have you seen him current day?! Suffice to say he aged well!), combined with my 36 hour smut brainwash and all the things that had been bothering me writing about my own sex life, that gave me the idea for:
“1994”: fanfic inspired erotica
click here for episode 1
It’s about a young Lauren, who turns 22 this month and she’s living in her apartment with her cats, a Master’s degree, a yoga diploma, and without any clue as to what to do with her life.
By mail she receives fan fiction, from a seller of a Bon Jovi VHS tape, where she falls for the Nikki Sixx character.
By mail she receives fan fiction, from a seller of a Bon Jovi VHS tape, where she falls for the Nikki Sixx character.
The story and Nikki Sixx’ role in it, make her wonder about her own love life. Her lover Bear does date other women, but has been her sole lover for the past 4,5 year.
What does she need to do, to get their exciting sex life back?
Or should she find her own Nikki Sixx?
What does she need to do, to get their exciting sex life back?
Or should she find her own Nikki Sixx?
.
So in one week I had that part of my creative work entirely up and running.
The Bon Jovi Metas (those are deep analyses at meta level) made me realize that my true magic still is, and always will be, in writing.
And the retro-erotica series gave me the perfect hook!
The Bon Jovi Metas (those are deep analyses at meta level) made me realize that my true magic still is, and always will be, in writing.
And the retro-erotica series gave me the perfect hook!
Then today I also did The Thing I Should Have Done Weeks Ago, under my real name:
I finally started Rock Star Yoga, properly. The whole shebang.
I was kind of doing it, have been for months. But I wasn’t owning it.
But now I have it all:
A Rock Star Yoga website, a blog, a Facebook page, YouTube.
I finally started Rock Star Yoga, properly. The whole shebang.
I was kind of doing it, have been for months. But I wasn’t owning it.
But now I have it all:
A Rock Star Yoga website, a blog, a Facebook page, YouTube.
It’s all about owning your practice and not taking shit eh I mean directions, from anybody.
To fully create your own yoga practice.
And this IS what I will be known for.
The Rock Star Yoga blog is meant to be a mixture of sharing my own yoga practice and stories with regard to Rock Star Yoga mentality.
I want to create those blog posts into a book(s)
The Rock Star Yoga Series part 1 to…?
I want to create those blog posts into a book(s)
The Rock Star Yoga Series part 1 to…?
.
So now I can connect the dots:
My art and my yoga, my work under both names, are artistically free and do not include business models that make me do things I don’t want to do.
Ultimately, revenues will come from Rock Star Yoga books and lectures, one-off events, and so on.
And under my pen name income will come from books and maybe lectures or something;
But I don’t intend to push that.
My art and my yoga, my work under both names, are artistically free and do not include business models that make me do things I don’t want to do.
Ultimately, revenues will come from Rock Star Yoga books and lectures, one-off events, and so on.
And under my pen name income will come from books and maybe lectures or something;
But I don’t intend to push that.
LS Harteveld needs to spend as much time as possible inside her own head, unavailable for the outside world.
My work as “LS Harteveld the Mistress” feels behind me.
Lauren Harteveld is now the 22 year old, figuring out life and Nikki Sixx’s sex appeal, in 1994.
That experience will be the workshop where the wisdom of Rock Star Yoga comes from.
Until I have my income from books and talks, teaching yoga could my income. Mostly private yoga.
Or another job, preferably a steady one and even better, a creative one. So that I know that I have a baseline income.
Or another job, preferably a steady one and even better, a creative one. So that I know that I have a baseline income.
.
So those are my findings!
I m a Rock Star Yoga teacher but I am not aiming for teaching private yoga to be my ultimate business model.
In the end teaching private yoga will “just” be a hobby. Just like my current low-key group classes to former students.
I m a Rock Star Yoga teacher but I am not aiming for teaching private yoga to be my ultimate business model.
In the end teaching private yoga will “just” be a hobby. Just like my current low-key group classes to former students.
My purpose in the real world, is to be a public speaker and author, a Rock Star Yoga Teacher.
My purpose in my inner-world, is to be the performer and author Lauren Harteveld.
My purpose in my inner-world, is to be the performer and author Lauren Harteveld.
.
It took us a year of working together, but I think we can say:
We finally nailed this.
We finally nailed this.
.
.
~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living
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