This is a letter to my creativity coach Sara
Before our call I always give her a headsup.
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Dear Sara,

It was a moment of recognition when I glossed over the blogpost I wrote you two weeks ago, in preparation of our previous call.
And perhaps it was meant to be that the interval between the calls is shorter this time, two instead of three weeks, because this week’s blogpost is, as I realize now, a direct sequel to the previous.

Where the previous post, “Something I really want”, was a bone deep analysis of why I could rationalize why the medical world was not the manifestation of evil, but every time I blinked or God forbid went in;
I ended up hating it with a vengeance.

And although I stabbed my pen straight into the black malignant heart of the system itself, not its participants, that did nothing to control the visceral levels of hate that I had tapped into without knowing how to turn it off.
The longer I thought about it, or felt into it, the more I was convinced the medical system had been spawned straight from the gates of hell.
All thoughts which were, in psychological terms, not very helpful.
To put it mildly.

The pathway out was not found, but I did make a beginning stating that the medical world was standing between me and something I really want (the title of the post).
That the only explanation I have, for hating it which such vigor, is that they are a direct threat to what I find important in life.

And this week, when I open a new post “The Sorting Head” I realize this is nothing short but a list of characteristics that are important to me.
All directly opposing to what the medical world offers.

Had I had this list, I could have explained point-by-point why the medical world itself was in direct conflict to what I valued.
Something which I am not going to do in this post, I am dropping the subject of medical world and will round it off to “consider death over entering a hospital”, but it is good to see that disturbing post I wrote two weeks ago finding some closure after all.

It’s not a happy ending, but it is a respectful stand-off, where I can see that some people, organizations and aspects of life, cannot be befriended of let into your life, without losing your soul.
The devil always makes you a good deal, offering the thing you want most, we know that. Does not make cutting a deal with it, a good idea.
Does not mean the hospital is evil incarnate to everyone;
Just means it is to me.

So now that I have identified where the gates to hell lie according to my own and very personal values, let’s progress to The Sorting Hat!
What is it, and how does it work?

The Sorting Hat is what I made after taking your workshop yesterday, so technically you are the only person I do not have to explain this to.
But for the sake of readability, I will.

The Sorting Hat, as taught by you, is a list of characteristics you can measure your different projects or areas of interest with.
Using the Sorting Head, you assess if you want to take them on board, and how;
And you can identify if they are (still) pleasing to you, or if you have gotten stuck in them.

For example, let’s say “Fun” is on your list of sorting criteria.
Then before saying Yes to something, you should think:
“Is it fun?”
And if not, yet you still feel you want to continue:
“How could I make it fun?”

And for projects or areas of life that have fallen by the wayside, or that have lost their spark, you could ask:
“Is it still fun?”
And if not, but you still want to keep it on board:
“How can I make it fun?”

I came up with a list of six sorting criteria.
One very generic (6), one very specific to manage writing and posting for social media (3), and four directly applicable and identifiable. 

the Sorting Hat

criteria for projects and life

1. Does it feel sexual?
2. Is it a physical, offline experience, that could have taken place in the 20th century?
3. Can the post be created within 90 minutes including making a Canva?
4. Am I answering a need or want, from someone I care about or from a group or audience with whom I feel connected?
5. Does it make me money which people have given freely and happily?
6. Will this be a wholesome and satisfactory experience?

More often than not, projects can only be ticked off in one box. For example, to start making money from sexual experiences would be, uhm, well a whole different ballgame for sure!
So it is not the case that the more boxes are ticked, the better.

It is a priority list, if “one” (feels sexual to me) is hit, all bets are off the table, and in retrospect, I think I could even say that my endgame is to have my whole life be about 1, 2 and 3.

That although I love the connection with others, fulfilling their need, having them pay me (have clients), that the only way this is all going to work, eventually, is if I don’t have to leave the box of 1. it feeling sexual to me and/or 2. it being a physical offline experience that could have taken place in the 20th century or the box of 3. writing and posting something in under 90 minutes flat.

That numbers 4 to 6 are little more than pacifiers, to identify if something should even be taken on board.

But that ultimately all projects and areas of my life will be put on the line  by the ruthless Sorting Head who will assess if they have the potential to;
Grow into 1. something that feels sexual;
Be reorganized into 2. a physical offline experience;
Or
If it can be done writing posts, created in under 90 minutes flat.

And the mighty Sorting Hat will have only one verdict for the ones;
Sucking my soul and vagina dry and failing to score on feeling sexual;
Or the high-demanding ones causing digital file forming and black holes of endless communication;
And will show no mercy for the ones demanding infinite studying of boring as fuck areas and writing long-ass reads.

It will know exactly, what to do them;
To throw them back into the same pits of hell, where they bloody hell came from.

.
~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living