I was reminded of that when this morning I could suddenly no longer walk, as if I had stepped in a piece of glass.
The kind of sting as if you’ve stepped into glas, but the splinter has already disappeared into your foot and the only way you can tell something is wrong is because you feel it when you walk.

I had no idea how it got there, and after taking a shower it was gone, although for good measure I still took the soda footbath.
But it was gone.

However, when I was still hopping around the house, surprised at how debilitating it was, and wondering when I would go see a doctor (as soon as possible or after a week or so?) I did wonder what it symbolized.
What does it symbolize when you wake up unable to walk because you stand on one foot?
And I knew.

I had one foot in my 1990 timeline, and the other still here.
One foot in, and one foot out, for this entire calendar year.

Sure, I write these behind-the-scenes posts so that’s something. And I’ve minimized my online time, although especially in times of stress and a lot of communication going on, I relapse back into checking my mail the whole time.
The habit of being offline (read; my 1990 timeline default) appears to be ingrained, until things get chaotic and I don’t have the correction mechanisms in place. I can derail easily.

I started multiple diaries written from the 1990 perspective, to be written in before bed. But here the same thing goes;
They work when I have calm days that meander around a familiar routine but cease to work when I spent the whole day in the chaos of 2025, and still feel the pressure of that when I go to bed. 

I split off my collection of books printed before 1991, and I have a separate cd cabinet for music released before 1991. Yet I read Miranda July’s 2024 midlife novel All Fours and listen to Madonna’s 1990 Immaculate Collection on YouTube because the headphone connection of my cd player works far from immaculate.
The sound keeps coming through one speaker, although the headphone works perfectly on the computer, so it’s definitely the cd player.
And I have a dvd player installed but use YouTube entertainment more often because it is portable and I can use it to clean or do my XL bathroom routine.

In short, I have 1990’s analogue world in place, but rarely reside there.

Despite the inconvenience of suddenly not being able to walk, I did realize: “This is a real 1990 experience!”
My assessment, my decision whether to see a doctor, the not-knowing;
If I had really lived in 1990, it would have been exactly the same!

The foot injury propelled me back to where my curated 1990 collections and failing equipment had been unable to take me.
Back in time.

And I used this time in my 1990 void, to wonder why my life in 2025 was so entirely different. Why there seemed to be more at play than simply the faster communication (emails that could come in any moment etc.) and it suddenly came to mind!
I wasn’t yet tapped into collective consciousness, with its learned behavior of responding to expectations no one takes responsibility for.
Through a series of fortunate events I had not been socialized.

Even if email had existed in 1990, I probably would not have felt any pressure to respond immediately. To 1990-me, email and the whole online world, would have been like study books or a magazine that you could close at any time.
And depending on who the email was from or what website it was, it would feel more like a study book you could not wait to put down, or like a magazine that you couldn’t wait to get back to.
But regardless, quitting and limiting your time spent on it, would come entirely natural.

Contrary to many peers, I had no thoughts in my head telling me I had to be nice or always available. My value was not tied to being of use, being social nor being pleasant.
And I realized that was the mindset I was looking for, when committing to this project month after month, without making much headway at all.

I was looking for that state of mental pureness.
The immaculate mind, not in the meaning of being superior but as in the immaculate conception of Maria.
Which was clearly Madonna’s reference as well, since her work has been rich in  Catholic symbolism since the beginning.

My longing for 1990 is a desire to go back to a virgin state.
To be untouched.

 ~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living

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The series Harteveld 2025*
And these Behind the Scenes of my 1990 timeline.
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About: the 1990 project

For an indefinite time, I will be moving to the, I assume fictional, timeline of (re-)living 35 years ago.
Making the current year 1990.
This project has a predecessor, where I wrote as if I was in 1994 – 2000;
But this was mostly a literary (diary) undertaking.

I’m cutting back deeper into time, and do not intend to keep a diary. It is the living in the past itself, that is the art.

In September 2025 I came up with these goals, covering the first 8 years.

My 8 year goals are:
📵 to live a 20th Century life
🎸 to be a 20th century-inspired Rock journalist.
But on the current timeline.
So this means I make money creating content and speaking about rock music and 20th century things 
📚 publish Lauren Harteveld work 2010-2025
📢 to make the Lauren Harteveld legacy visible

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