If you could see me now, I would not be able to wipe the smirk off my face.
And the reason I’m over the moon is not the usual suspect of Man-Interest-Going-My-Way.
Because that is very much not going my way, and has been a great and apparently necessary lesson in what happens if you make yourself too available!

No, the reason for this euphoria is because I finally got myself injected into the 1990 timeline. 
Where an 18 year old fictional Lauren has just started her gap year, unsure if she’ll join university in August 1991, or if she’ll become a yoga teacher.

Finally, after years of trying to time travel to HERE, there, 1990-ish
– a process which intensified over the past couple of months when I was really trying hard, yet it was still not working –
I now managed to get this highly coveted job of timeline jumping DONE.

And it may actually have been the silent slap on the nose in the Man department that did the trick, because what was I doing making myself available like that?!

It was the perfect incentive to time jump, because if I was successful, it would allow me to go from leaning in, to meeting his demands to keep this as casual as casual goes;
To disappearing.

*soft poof sound*

Not just no longer showing up, but vanishing, sinking away in time.
First a big leap to 2019, the year I started my first timeline experiment.
Then another giant step, to 2007, when I started dating again after a 14 year relationship.
A step to the year 2000, where my current retro timeline stranded. Knowing it would end here, and that I would jump back again, to 1990.

I would step lightly, and affectionately, onto 1994, for having been my fictional starting point in 2019, when I started this whole experiment with timeline jumping.
In 2019 I went back to 1994, a timeline where it is currently 2000.
I would smile at 1994 and say:
“Love you! And going back to 1990, so see you in a few years!”

And then arrived, both feet in, in 1990. And smiled because I thought it was so cool, that I finally “did it”!
Even though I don’t think anyone, not even me, knows what that means.
But before I could worry about that, within a day, I realized Why, I had landed here.
What it was about 1990, that made this year so magical.

‘Cause ever since 2023 I have been trying and wishing and begging for the timeline 1988 – and failed.
And as one year passed, it became 1989.
About which I still had memories, and had that panned out, then it would have been perfect too.
But 1990?
Although I was happy the timeshift had worked, part of me still felt like 1990 was nothing more than a two-year overdue 1988.
A delay, because I was crappy at time travel and it had taken me two years to figure it out.

But oh no Baby….. Oh no!
This is all so very perfect.

One year from now, I will meet the man who could have been, and in all probability should have been, my first real love.
If, I had waited.
If, with super powers of restraint I definitely did not possess, I had refused to have sex or a relationship with anyone unless I was madly, all encompassing, sanity devouring in love?!

Then I would have stayed a virgin and in summer 1991 I would have met the man of my life.
I, a 19 year virgin who had saved herself for 27 months after her heart was broken – She, would have met an experienced young man, exactly her age, who would have been my/her ideal partner for a number of years.
And in all probability;
I, would have been his ideal lover too.

One year from now.

Which gives me exactly one year, to get ready.
To get Lauren 1990, ready.

~Lauren
An unexamined life is not worth living

Books 

My diaries are available at LULU 
New books will be added.