This is a letter to my creativity coach Sara (new website!)
Before our call I always give her a headsup.
It’s Sunday night, and I did not get any work done this entire weekend.
And I want to make YouTube yoga videos tomorrow, for two accounts!
But I also have a deadline tomorrow afternoon, which will require about four hours of work.
It usually clears up after a few hours.
Just a mild headache and tired like when you have a hangover.
I quit drinking about six weeks ago. To no avail, except that I now know with certainty the grogginess never had anything to do with alcohol, but is my response to pandemic stress.
As is the sensitivity to headaches I ve had since spring 2020.
This Saturday the repetition of going through the files and deleting things and moving them, had a numbing yet satisfying effect.
The task was appealing, and I was not bothered by my headache at all.
I discovered a whole new personality, which belonged to something I was going to start doing this week. Which was teach yoga on YouTube in Dutch.
Because today, I started drawing up a circle within circles scheme of the three personalities I had found so far.
The first two you know, I ve written about them frequently:
1. Lauren Harteveld
My alterego under this name, writer, publisher, Catherine Tramell-fan (Basic Instinct). Signature era: The 90s!
Lauren96, the diary I keep as the 24 year old me, is one example of what I write under this name.
2. Rock Star Suzy
The English speaking alterego under my real name, who ties everything she does to Bon Jovi. Her identity matches Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan.
Decade: The 80s!
And then the third, as mentioned sparked by both my plan to start teaching Dutch yoga on YouTube, as well as by the photo of 2008 me from when I was in my 15+ years of teaching yoga professionally.
3. Suzanne Yoga Teacher NL 2021 (YouTube only)
This was a really cool find, because although I knew I wanted to pick up teaching Dutch yoga on YouTube, it didn’t really have a vibe yet.
But the moment I found that picture, I connected back to the zeros 2000-2010, when yoga in America (I read Yoga Journal) was so damn cool.
With all the yoga studios, being super contemporary and having that happy brightly colored vibe!
And I rekindled the love for my first business coach that I really vibed with, which was Amanda Daley who taught marketing to health coaches.
Because the whole niche thing, and find your tribe thing, is very hard to pull off when you work locally.
Or at least: You have to be better at marketing/ finding your voice than I was!
I was selected on location and service, not on niche or who matched with my personality.
They chose yoga, not me.
Oh, well, then maybe I would still be a yoga teacher.
Which I, in that case, was clearly not.
They were the perfect marketing coaches to give me the feel of the Dutch online yoga teacher I wanted to be.
So Suzanne yoga teacher (2008) was the third personality which I discovered, on top of the other two (Lauren Harteveld and Rock Star Suzy) I wrote to you before.
And as I was drawing all these circles, about which personality did what, created what, and what coaches did they have and so on;
I also drew a circle of activities that did not seem to have any meaning, yet every now and then they took A LOT of time!
Sorting my notebooks and diaries of decades and decades and lining them up on the shelves next to my desk.
Making a visionboard card deck, and every now and then spend a day making new cards. And I always laminate them.
And now the activity of going through my digital archives and spending the weekend there.
But then it struck me!
Of course I knew who was in there!
The me who only wants to do cute things, and it makes drawings from love duckie, and takes photos of little bear Puux.
And who was absorbed in archiving and loved playing with stationary. It could bind and unbind anything and had hole punchers for three different types of ring binders.
And then around this koala, so the personality who I thought was the most “me”; I had drawn the circle from Lauren Harteveld!
Of course, she was the perfect person to protect the little koala there.
Whose main relationships are with other Bon Jovi fans (I forgot to put that in my final schedule I will post in a second)
She had the most interaction with the real world. Her main relationships were with not so much clients, because I do not have a business and also do not aspire to get one;
But her main relationships will be the one created over teaching yoga.
Because it was A4+ it required some work to get it into a file, but here it is.
2021 08 01 4 Different Identities And What They Create
An unexamined life is not worth living
My diaries are available at LULU
New books will be added.