I had one important boyfriend when I was a teen. He was the only one with whom I dated, and was madly in love with at the same time.
He broke my heart of course.
But what a fair price to pay.
In total I had three boyfriends during my teens.
The first was really attractive, artistic and sensitive.
But we were both so confused that everything we did always had this sense of not being connected.
I still run into him occasionally, and we definitely still like each other. But it’s more curiosity, like between alien species. It’s a miracle no one got hurt, or at least not that badly. Because we possessed very little skills to communicate with each other or to put each other at ease.
And a high need for it.
My third boyfriend in my teens was the sensible choice. Someone who liked me a lot, and who was a few years older than I was. He was my ticket to an adult life, offering me the privacy of his own home, with cats, home cooked meals and the obvious offer to finally get my sex life up and running.
I had more than had it with being a virgin and was aware one night stands were never going to do it for me.
My body just shut down.
And after oral sex with my first two boyfriends, just having oral wasn’t on my bucket list anymore.
I needed to ditch that virginity, period!
So my choice for a good boyfriend who had a little love nest of his own, was a calculated one.
Fortunately I ve always been good at math, and it turned out to be exactly what I needed. I lost my virginity and we had a lovely drama-free relationship for three years. Although I skillfully ignored his views for the future were a lot more domestic than mine were.
I tried to end it once, but I was consumed with guilt.
Ultimately I ended it when I was in love with someone else. That was the man I stayed with for 14 years.
But that was when I was 20, so that’s not my teens anymore.
In my teens there were three:
The first artistic boyfriend; The third common sense boyfriend; And in between there was THE boyfriend.
Whenever I write about him I call him Jonathan. But this was not because he looked like Jon Bongiovi. I had not even realized he looked like my idol until I bought a ticket to this summer’s Bon Jovi concert.
I wanted to know how many years it had been since that first concert and went through my old diaries. Found the ticket; The concert had been late 1988.
And that’s when it hit me.
I had written about Jonathan so much, I knew the date him and me had met by heart. It was on a party. I had gone through these early beginnings with Jonathan multiple times.
Yet what I had failed to realize was what had preceded that!
Even when we were dating I had considered Jonathan out of my league. He was attending a much fancier school than I was. A higher form of education, and the parents had a higher income too.
I settled for assuming I was new and fresh, and perhaps he’d already had all the girls he wanted at his own school.
I wasn’t complaining, but I felt lucky.
Not a single cell in me believed he would actually fall in love with me, the way I had with him.
I still consider that true.
So anyway, there was all that – the popular guy dates alternative girl and he breaks her heart – but it wasn’t until I retrieved that concert ticket that I realized he had looked exactly like Jon Bongiovi!
He was perhaps (and I m definitely taking a risk here!) even more attractive than Jon Bongiovi, because Jonathan was a bit rougher. I usually compared his beauty to John Malcovich’s; Unorthodox and dangerous.
But he also had some serious heartthrob qualities; Green eyes and an incredible head of hair. Wavy dark blond curls, shoulder length. He didn’t even use any hair products, this was all natural.
And he was tall, but not too tall. Not yet anyway.
I encountered him later and boys can keep growing until they are 21 or something. And he had. So I had caught him when he was a only two inches or so taller, and not that muscular yet either.
He had been absolutely perfect and far less intimidating than later on, when the combination of brains, body and charisma made him almost devilish.
He could still crack my heart open like a walnut, but his strong presence would have warned me by now.
Yet when I “caught” Jonathan there were an insane amount of terribly cute things to be loved. He drew flowers on the back of his letters.
He wrote me songs on his guitar. He was insanely romantic.
God I was toast for sure.
Anyway, finding the concert ticket explained to me WHY Jonathan had been in my life. Or at least it offered an explanation other than that he had ran out of girls at his college.
The first was that he looked just like Jon Bongiovi, who had been my idol for 2 years by then. I was used to looking at that face. Familiar with being up close and personal through clippings, posters, videos, interviews on MTV.
Jon Bongiovi was the first idol I bought pricey American magazines for, because I hang on every word he said.
If it had not been for this familiarity to Jon Bongiovi, I would not have been able to stand the heat with Jonathan. The smallest thing would have made me doubt myself (even more). I would never have had the balls to pursue someone of such can I say “descent” if it had not been for having been intimate with Jon Bongiovi for two years.
Part of me felt I knew Jonathan.
And although that is obviously not true at all, I think what was the case was that I knew myself, in the company of someone like Jonathan. I was familiar with this wave of emotions and love being drawn out of me.
I could stand the heat.
And I could probably stand it a lot better than the girls who had limited their adoration and their relationships to the boys they met in real life.
Which brings me to the second aspect of why I believe the Bon Jovi concert was directly linked to my relationship with Jonathan;
It had boosted my self-esteem and my market value.
A 16 year old girl, attending a concert from the biggest rock band of the eighties? On the other side of the country, on a school night?
That was pretty next level.
Something which Jonathan, who was a musician himself, had understood very well.
Unfortunately for me, we did not lose our virginity but we did have an amazing time. That concert turned out to be the best investment in my sex life, I ever made.
No wonder buying a Bon Jovi ticket for this summer, gave me goosebumps.
It is a ticket to a concert, an adventure, and an entire new level of being.
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living
Start 30 day sabbatical
A boyfriend like Jon Bongiovi
is part of my new book;
Playing no. Diary of submissive non-consent fantasies
Which I m currently writing offline and which has brought me back to the earliest beginnings of my sex life.
I m having a 30 day sabbatical.
And when I return I will have my four books ready:
1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2018
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
3. Big Mistress – confessions, columns and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)
5. Playing no. Diary of submissive non-consent fantasies
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